Chapter 1: What led to the discovery of the husband's $27,000 debt?
I found out that my husband had been hiding $27,000 in debt.
So what's he spending this money on?
Mobile phone game purchases.
Can I tell you this is not passing my smell test?
I know, me either.
Are you sure it's not OnlyFans? What's going on? What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. So glad you're with us. Pull up a seat. We're talking about your mental and emotional health, your relationships, whatever you got going on in your life. I'm here to sit with you.
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Chapter 2: What is the husband's spending primarily on?
We're going to figure out what's the next right move. Let's go out to Phoenix, Arizona and talk to Kenna. What's up, Kenna?
Hi, Dr. John. Thanks for having me on the show.
Of course. Thanks for calling. What's up?
Well, I've been with my husband now. We've been married for seven years together for nine years. We came across Dave Ramsey and the Financial Peace University and started this kind of financial awakening journey. And through that process, I found out that my husband had been hiding about $27,000 in debt. Not the first time he's had debt that I wasn't aware of, but definitely the largest amount.
And the biggest issue was that I was finding out in small pieces and he would say that that was it. There's nothing more. And then I continue to find more and more debts. And so it's more around the lying. That's been the larger issue, I think, for me. And then more recently, found out that he had stolen money out of our HSA account to put towards these debts and then, you know, re-spent it.
So it's kind of a short of a simply is this pattern of spending and lying. I feel like I don't even know who he is at the moment.
That's the problem.
Yeah.
Yeah.
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Chapter 3: How does the wife feel about her husband's secretive spending habits?
there's the disbelief question that that's like, how did I miss this? Or there's the shame question, which is a new in my gut. Something wasn't right. And I didn't press it. So what's, what's he spending his money on?
Oh, um, mobile phone game purchases are the majority of it.
Have you seen the receipts?
Yeah, I looked through all the bank statements, credit card statements, and there's some other purchases, but the bulk of it is on mobile games. And he has started to get counseling around it, and it seems to be connected to some sort of collections addiction, like to collecting games. Things, I guess, is what he's been saying.
Can I tell you this is not passing my smell test?
I know. Me either. Are you sure it's not OnlyFans? Well, I was looking into that. Well, I couldn't find any evidence of it on what I had access to. But I definitely, that's what my gut's telling me.
This may have, this, like, I'm trying to rack my brain real fast live while we're talking. I've heard gambling, I've heard spend, I mean, I've heard like almost an OCD-esque compulsion towards like when a collector, like a baseball card comes up, I gotta get it, gotta get it, that kind of thing. Yeah.
And the majority has been either online gambling or some sort of OnlyFans or I'm seeing somebody else who have a drug problem. I can't think of a time in my life
when I've heard addicted to mobile, it's, I'm here, he's holding, it's like, Oh, you collect characters and then you become like, I'm like the top guy in the league. And I am the one that everybody goes to. And I'm like, well, that sounds like there's some self-worth stuff there. But yeah, I, I feel like there's more, that's kind of been the challenge is every time I, It was like, no, that's it.
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Chapter 4: What are the implications of financial infidelity in a relationship?
Correct, right. Have you called your mortgage company to see if there's a HELOC against your house?
Oh gosh, no, I'll check that.
I would do that today. Okay, check that. To cut to the chase and get beneath all the madness, here's your path forward, okay? Question number one, you have to ask yourself, is this an or what moment? And what I mean by that is, You have to be honest about answering this question. Am I going to stay or am I going to go?
Right.
And any question, like if you are out, I'm going to say he deserves, and I know people are going to bristle at that. Every human deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. I don't care who you are. You deserve me to tell you the truth. If you're out... I want you to exhale and be honest about that path. Okay? Okay. If you're wondering, I don't know. I need to see some big improvements.
Everything's got to change. Like that's the old dumb and dumber. So you're telling me there's a chance. Yes. And here's the thing. You, and I know it's like, I don't want to do any more work. I just gave you another thing. You're like, well, crap. I didn't think about the freaking HELOC. Like, I know you don't want to do any more work, but here we are. Okay.
you have to do this hard gut-wrenching thing, which is, I am going to give you a path back to reestablish, not reestablishing, from scratch, establishing trust. And here's what must be true. And I would suggest things like, you cannot have a cell phone. You can have a brick phone. Otherwise, I can't breathe. I don't trust you. I can't trust you. It's not a me thing. It's a you thing.
You've made it impossible. So here's a brick phone. We're going to buy one. It has no internet access to it. It can text and it can whatever. I'm going to set up a Bark account or whatever, a Covenant Eyes account or whatever. And I'm going to attach it to your phone and to our home computers so that it gives me a report of whoever I, whenever I go to websites.
I didn't know that was a thing.
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