The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD
Episodes
Ep179 - I'm worthless and broken and need to hide who I am
27 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we talk about the core of many traumas and pain in the past - feeling worthless, unlovable and unloved. A feeling despite being so pre...
Ep178 - About anger and the so-called angry teenager
31 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we talk about the anger that is a very consistent companion during our healing, the so called angry teenager you might have heard ab...
Ep177 - Weathering the (current) storm
08 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Good day, this time we do something slighty different while I work myself back into the rhythm. Would love to hear your feedback. First, I want to th...
Episode skip 3 - I'm (almost) back and the Holidays
24 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Hello my dears! I am Johanna Draconis and I am slowly coming back. As expected the fight was successful and completely burned me out. But I am FINALL...
Episode skip 2 - A little talk about what happened and the future 06. august
06 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Hello my dears! I am Johanna Draconis and I am going shortly into what is going on and why I’m on hiatus. First on social media. I am going to res...
Episode Skip - Sign of life and reminder for 4th of july
03 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Hello my dears! I am Johanna Draconis and I wanted to give this sign of life.Life is kind of on fire right now - thanks to the weather almost also li...
Ep176 - Why do I feel so lonely? (hole inside / loneliness)
22 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about being lonely/loneliness and the hole inside that causes all of it. There is a loneliness epidemic that keeps spre...
Ep175 - Abuse Language (Psychological abuse)
29 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about abuse language - the language that is designed to weaken the victim and used as a weapon by the abuser to maintain ...
Ep174 - Flashbacks
13 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about flashbacks - the most known symptom of PTSD - and wrongly assumed to be a central requirement for having any form...
Ep173 - How abusers keep control over us
01 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about how abusers keep control over us - even long after we are out of that situation it can still apply. Especially if w...
Ep172 - Are we bound to be victims or abusers? (Hunters, survivors, healers)
17 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about fate - in particular about the fate of those marked by trauma. Are we bound to be victims or abusers? That is a que...
Ep171 - What does healthy relationship look like?
04 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about what a healthy relationship looks like. The perfect relationship depends - of course - on your preferences, life an...
Ep170 - Love is not enough
16 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we talk about how love is not enough.Though this episode is going to be a bit different again, because - for one - it is something tha...
Ep169 - How can I build up my support system? (Relationship)
05 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about building up your support system - especially about solutions until new relationships are possible, which I forgot t...
Ep168 - When am I ready for a new (healthy) relationship?
19 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about being ready for a healthy relationship - a burning question for most. Which is understandable as a partner is inval...
Ep167 - How can I achieve the new me / my true self? (New Year Resolutions)
31 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about achieving this new “me” that seems often so far away and some even believe is a myth. Or are you trying to retu...
Ep166 - Why do I loose control over my emotions? (overwhelmed emotional instability)
09 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about emotions once again, but this time about loosing control over them. That can take many forms and is sadly usually a...
Ep165 - Why can mental health be a problem for men? (Suicide)
19 Nov 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about mens mental health.Contact: [email protected] Transcript: https://www.johannadraconis.com/episode165[1]...
Ep164 - Do I have enough time left? Is my life over? (Midlife crisis sunk cost fallacy)
03 Nov 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about time and life with the questions “Do I have enough time left” and “Is my life over” - which is something I ...
Ep163 - Why do I still feel like a child and not like an adult? (Neglect Parentification)
15 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about feeling like a child and not like an adult - often accompanied by feeling overwhelmed and lost. One of the more gen...
Ep162 - Can my mind make my body sick? (Psychosomatic)
29 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about how the mind can affect the body - and the other way around. If you keep getting sick or have this weird illness th...
Rerecord:Ep161 - Trauma makes you (not) stronger (Post Traumatic Growth PTG)
18 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about basically the saying “what doesn’t kill you make you stronger” - which I am sure most of you have heard. It i...
Ep161 - Trauma makes you (not) stronger? (Post Traumatic Growth PTG)
10 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about basically the saying “what doesn’t kill you make you stronger” - which I am sure most of you have heard. It i...
Ep160 - Were your parents 'good parents'? (childhood abuse neglect)
23 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about parents and if they were “good parents” - while there are many ways people define if someone is a good parents ...
Ep159 - Why do I feel so scared or anxious? (Anxiety Overwhelmed Fear)
05 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about being scared or anxious - sometimes both at the same time. Usually it’s a cry for help by your overwhelmed brain....
Ep158 - Why am I tired all the time? (overwhelmed, emotional numb)
20 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about being tired - something basically everyone who deals with PTSD is familiar with it. You feel tired, low on energy o...
Ep157 - Scars - The things that remain and how they affects us
04 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about scars - or in other words - the things that remain. I often say that the experience changes us - like climbing a mo...
Ep156 - Victim blaming (But what did you do?)
21 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about victim blaming: This is sadly a common reality that survivors face - as well victims of all kinds of things and eve...
Ep155 - Self confidence + self love/loving yourself (Loneliness/Lonely II)
04 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about self confidence, feeling unlovable and loneliness. How to be self confident and able to love oneself is integral fo...
Ep154 - Why do I feel like I am unlovable? (Lonely/loneliness)
20 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about feeling unlovable and to a part about loneliness - because if you feel unlovable than no matter how many people tel...
Ep153 - Double Trauma or Macarons Trauma (Update)
13 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about the stage between ball and ring trauma - and therefor PTSD and C-PTSD - the double trauma or macarons trauma. I men...
Ep152 - How do I remove or cut someone from my life? (Relationship)
28 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about how to remove or cut someone out of your life - the universal recommendation seems to be: Avoid contact. But that ...
Ep151 - Why is so hard to leave or cut someone out? (Relationship)
21 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about why it is so hard to leave someone - even if they threaten our wellbeing - or to cut them out of our lives. While t...
Ep150 - What factors decide if a military mission could cause PTSD?
06 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about how a military mission can cause PTSD and what are the reasons why it could be. It is a bit of an experiment and so...
Ep149 - Why is violence not THE deciding factor? (Trauma and PTSD)
29 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about violence and the deciding factor for something to become a trauma or even PTSD. It is important to understand what ...
Ep148 - Why emotions are more important than facts (for healing)
20 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about why emotions are more important than facts - in the healing process - something I mentioned several times, but neve...
Ep147 - Big Update: Support Group/Discord/Reddit, Support me, Archive, Social Media, Book
12 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk quickly about a big update that kept me quite busy and changes quite a bit.Support Group/Discord/Reddithttps://discord.io...
Ep146 - How is dealing with C-PTSD so much harder than PTSD? (ring trauma and ball trauma)
25 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about how it comes that dealing with PTSD is so much easier than C-PTSD. I usually use PTSD to include both, but there is...
Ep145 - "I just want peace" (Enduring the nightmare/healing process)
09 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about just wanting peace - an expression often in regards with the marathon that is the healing process. Usually the sent...
Ep144 - Survivor's guilt
03 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about survivor’s guilt, a topic I so far skipped over as I was affected by it myself. What is survivor’s guilt? Simpl...
Ep143 - Victim and abuser - the traitors of our kind
19 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about people who are victims and abusers. People who suffered and made other people suffer. There are some mixed opinions...
Ep142 - Nightmares and what we can do about them
04 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about nightmares, which are a common occurrences and a symptom strongly associated with PTSD. An awful and tiring experie...
Ep141 - Greetings from the end of this year
31 Dec 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Hello my dears,It is this time of the year again and though a bit late, I wanted to remind you to be kind to and not so hard on yourself.This time of ...
Ep140 - Why didn't I see it earlier? (Denial/Forgiving yourself)
18 Dec 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about a question I seen many ask themselves ”Why didn’t I see it earlier?” and having a very hard time to come to t...
Ep139 - Isolation (The Trauma after the Trauma)
03 Dec 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about isolation - a topic which occurs throughout, from the traumatic experience itself up to the healing process. When w...
Ep138 - Survival is never pretty
16 Nov 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about survival, which affects most affected by PTSD. When we hear usually about survival it is about being stranded on an...
Ep137 - Why do I need to cry so much? (and why crying is a good thing and important)
31 Oct 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about the question why we cry so much - especially during our healing process - and why crying is a good thing. It is an ...
Ep136 - Why do I feel hollow?
15 Oct 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about feeling hollow, which can feel like a hole inside of you - that somehow hurts.That feeling is the reason for many p...
Ep135 - How could you make okay what happened? (I don't)
29 Sep 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about the question “How could you make okay what happened?” that I heard many times and is a reason many people don’...
Ep134 - Why is it sometimes slow and sometimes fast? (Healing wave update)
15 Sep 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about how during the healing process we sometimes move slow - sometimes it even feels like standing still - and sometimes...
Ep133 - Why am I feeling lost during the healing process?
31 Aug 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about feeling quite lost during the healing process and to be fair - it is quite a chaotic time. But the question is why ...
Ep132 - 9 Methods to counter (C-)PTSD
18 Aug 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about 9 methods to counter PTSD - as in which methods help us go up against PTSD and fight it. Knowing how to turn the ta...
Ep131 - 11 Methods in case of a (C-)PTSD emergency
01 Aug 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about methods in case of an PTSD emergency, which is usually when the symptoms take over. A situation we try to avoid for...
Ep130 - 10 Methods for dealing with (C-)PTSD in every day life
17 Jul 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about methods you can use in your everyday life. It has been years since we touched upon this and I felt like a updated v...
Ep129 - Maintaining Hope (even in the darkest times)
01 Jul 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about maintaining hope - even in the darkest times. It is no secret that dealing with PTSD and trauma can lead to the dar...
Ep128 - What to do about feeling inferior, inner voices/critic, impostor, no self confidence
17 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about what we can do about feeling inferior, like an impostor, a lack of self confident and the voices in your head givin...
Ep127 - Why do I feel so inferior? Inner voices/ Inner critic (imposter)
03 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about the question “Why do I feel so inferior?” or the inner voices - sometimes called inner critics. The voices that...
Ep126 - Should I commit suicide? - Part 3 - Conclusions + Sickness + Mourning
20 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about the question “Should I commit suicide” for the third time - this time we start with sickness, then isolation, t...
Ep125 - Should I commit suicide? - Part 2 - Internal Struggles
12 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about the question “Should I commit suicide?” for the second time. This time the focus is on internal struggles or - ...
Ep124 - False Acccusations (Johnny Depp Amber Heard Trial)
03 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about false accusations, as the Johnny Depp Amber Heard Trial is dominating the minds of people these days and there are ...
Ep123 - Should I commit suicide? - Part 1 - External Struggles
25 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about a questions, that many of you might have asked yourself - “Should I commit suicide?”And it is a choice that can...
Ep122 - But I am totally fine (what does mentally unwell/sick really look like?) (Basics) - Part2
09 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about mental health again or more precisely: What it means to be mentally healthy. We will continue from the last episode...
Ep121 - But I am totally fine (what does mentally unwell/sick really look like?) (Basics) - Part1
01 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about a statement I hear all the time - “But I am totally fine! I am not crazy!” and - in case of PTSD - “I don’t...
Ep120 - Am I moving forward or am I stuck?
14 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about moving forward in your healing journey - or how to know if you are or not. As in “Am I slowing down because I nee...
Ep119 - Intermission: Dealing with hopelessness, helplessness, despair, suffering and anger (Ukraine Conflict)
27 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
IntroHello my dears,My name is Johanna, and I welcome you to the Johanna Draconis - The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD podcast. This episode will be somethi...
Ep118 - You just do (not) get over something like that II - Dismantling
13 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about what I hinted at last time and as requested - we will go more into detail and talk about dismantling these sort of ...
Ep117 - You just do (not) get over something like that
02 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about the statement “you just don’t get over something like that” - as I keep running into it and which causes so m...
Ep116 - New years resolutions or how to make change last
20 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about kind of one of the things that keep popping up every new year: New years resolutions. Or more precisely we talk abo...
Ep115 - Lagging behind others (Shame)
05 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about a topic that might came up during the holidays: Lagging behind everyone else.It is hard to not compare oneself with...
Ep114 - A letter for Christmas (with a side note about struggling)
24 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Hello my dears,Another year has gone by and it feels like barely any time passed and the whole world changed at the same time.This is the darkest time...
Ep113 - Starting point tutorial for loss (Trigger core)
11 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about something else a bit - we are going through the first steps you can take to find the trigger core and the root of t...
Ep112 - How your living environment affects you (Shame)
29 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about how your living environment affects you. We talked last week about finding yourself at the bottom again - which is ...
Ep111 - Finding yourself at the bottom again (Shame update)
13 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about finding yourself at the bottom again where you never wanted to be again and the shame that is usually part of it an...
Ep110 - Why is feeling nothing not a good thing? (Trauma update)
28 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about once again about feeling nothing regarding a trauma, but this time we talk about what was hinted on before: Why fee...
Ep109 - What should a good therapy look like to get rid of C-PTSD?
15 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about a topic that came up during my time at “live from America Podcast “ last weekend, which turned from therapeutic...
Ep108 - What is the problem and how should it be? (Therapeutic Abuse Update)
03 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about therapeutic abuse again - this time about the why it is such a problem. Besides the obvious of course, that abuse i...
Ep107 - Why some reactions are not triggers but Trauma behavior (Trigger update)
22 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about trauma behavior, as it is often confused with triggers. And while they are at times annoying - they are not trigger...
Ep106 - If that caused my PTSD why don't I feel strongly about it? (Trauma update)
09 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about something that keeps popping up: If that caused my PTSD why don’t I feel strongly about it? This is a good questi...
Ep105 - Method exaplained: Introspection (used by EMDR)
28 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about Introspection, one of the most useful tools you ever get in your life in general - not just for PTSD. It is the sam...
Ep104 - Was it all for nothing?
20 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about a very sobering moment in your healing journey that is sadly also reflected in real life. The question “Was it al...
Ep103 - Why can't I just be normal again?
10 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about the question “Why can’t I just be normal again?” - which is something heard throughout the journey - from sta...
Ep102 - ... and bad people do good things
03 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about bad people doing good things, which I know is a complicated and loaded topic on its own, but under our circumstance...
Ep101 - Good people do bad things...
23 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about a topic that is the reason why many don’t seek help or accept they have PTSD or the like. “They were good peopl...
Ep100 - Let me reintroduce myself
11 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we do things a little bit different. With this being the 100th episode, I thought it would be a good time to redo the introduction, as...
Ep99 - Dealing with bad days
28 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about - bad days. A rather uncomfortable topic and something everyone of us would rather avoid, but sadly is a significan...
Ep98 - Why do people think (C)-PTSD can't be cured?
17 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about a question that I had on my mind ever since I started fighting back against PTSD. Why do people think PTSD can’t ...
Ep97 - When is it one trauma and when two or more? (Trauma update)
06 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about trauma again, this time about where to separate them and when they are actually belong together.Usually the trauma ...
Ep96 - Dealing with loss through suicide
31 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about suicide - focusing on those left behind and the coping with the suicide of another person.It is important as we nee...
Ep95 - When does a Trauma (not) become PTSD?
23 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about something that is the question at the core of the illness: When does a trauma become PTSD? And when doesn’t it?Th...
Ep94 - What shapes a trauma (core) ? (Trauma update)
14 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about something I skimmed over only before - how it comes that trauma take what shape. What factors lead to what kind o...
Ep93 - 2 different kind of triggers (update triggers)
05 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about triggers once again - this time we differentiate between two different kind of triggers and how to identify them an...
Ep92 - PTSD from hidden to cured - where is the difference and how do I know?
25 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about something that I keep running into: What is the difference between healed and cured? What does it mean to be cured?...
Ep91 - Why are the categories (stages) important?
16 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about why separating PTSD in categories (stages in the last episodes) is so important and needed for everyone involved. A...
Ep90 - Sleeper trauma, Cluster trauma and Sea Urchin (Trauma update)
05 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about the two final shapes of trauma and also update the sleeper trauma as it has changed quite a bit and then we going t...
Ep89 - Is there a difference military and civilian trauma?
27 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about the question that is important to the way we treat PTSD and in society: Is there a difference between military and ...
Ep88 - Episode skip - Why you shouldn't ignore colds
16 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Hello my dears,I’m sorry to say that I just can’t record an episode.Down with a nasty cold, which sadly makes my voice not work properly… and re...
Ep87 - Why do I end up in bad relationships? (Sabotage II)
06 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about how we end up in bad relationships - we suffering from PTSD or the like - often find that we keep having bad relati...
Ep86 - Why do I sabotage myself?
27 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we get into the age old question of "Why do I sabotage myself?" - or keep if you repeately doing it. Despite our best effo...
Ep85 - Episode skip - A little cold
16 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Hello my dears,I am sorry to say that I have to skip this episode again, because I am sick. I hope it is just a regular cold.I had to make the decisio...
Ep84 - Why did I make it? (Survivor's guilt)
07 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode we will talk about quite a personal topic - survivor’s guilt. We will focus this episode on validation and first band aid measure. W...