I Don't Agree With My Husband’s Laid-Back Lifestyle
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How can I find common ground with my husband about productivity?
So my husband and I, I'm just curious how we can come to a common ground regarding our different energy levels and different ideas of productivity.
You're saying that so clinically. All right. Put your notes away. What's the real thing beneath the thing?
What's going on? What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show, taking your calls from Nashville, Tennessee. People calling in from all over the planet, talking about their mental and emotional health, their relationships, whatever you got going on in your life. For two decades, I've been sitting with hurting people, trying to figure out what's the next right move, and I'm glad that you're with us. Whether you're calling into the show or whether you are listening to the show, wanting to Man, help be a part of healing this mess that we got on our hands, both as a culture, as a country, all over the place. Thank you for tuning in. And together, we're going to get this thing right. All right.
Boise, Idaho. Let's talk to Haley. What's up, Haley?
Hey, Dr. John. How are you today?
I'm great. How about you?
Doing good. Thank you. It's an honor to talk to you.
It's an honor to talk to you. Thanks for calling. What's going on?
Yeah. So my husband and I, I'm just curious how we can come to a common ground regarding our different energy levels and different ideas of productivity.
You're saying that so clinically.
What is the... Well, I wrote it down, so I didn't... All right, put your notes away.
What's the real thing beneath the thing? Is your husband lazy and you like to crush it and kill it? You love Mel Robbins and he's more like, hey, let's play video games.
No, I mean, I would not consider my husband a lazy person at all. He just, he is a law enforcement officer and he works long days and I am a home mom and I love it. It's the biggest blessing. But we just, I am just like, I have this checklist of things that I need to get done throughout the day. Okay. And he is more so of, I need to have this downtime before I can even work on this checklist. Excuse me. We've had a lot of conversations about this. It's not something that is not something that we don't talk about. We talk about it a lot. It's probably the biggest point of contention in our marriage. And, um, and it, the only resolution we ever seem to come to is that we're just different and sometimes it's just challenging because I don't want to feel that resentment towards him as far as there's a pile of laundry that could be folded there's dishes that could be done and I know that you've worked hard and you're gone all day but I just need we just have different ideas as far as
I can relax once all this is done. And he said, well, I'll get it done. I just need a little bit of relaxing time. And it's just very frustrating for both of us.
So beneath that list is what?
Beneath my list is probably the need to feel peaceful and to feel, okay, I've accomplished what I need to get done. And There's not anything sitting on my brain anymore that keeps me from feeling relaxed. You can feel relaxed whenever.
If there's something sitting on your brain, why is it somebody else's responsibility to get it off?
It isn't.
What are the challenges of differing productivity styles in marriage?
You're right. It isn't. Is that responsibility come from a picture that you have of a good wife has a house that looks like this? Or a good mom is like this? Or is it, the list is a roadmap for you to feel like this guy is actually plugged into the pulse of your house?
Probably a bit of all of that, honestly. I want, like I'll find myself being frustrated if he's on his phone when he gets home from work. Our kid, he's an amazing father, but sometimes our child is like, you can tell he wants attention. My husband will kind of just be saying, I need a little time to relax. And I'm like, I don't want, I just get so worried that something, that their relationship is going to hurt because of that.
Okay.
There's no evidence that it will.
Well, I mean, there is. I mean, there's tons of evidence. I wouldn't have a show if it wasn't for moms and dads coming home and gluing themselves to a screen as to avoid that feeling of powerlessness and worthlessness and exhaustion at home.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
How can I find common ground with my husband about productivity?
0:05–3:52
2
What are the challenges of differing productivity styles in marriage?
3:52–6:38
3
What should I do when my mother-in-law's gifts feel overwhelming?
6:38–8:03
4
What boundaries should I set with family members regarding gifts?
8:03–8:30
5
How can I communicate effectively about my feelings of resentment?
8:30–10:39
6
How can I support my friend who is considering returning to an abusive ex?
10:39–13:18
7
How can I encourage a friend to leave an abusive relationship?
13:18–17:01
8
What strategies can help in navigating complex family dynamics?
17:01–44:03