The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Embodied Pleasure

Confident, not controlling: what "take charge in bed" actually means

30 Mar 2026

Contributed by Lukas

When a woman asks a male partner to "be more assertive in bed," those words are typically landing differently than she intends — and diffe...

Why you don't want the honeymoon phase back (and what's actually better)

23 Mar 2026

Contributed by Lukas

You've heard it a thousand times: "keep the spark alive, get back to how it used to be, recreate that honeymoon phase magic." But what ...

BONUS: Your Kids Are Watching: Teaching Embodied Consent (Podcasthon for Freedom Network USA)

17 Mar 2026

Contributed by Lukas

BONUS: Teaching embodied consent at home—for your kids AND your relationship.This special Podcasthon 2026 episode benefits Freedom Network USA, the ...

Touch Aversion: When your partner's touch makes your skin crawl (and what helps)

16 Mar 2026

Contributed by Lukas

Does your partner's touch make your skin crawl? You're not broken—and this is fixable.Touch aversion is when affectionate or sexual touch ...

The Golden Rule of Sex (and why that Other One does NOT apply)

09 Mar 2026

Contributed by Lukas

Treat others the way you want to be treated? Great rule. Terrible sex advice.In this episode I'm breaking down the principle that actually works ...

How to know when it's time to stop learning and start doing

02 Mar 2026

Contributed by Lukas

Ever notice how sometimes the answer isn't more information — it's actually doing something with what you already know?Like when your car ...

The one thing you haven't tried for mismatched libido

23 Feb 2026

Contributed by Lukas

You've read the books. Maybe you've done therapy. You've tried scheduled sex, date nights, "just doing it." And you're s...

How do I fix my desire gap when my partner won't go to therapy?

16 Feb 2026

Contributed by Lukas

If you're ready to work on your desire gap but your partner won't go to therapy or coaching, this episode is for you.The answer to "can...

Is your 'low libido' actually your body setting boundaries?

09 Feb 2026

Contributed by Lukas

Avoiding sex? Feeling the "ick" when your partner initiates? Going to bed at 8pm to dodge intimacy? You probably think you have low libido. ...

Too tired for sex? How burnout kills desire, with Dr. Amy Grimm

02 Feb 2026

Contributed by Lukas

When you're running on empty, sex feels like just another demand on your already depleted system. But burnout isn't just affecting your work...

The 1-minute body practice that unlocks what you actually want sexually

26 Jan 2026

Contributed by Lukas

Before you can solve your desire gap, you need to know what you actually want. This super simple, somatic practice helps you stop overthinking sex, co...

ADHD & Desire Gaps, Part 2: How to stay present during sex

19 Jan 2026

Contributed by Lukas

Part 1 in this series covered how ADHD affects desire. Now let's get practical.Mid-sex, suddenly thinking about work emails and grocery lists? Yo...

Why "love should be effortless" is ruining your relationship

12 Jan 2026

Contributed by Lukas

You've been sold a lie: that if your relationship needs work, something is fundamentally wrong. That love should just happen naturally if you&apo...

Why do I want sex so much (or so little)? Understanding your desires

05 Jan 2026

Contributed by Lukas

If you're dealing with a desire discrepancy, you probably think you know what you want: more sex, or less sex. But what I've learned is this...

AI and your sex life: when it helps & when it causes more harm

29 Dec 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Thinking about asking ChatGPT about your desire gap at 2am? You're not alone—lots of people are turning to AI for relationship help. And I get ...

The 10 biggest mistakes people make with desire discrepancies

22 Dec 2025

Contributed by Lukas

This is THE episode to share. After 100 episodes and years of working with couples on mismatched desire, I'm breaking down the 10 mistakes that k...

What to do when depression & antidepressants kill your libido: real talk & my story

15 Dec 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Depression tanks your libido. Then you finally get help with antidepressants—and your sex drive tanks even more. If this is you, you're not bro...

When holiday stress kills desire (your sex life doesn't need to be a Hallmark movie)

08 Dec 2025

Contributed by Lukas

If you're not tearing each other's matching pajamas off for holiday romance, you're not broken - you're normal. The holidays come ...

What you're really working toward with mismatched libidos

01 Dec 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Most people think the goal with mismatched libidos is making the lower-desire partner want more of the sex you've been having—or making the hig...

You DO have options: what higher-desire partners can actually do

24 Nov 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Feeling stuck, powerless, and like your needs don't matter? This episode is for you.A listener wrote: "I feel like you only talk about what ...

Why obligation sex destroys desire (and what works better)

17 Nov 2025

Contributed by Lukas

You think having sex when you don't really want to will keep your partner happy. But obligation sex actually destroys desire—and doesn't h...

Your brain is keeping you stuck in a desire gap (here's how to override it)

10 Nov 2025

Contributed by Lukas

You know your desire discrepancy is a problem. You've known for months, maybe years. So why haven't you done anything about it? It's no...

ADHD & Desire Gaps, Part 1: High libido, low libido, or sometimes both

03 Nov 2025

Contributed by Lukas

If you have ADHD and your sex life feels challenging, you're not broken - your brain just works differently. Maybe you have super high libido and...

Getting on the Same Team, Part 2: How to talk about sex without fighting

27 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

You know you need to talk about your desire gap, but every time you try, it devolves into a fight. Someone gets defensive or spirals into shame, and y...

Getting on the Same Team, Part 1: Stop venting to friends and start solving the problem together

20 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

You're both in pain about your desire gap, but you're processing it separately – venting to friends, talking to therapists, building separ...

What your body learned about love before you could talk: Healing attachment wounds with Dr. Aline LaPierre

14 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Why does your body shut down during intimacy even when your mind wants connection? Why does rejection trigger panic that feels way bigger than the sit...

Desire Solutions: Signs that you're rushing penetration & what to do instead

06 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Why does penetration feel painful, numb, or just... meh? And why does rushing to it kill desire over time?If you're experiencing pain or numbness...

Desire Killers & What To Do Instead: Pouting When You Don't Get Sex

29 Sep 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Tired of the cycle where you don't get sex, so you sulk, which makes your partner want sex even less? You're not alone – and you're d...

Sex Help for Smart People Evolves to The Desire Gap Podcast: Unpacking The #1 Issue I See

22 Sep 2025

Contributed by Lukas

This episode is all about why I'm making a change in this podcast, including why that is going to be extra great for you as a listener. In fact, ...

What is Embodiment? Why Somatics Are Key to Better Sex and Relationships

15 Sep 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Your body remembers every touch, every rejection, every moment of connection—even when your mind has forgotten. But most of us are living from the n...

Is It Okay to Fantasize During Sex? A Guide to Helpful vs. Unhelpful Mental Erotica

08 Sep 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Many people worry that fantasizing during intimacy means something is wrong with their relationship or attraction to their partner. In this episode, w...

Situationships and Friends with Benefits - What Works and What Doesn't

01 Sep 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Are casual-sex relationships always problematic, or can they actually work for some people? In this episode, we break down the key differences between...

Should I Tell My Partner What Turns Me OFF?

25 Aug 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We're going to get really nitty-gritty here today and give you the full details on why, when and how to tell your partner what turns you off. I&a...

Can You Really Learn Relationship Skills Through Pleasure? The Science Says Yes

18 Aug 2025

Contributed by Lukas

What if getting better at relationships and intimacy could actually feel amazing? In this episode, we look at the evidence to challenge the assumption...

How & Why Your Non-verbal Communication Matters

11 Aug 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Today's episode is all about non-verbal communication, it's role with authenticity and trust, and why it matters so much in romantic and sex...

Why Do I Have Low Desire? 10 Questions to Figure It Out

04 Aug 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Even though nearly everyone will go through periods of low sexual desire in their lifetime, most people have no idea how common it is or that it'...

How To Stop Avoiding Your Own Desires & Figure Out What You Really Want

28 Jul 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Are you secretly scared of your own desires? I see this all the time in my practice – we avoid knowing what we truly want because we're terrifi...

When Touch Feels Off: Why It Happens & How to Fix It

21 Jul 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever been with someone you love, but their touch just felt... wrong? Or maybe your partner has told you that YOUR touch feels off, and you ha...

Spontaneous vs. Scheduled Sex: How Do We Find The (Right) Time?

14 Jul 2025

Contributed by Lukas

It can be hard for couples to find good times to connect sexually. Busy lives or different sleep schedules are just some contributing factors that mak...

Are We Just Too Sexually Incompatible? How to Know.

07 Jul 2025

Contributed by Lukas

If you're asking yourself whether you and your partner are just too sexually incompatible for your relationship to work, this episode is for you....

What Really Turns Me On? With Danielle Harel, PhD

30 Jun 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Don't miss this important (and fun) conversation with Danielle Harel, PhD, co-founder of the Somatica Institute. We talk all about discovering yo...

How Do I Stop Faking Orgasms?

23 Jun 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Join me today as I walk through what's really underneath the tendency and temptation to fake orgasms, and how to stop. You'll learn the hidd...

Helping Men Last Longer with Caitlin V

16 Jun 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Premature ejaculation or "PE" is one of the most widespread challenges for men and couples that include men. There's no special pill be...

The Connection Between Self-Compassion & Great Intimacy (Plus How To Boost Yours)

09 Jun 2025

Contributed by Lukas

It may be surprising, but how we treat ourselves is irrevocably linked to how happy we are in our connections with others. Tune in to this heartfelt e...

Pitfalls of "Polarity:" 5 Rules to Avoid Harming Your Sex Life

02 Jun 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Applying the idea of "polarity" without full knowledge can actually undermine you and harm your sexual connection. So it's best to be i...

Kind Boundaries & Building Secure Attachment: A Guide

26 May 2025

Contributed by Lukas

This episode will walk you through how to have boundaries that feel great. Good boundaries feel like a big hug for you, rather than a barbed-wire fenc...

Giving and Receiving Oral & Troubleshooting (Plus: Why People Often Dislike 69)

19 May 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're talking about common challenges & solutions for giving and receiving oral sex. Plus, since this is episode 69, I'm celebrati...

Claim Your Agency or Create Helplessness: You Choose

12 May 2025

Contributed by Lukas

If you're feeling like change is impossible, you may be falling into a sneaky self-undermining habit. Instead of imagining your worst beliefs are...

Is It So Bad To Be A Tease? Redefining & Reclaiming Play

05 May 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Ever wish you had more make out sessions with your partner(s)? Ever wish you felt 100% allowed to just flirt or kiss and then . . . stop? Do you eve...

Monogamy, Non-Monogamy & Choosing Your Relationship Structure on Purpose

28 Apr 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Both monogamy and non-monogamy are valid choices, but a lot of people default into the modern-day societal norm without even fully discussing it or co...

Big Picture Know-How For Great Sex & Relationships

21 Apr 2025

Contributed by Lukas

This episode gives you the bird's-eye view of what we all need to know and understand in order to have our best sex life and best relationships. ...

Hidden Intimacy Challenges for Over-Achievers & What to Do About Them

14 Apr 2025

Contributed by Lukas

I'm breaking down the special challenges that over-achievers tend to have with intimacy, sex, and relationships today. I'm also going to tel...

Want Better Sex & Relationships? Practice This.

07 Apr 2025

Contributed by Lukas

A lot of people want great relationships and sex lives. Not a lot of people are doing anything useful to get there. Today's episode will walk you...

Which Comes First for You: Physical or Emotional Connection?

31 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

People have different ways of getting to connection. Some people find emotional connection necessary before they feel safe to connect physically. Some...

Saying No Without Guilt in Relationships & Sex...and everywhere else too

24 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Saying yes to things you don't want to do is not helping your relationships. It's not being "nice" either. Today's episode w...

Kissing: Challenges, Explorations & Tips

17 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

This episode dives into all things Kissing. We'll cover basic Do's and Don'ts, and unpack common concerns about this very common activi...

Christina & Brooke Share Wisdom from the Middle of the Change Process

10 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Sometimes at the end of the journey it can be hard to even remember what it was like to be in the middle. Listen in to my interview with a wonderful c...

How People-Pleasing Kills Intimacy & What to Do About It

03 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

There are 3 things I really want you to know about people-pleasing and intimacy. When you're a people-pleaser, you'll often feel like you&ap...

Three-somes & Group Sex: Fantasy, Reality & Avoiding Pitfalls

24 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Lots of folks fantasize about threesomes or group sex, and some of us decide to try it for real. Both can be fun. This episode will guide you through ...

Paths to Sexual Confidence: Real vs. Fake Confidence or Arrogance

17 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

A lot of people want more confidence but are afraid of fake confidence and arrogance. You’re right to be wary of that. It’s not helpful to be fals...

Curing the Libido Mismatch Blues

10 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

If Libidio Mismatch is something you struggle with – you know it can be super hard on relationships. It is very stressful and disconnecting. If it f...

Busting 7 Myths That Make It Hard to Ask for What You Want in Bed

03 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Today we're making it easier for you to ask for what you want in your intimate relationships by busting common myths that hold us back. Make your...

Sexual Confidence: A Success Story in Overcoming Shame

27 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

This episode takes you inside a transformative conversation about sexual confidence and body trust. My former client Kama shares her raw experience of...

4 Steps to Confidence & Comfort in Intimacy

20 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

These are the steps to confidence and comfort that work. Tune in to learn the 4 key steps that will take you from anxious and underconfident to a true...

The Biggest Thing You Can Do To Feel More Sexual Empowerment This Year (and it's FREE)

13 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

This episode will explain the best, biggest thing you can do to improve your relationship with your own sexuality this year AND your intimacy with a p...

The Most Powerful Step

06 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Today I’m going to tell you a really personal story of how I almost quit on my marriage. I’m also going to share one of the most powerful ideas in...

Liberation from Religious Shame & Repression: an interview with Lisa

30 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

So many people feel disconnected from their authentic sexuality due to a history of religious repression and shaming. In an ideal world, religion woul...

Rethinking Conflict: How Conflict Avoidance Undermines Relationships & What To Do Instead

23 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Conflict is inevitable in close relationships. Doing it well is key to feeling confident, connected, seen, and safe. Many people avoid conflict, or le...

Getting the Right Help for Pelvic & Sexual Pain: Interview with Dr. Susie Gronski

16 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Pelvic and sexual pain is absolutely treatable, even though it can be hard to admit and challenging to find the right help. Join me to hear from pelvi...

When You're Bummed That You Have to ASK...

09 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

It's common for people to feel upset and disappointed about having to ask for what you want. This is especially true if you believe you shouldn’...

Pleasure & Connection Self-Assessment & Making Pleasure Goals

02 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Ready to be one of the brave, joyful souls who wrings the most pleasure out of this life? I'm going to help you get there. It's December and...

Strap-Ons For Every Body

25 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Get started the fun way with strap-ons. Everyone can play with strap-ons and there are loads of reasons you may want to try it out. This episode will ...

3 Reasons You Have a Hard Time Talking About Sex & How to Overcome Them

18 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This episode is for all of you that have a hard time talking about sex, even with your partner.  I'll cover the 3 top reasons people struggle to...

How to Be Sexual Without Accidentally Being Creepy

11 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

If you can't figure out why women seem to get turned off by you even though you're a super nice guy -- this episode is for you! We cover how...

Butt Fun: How to Start & How to Avoid Traumatic Mistakes

04 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Today we’re talking about butt stuff – all things anal pleasure. The rear end is the other half of your pelvis and has loads of nerve endings to e...

Experiencing More Pleasure & Satisfaction (Plus How Arousal & Desire Fit In)

28 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

What is your relationship to physical pleasure? Today is all about investigating this question so you can experience more of it. We'll talk about...

How To Start Having G-Spot & Cervical Orgasms

21 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Do you want to have G-spot or cervical orgasms, but don't know how to get there? This episode is for you! Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start So...

The Missing Part of the ED Conversation

15 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This episode will help you understand the most common underlying causes of erectile challenges and how to solve them. While drugs can mask symptoms, t...

Special Episode: Finding Calm & Helping Others When Disaster Strikes

06 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This is a special episode, recorded at my home in Asheville, North Carolina, USA in the aftermath of massive devastation from Hurricane Helene. It is ...

Up Your Foreplay Game

30 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This episode will help you get more creative and relaxed about foreplay. We'll cover why that’s super important for keeping the fire lit in you...

Your Options for Help: Coaching vs. Therapy, Plus Pros & Cons of Each

23 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This episode covers when to see a therapist and when to seek out coaching, strengths and weaknesses of both (because all modalities have pros and cons...

What we did in sessions this week

16 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Ever want to know what actually happens in coaching sessions? This episode is story time. I’m going to give you a peek inside my office at what we d...

Why don't they just know?

09 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

What can you do when you really want your partner to know what you want and they just don’t. You keep waiting and they keep not knowing and not doin...

Break Free From Arbitrary Rules: Cleaning Out Your Should Closet

02 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This week we're diving into how "shoulds" sneak in and mess up our confidence, relationships, dating, and sex lives. Shoulds come from ...

Skip The Frustration By Understanding Attachment Styles

26 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Everyone has an attachment style. Knowing yours will enable you to manage relationships effectively as an adult, not just react at people. You'll...

Inside a Session on Emotional Desires: Asking For What You Want Without Shame or Blame

19 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In this special episode, I let you listen-in on a live session with client Kris (with her permission!). She and I tackle the topic of owning our own e...

Better Sleep, Better Sex

12 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Sleeping poorly really impacts your sex life. In today's episode we're going to look at this head-on. This is a super practical episode mean...

What Am I A "Yes" To (Even If I'm A "No" To Sex)?

05 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

It is super hard when you feel stuck in the Big No. You feel like you always have to say no to your partner. You may wish you wanted sex, but the trut...

How to Feel Better About Getting Rejected

29 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Today is all about how to build rejection resilience. How do you deal with rejection by default? How do you feel? How do you actually want to feel? We...

An Introduction to Sexological Bodywork: Interview with Rahi Chun

22 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

When you're struggling with your sexuality, it's important to understand the landscape of help and healing options available. Sexological bo...

What Strings Are You Attaching To Sex?

15 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This episode will walk you through the 5 main types of emotional strings we attach to sex that can really tank a couple’s fun together. I'll ex...

Flirting 101: Keys to Juicy Flirting for New & Long-Term Connections

08 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Whether you’re partnered or not, flirting is such an important skill and one that most people don’t spend nearly enough time learning to do well. ...

You're Not Dysfunctional and Why Comparing Yourself To Others Isn’t Helping You

01 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Most of us don’t talk openly and honestly about our relationship and sexual challenges. So it’s no wonder that we look around us at everyone else ...

When Reality is a Bummer: Dealing with Disappointment

24 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Are you feeling disappointed about anything in your relationship or sex life?Disappointment in relationships and sex is super normal. Some disappointm...

Relationship Skills Part 2: Attuning to Your Partner

17 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Attuning well to your partner feels great for both of you. It enables emotional intimacy, which makes sexy time way better and much more likely to hap...

Exploring BDSM: Interview with Femme Domme Coach Rose

10 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This episode is a must for anyone diving into or interested in dipping a toe into the world of BDSM. We cover everything from basic definitions: what ...

Initiating Sex: Key Troubleshooting Questions for Couples

03 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This episode helps couples troubleshoot problems around initiating sexy time. In it, I guide you through how to talk over two of the most important to...

Inner Critics Gone Wild: Boost Your Mojo & Improve Your Connections By Being Nicer to Yourself

27 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

If you regularly feel ashamed, defensive, less worthy than others, or underconfident -- that's your inner critic at work. You may not realize tha...

Arousal Styles: Which of These 3 is Yours?

20 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This episode covers the 3 main arousal styles. Only one is commonly depicted in media, but all are very normal and very common in reality. Most people...

How to Support a Partner with Sexual Trauma

13 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

It can be hard to know what to do when you're partnered with someone who is starting to heal from sexual trauma. They may be pulling away sexuall...