Caller: “Should I Leave My Cheating Husband?”
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Should I leave my cheating husband and how can I stop seeing him through his trauma?
Have you filed for divorce?
Yes.
Tell me about it.
I have agonized over every decision that I've had to make because of how it will hurt him. It's just that I've I've I know what he's been through as a kid.
To some degree, your kids are re experiencing his childhood.
What's going on? What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. So glad that you're with us. Taking your calls from all over the planet, real people going through real challenges. If you want to be on this show, I'd love to have you on the show. I don't answer um personal questions on social media or anything. I only answer them right here. Talking to two people who are real people talking to each other. If you want to be on the show, I'd love to have you. Click the link in the show notes and we will get you on. Let's go out to Phoenix, Arizona and talk to Beth. Hey Beth, what's up? Oh, hey, Beth. So you're you're a return caller, right?
Yes. Hi, Dr. John. Thanks so much. I know you have a lot of people who want to speak with you, so thanks for taking my second call today.
No, I love it. I always ask people like, Hey, call me back. Um I'm hoping That you're not calling to say that I messed everything up.
No.
Okay, but if you are I I'll take it. Okay, so what's going on?
Okay, here's my new question. How do I stop seeing my husband through the lens of his childhood trauma and release myself from the guilt that I feel about drawing boundaries and moving forward with our divorce?
Mm-hmm. You that I felt like you asked like two or three questions there.
Okay. Yeah. I tried to make it concise. It it's a lot.
Let's start with the last question first.
Mm-hmm.
Have you filed for divorce?
Yes.
Tell me about it.
So um he Okay, there's a lot. But um I'll try to do it in summary form because this is kind of what we talked about on the first call. He started using marijuana peptides to Testosterone when he started doing jujitsu a few years ago. Then last summer he went full
he went full bro, huh?
Yes. It was really the testosterone first that really was damaging our relationship and I was feeling really emotionally dominated. And then the weed came in um into play and that actually seemed to make it a lot better for a while. But then he started having episodes of paranoia, accusing me of cheating on him. And that I feel like that was very mentally abusive because I was constantly having to defend myself and make sure he knew where I was. I found hidden cameras and listening devices. um, spying on me and I'm a stay at home mom and I h a home school mom of four. You know, I wasn't doing anything. And so then last summer he confessed to me that he had actually been unfaithful to m to me, but couldn't he he said he couldn't remember a lot of the details because of the weed and
he thought maybe he has um disassociative identity disorder and and at first he gave me all of these reasons and excuses and a plan what he was gonna do about it. Um, go to this brain clinic and that was gonna fix all the problems and that didn't happen. And so after about three months of him not following through on that and we were in marriage counseling I um initiated a two month physical separation and moved in with my kids to an Airbnb and then during that time we had kind of some mental breakdowns and confessed to me more infidelity that had even happened during that what should have been a restoration period. And so, um At that point I asked him to move out of the house when my Airbnb time was up and the kids and I moved back into the house and then
I it's just that I've I've I know what he's been through as a kid. Es
made a lot of excuses for his behavior. And I've I have um agonized over every decision that I've had to make because of how it will hurt him.
So let me Because we have limited time together, I'm gonna sound pretty abrupt, okay?
Mm.
Um I want to reframe this conversation. From You knowing what he went through as a kid. Right. And the stories he's told you about his childhood.
Mm-hmm.
And also the pain and hurt. You've experienced inside your own house. Okay.
Mm-hmm.
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Chapters
3 chapters
1
Should I leave my cheating husband and how can I stop seeing him through his trauma?
0:05–27:48
2
How can I protect my kids and set healthy boundaries when my spouse keeps cheating?
27:48–54:13
3
What’s the best way to disinvite my mother‑in‑law from my wedding without causing more drama?
54:13–1:04:46