The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Why Winning is Hell: Chris Long on Tua & The "Pick Your Opponent" Playoff Draft
19 Dec 2025
Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
We have Chris Long coming up along with the Week 16 edition of the NFL Picks Countdown. So we don't really have a lot of time for this, but can we talk for a second here? You and me, we're people after all. I want to confess something to you real quick.
And I don't want to be a hypocrite because I hate those people who can never let a Star Wars debut go by without announcing to the world, I'm not into Star Wars.
Chapter 2: What does Chris Long think about Tua's performance in the NFL?
Or when a new soccer tournament's about to kick off, people who say, I am into real football, fat soccer. This is not contributing to the conversation. And yet, here comes the Grinch in the Christmas season. I feel like I'm about to announce, I don't believe in Santa. but I'm just not into this college football playoff. And my team's the number one seed in that tournament.
Maybe it's just because Oklahoma v. Alabama looks like a scrimmage, but probably it's not just that. Obviously I'm gonna watch, I like football and I like TV after all, and what else do I have to do with myself? But I think the people who are so upset about the bowl system, they pounded the table forever about the need for a playoff are like the dog who catches the car. Congratulations.
Can you honestly say there's real buzz about the start of this college football playoff? It used to stand out, and maybe the late 20th century debates about who was better between 1v2 were a little unsatisfying, but in hindsight, they were better than arguing about which two-loss team deserves a title shot more than a three-loss team does.
Now it just feels like a less important version of the upcoming NFL playoffs, which I am excited for, and which I don't think my team's going to make. but I hope to be wrong. Let's see if we can figure that out right now. Start the show. Yes, hi, and hello, and happy holidays, my fellow football Americans. Welcome to NFL Week 16. Welcome to the college football playoff.
Welcome to Football America, episode number 35, or presented as ever by our pals at DraftKings. DraftKings, the crown is yours. And as we jump in here, appreciate it if you would do me the gift of subscribing to the pod and on YouTube. We appreciate that, and we start out by honoring the player who wore the episode number best, Mike and Gino, Gino and Mike Fuentes. I got bad news.
35 sucks, at least where NFL names are concerned. Some good luminaries beyond the NFL. But Christian Akoye, I think, is the best ever to ever play in the NFL and wear the number 35.
That's pretty grim, right? I mean, I got some Earl Campbell here, according to, you know, the Internet.
Well, the internet is wrong.
I'm going to go 35.
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Chapter 3: Why does Dave criticize the current college football playoff format?
Yes.
I'm going to go for my eugenics. Number one, salesman, the big hurt. Big Thomas. Sell me those testosterone pills. Frank Thomas. Let me know. Tell me I have low T. You stand up there with Doug Flutie and you fix my testosterone with your snake oil pills.
Yeah, Tony Esposito and Tom Barrasso in puck, two great Hall of Fame goaltenders there, Justin Verlander. And do yourself a favor, next time you see Flutie and the Big Hurt out on the practice tee, watch the woman, not the guy's wife...
but the other woman he's like and she'll like it too the wife looks at him but then the but then there's another woman who's the friend of the woman presumably and she starts making eyes like what the hell are you doing who are you burl lives now like somebody waits for you kiss her once for me what's up with you you old creepo go get your old your own lady all right listen
We have to talk about football here. Let's start it off. We're going to do our picks in just a second here for the most pivotal games in NFL Week 16 that still remain. Before we get to that, pick six presented by DraftKings. DraftKings, the crown is yours. I'm going touchdown scores to start off with, fellas. Josh Allen against the Cleveland Browns. I think...
he is now making officially as they also try to secure their spot in the playoffs and maybe have an outside shot at catching the Patriots still. I think he also understands where he is in the MVP chase. I think they find a way to get him in the end zone. Bijan, Oh, my beloved Bijan.
We came up short in the fantasy playoffs, but he's still toiling away in meaningless football now that the Cool Cats are out of the fantasy playoffs. He'll get a touchdown against the Arizona Cardinals. Jameer Gibbs is always good for a touchdown, pretty much. He wasn't last week, but most of the time he is. He has the Steelers. He'll get into the end zone there.
And then two touchdown throws from Gardner Minshew against the Tennessee Titans, right? I mean, that feels like a feel-good story waiting to happen. And C.J. Stroud, four touchdown passes in his last two. He'll throw two at least against the sad Vegas Raiders. How say you, fellas?
Listen. Gardner Minshew, right? A lot of people were saying Chiefs are in trouble. They're going to win that game. And not only because Tennessee Titans is because if I'm going to pick a coach to have a guy like Gardner Minshew ready to play, I'm probably going to pick Andy Reid. Exactly. So I like that pick.
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Chapter 4: What are the best #35s in NFL history according to the hosts?
I do wonder if Tua is done. What I think, to Mike's point, I'm not the first one to say this, yeah, they want to keep Tua healthy so that they can viably move him in the offseason and we can make jokes about whether or not anyone's going to want him. We saw what happened with Russell Wilson a couple of years ago. There's always a team out there that needs a QB.
Maybe it won't happen until August of 2026. But somebody, if the Dolphins are willing to eat a portion of that contract, I suspect that we will see Tua once again. But man, then again, the devil's damage check of this is Tua really does feel outmoded. He feels solved by NFL defenses. There's nowhere to really go with him.
If Mike McDaniel, who embraced him a couple of years ago and encouraged that contract, can't make it work. Who really is out there? So maybe I'm overstating things by saying somebody will be desperate enough to throw him in there, right?
I think maybe as a starter, correct. But for a guy who led the league in passing just two years ago, he's going to land somewhere.
If the Raiders weren't going to have the number one or number two pick, they would take him in a second.
They would take him right now. You kind of think...
as a backup for the right money not next year but the year after that he kind of be perfect san francisco you know obviously with his with his cap number next year you're not really gonna want to have that guy floating around which is why i think he'll be right back starting from the miami dolphins at the beginning of next year well that's why he doesn't make sense as a backup yeah no one's going to take him on with that with that yeah the the weight of that contract yeah
The thing that is also fascinating to me, and I've seen Jonathan Zaslow talking about this on the Levitard Show, and really a lot of people have been bellyaching about this, especially if they're Dolphins, Rooters is, and I've always been driven crazy, by in the postgame, right out there on the field, right after the stage where...
pigskin war was just fought and now they're playing grab ass with each other the the trading jerseys and all that crap i don't care for that to a yucking it up with his old pal let's talk about that let's talk about a lot more stuff that's such an old man take that is your oldest man take like like i i just don't believe like that this like ultra not everybody has like this brady michael jordan competitive streak in them some guys just want to go out there and get paychecks and that's it you know
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Chapter 5: Which games are pivotal in NFL Week 16?
What's the poop, fella? Long time no see. How are you?
What up? Yeah, you need to remind Jeff Schwartz who drew that hold. You know, some people forget. You know, I didn't get a Christmas card this year from Brady or Edelman or any of those guys.
Is that right?
Yeah, no Christmas card. I don't know what's going on with that.
Outrageous, outrageous. Maybe it's because of what you did.
Could be jealousy.
Or maybe it's what you did to them in Super Bowl 52.
Oh, maybe, yeah.
I remember asking you if in between those two Super Bowls, actually on the eve of that second Super Bowl win, if after just teaming up and drinking beers in celebration with Tom Brady, if you were going to feel bad, if you had to smack the old man around in Super Bowl 52, you said no.
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Chapter 6: How does Chris Long feel about the playoff format proposal?
Listen, we felt like we had a better team. Leading up to the game, I can remember incessantly bothering all the guys on offense and saying, how many points can you score, you think? You know, which is not an admission that like, hey, we're going to get our doors kicked in. But, you know, it would be nice to know, like, what's the magic number?
Because I thought that New England would probably be able to score a little bit on us. You know, there's no good matchup for Gronk. It helped, certainly, when I think Malcolm Jenkins knocked Brandon Cooks out of the game. And that wasn't like a dirty play or an intentional thing. It just was a football play and knocked him out of the game.
And I think from there, it was like once we got to the half, you knew they were going to come out of the half with some heat. And they did, and it was hard to get stops. But... We're even luckier for just taking the risks we did in the first half, and that was the way we played. I mean, Doug was that kind of guy. So I think it was a total clash of styles, man. That's what made it so interesting.
We were just happy to be there, kind of happy-go-lucky. We weren't picked to be a top 15, 20 team. Our MVP caliber quarterback gets hurt, and we're still here. It's the whole nothing-to-lose thing that makes you dangerous.
Yeah, it really was magical, you know, as that falls into the, you know, history now.
It's yesteryear now, dude.
Yeah, but I mean, I really do love that season for the Eagles. And as I've told you before, and I'll say again to anyone within the sound of my voice, for everybody who says, keep the politics out of football and stop talking. I mean, it's amazing that it is okay to talk about them when they're saying things that you like, but keep it out. when I don't like what you're saying.
But you putting your... I mean, for real. Colin Kaepernick's back in the news with some of the things. That Malcolm Jenkins did his own thing. He didn't take a knee, but he put a fist in the air and then caught heat for that. And then the next week, Chris Long, a white guy, goes over and puts his arm around Malcolm Jenkins as a show of support.
And I remember a decent percentage of self-proclaimed football fans said... outrageous, this ends, you know, that you can't have that kind of crap going on on the sideline. It distracts from winning games and everything else. As we just discussed, you wound up with the Lombardi Trophy.
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Chapter 7: What challenges do NFL teams face during December games?
was like a disagreement that spilled over into something more and it was after like a workout and dudes are in the locker room and it's like you know and you know you're not thinking about oh all i have is a towel on and and i remember seeing naked old lineman who will go unnamed fly across the room and do a flying scissor kick into a guy's chest
And, like, people are getting punched in the face. It's a melee, man. And, you know, the craziest thing about that fight is 45% of the people in it were just getting out of the shower. So it happens.
I love the nude fighting as a decision. Like, that's real life, which is, I wish there was video of that, not for perverted reasons. I don't.
I think it would make me laugh. It's way too burning in my brain to see a 310 pound man horizontal to the ground in the middle of a scissor kick. into a guy's chest, and I can see the guy's balls. And it's just like, I can't get it.
Are they used as a weapon, or is that what you go to? No. If you're the right endowment, you could use that as a weapon. You choke a guy out with it. Like, blah, blah, wrap it around his neck. No. Nick Foles wasn't in this fight. Oh, no. Okay. So that's all true. All right, let's move on. Here's another thing.
I bring up movies because, of course, among the honors that I mentioned at the top there, I didn't mention that you're the progeny of Howie Long, who starred in Broken Arrow, who got kicked out of a moving train by Christian Slater.
This is such bullshit.
It is a shame that it happened. Show business is a rugged business. You talk about football. That ain't nothing compared to the entertainment industry. I recently heard football legend Howie Long say Jameer Gibbs is the best player in football. Your response?
He said that?
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Chapter 8: What factors contribute to a team's playoff success?
Yeah, it just goes to show every year is different. And so that's the fun thing about the NFL is like it is such a team sport. And even when you're talking about individual accolades, it's so hard to like you're talking about the MVP. Now, I think Stafford should be the front runner. But, you know, me, I think I'm John. I think Josh Allen's the best quarterback on the planet.
And I think like when you do the, hey, is value just who's the best quarterback, who's got the best stats, or is it like put Matt Stafford on the bills, how does that look? Put Josh Allen on the Rams. How does that look?
Right. I did the same thing earlier this week with Drake May and Josh Allen. If you want to make a case for May as the MVP, given where that team sits, and if they do hold on and win the East, there's a case there. But if you're talking about straight-up value, swap those two guys and see which team winds up better. Obviously, the Patriots would wind up on the right side of that.
And I think Drake's the other guy, to be fair to any Patriots fans who are listening, like I hear you...
screaming to the screen i think he played himself into the conversation this year i mean yeah and i'm i'm also not a guy that really cares about the mvp that much i know i brought it up but like it's it's a hot topic this time of year like i don't know who won it five years ago i don't know when it three years ago i don't know how many times drew breeze won it i don't know how many times lamar's one i think he's won it twice but i only know that because has he won it twice
Well, I'll tell you the answer to that is largely owed to poor marketing. You have the NFL MVP. It's by far and away our most popular sport, but you know probably who won the Heisman five years ago because it has a cool name. We need a good name for it and a cool statue for it. The Walter Payton Trophy by itself is the coolest trophy going in pro football.
It's the only one that measures up with the Heisman. What we need to figure out is, Chris Long, and I've done some work in this regard, we need to name the MVP. Make it to Tom Brady. I don't care what it is.
That's interesting.
But if you made a cool eternal trophy casting that guy in an iconic pose, now it's something you would remember.
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