I Don’t Enjoy Sex With My Husband (We Have Issues)
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Why does intimacy feel challenging in marriage?
Every time my husband initiates sex, I immediately lock up emotionally and physically. I'm like, you just told me a few days ago how unhappy you are and it's making me feel crazy and I just feel like I need guidance on how to navigate our relationship because I want to be with him and to make it work. Gotcha.
What's going on? What's going on, everybody? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. So glad that you're with us to talk about your relationships, your mental and emotional health, whatever you got going on in your life. It's real people going through real challenges. We don't make up anything on this show. This is all real live stuff. If you want to be on the show, go to johndeloney.com slash ask, A-S-K. And a text box will pop up and you can write in what you're going through and what you're experiencing. And see if we can get you on the show. And I'll pull up a seat next to you at the bar and we will figure out what is going on. Let's roll out to Raleigh, North Carolina and talk to, oh, it's a couple's call.
We'll go to Raleigh and I'm going to pull up Tess here. Hey, Tess, what's up?
Hi, Dr. John. How are you?
I'm great. You doing good?
Doing well. Very surreal speaking with you.
It's surreal too. And I'm going to pull up Michael here. Michael, you there? Yeah. Hey, how's it going? What's up, homie? All right. So I got both of you here. Good to talk to y'all. Yeah. Yeah. You too. Thanks for having us on. Absolutely. Okay. So Tess, you let it rip and, uh, then we'll go from there.
Okay. Sounds good. So, um, the question is sort of twofold. Um, and I'm just going to dive right into like the question that I wrote into the show. Um, cause I can tend to ramble. Um, so I don't know anything about that.
So, so sure.
Okay. Um, so Every time my husband initiates sex, I immediately lock up emotionally and physically. I feel mad at him and make an excuse most of the time. I know it's just built up anger and resentment from our past issues, and what can I do to just let him in? And this is the twofold part. My husband does have depression and has recently in the past questioned whether or not he wants to be with me and accuses his unhappiness to me one day, and then all is forgotten the next. followed by wanting to be intimate. But I'm like, you just told me a few days ago how unhappy you are, and it's making me feel crazy, and I just feel like I need guidance on how to navigate our relationship because I want to be with him and to make it work.
Gotcha. Have you ever said that in that way to Michael, what you just said to me?
Yes, multiple times. We are very open, yeah.
Good. All right, so Michael, you hear that. What do you think is going on? Yeah, so, I mean, she's definitely right about, you know, kind of the disconnect romantically. And she's, you know, she's correct. I have struggled mental health-wise for most of my life. And I can understand, like, we've talked about it. It's definitely, you know, really has to be frustrating because I do, you know, get into, you know, kind of gullies where... you know, the marriage and the relationship, you know, starts to come into doubt. But I tend to, you know, once we've had a, you know, a resolution, whether or not we had a big fight or not, but we, you know, tend to, you know, solve things and, you know, move on. And I tend to get you know, the next day they're pretty normal again.
Um, and then when it comes time, you know, when the kids are finally asleep, um, we've got some time, you know, it definitely is one sided. Um, and that kind of extends, you know, more than just, um, you know, physically, but sometimes it feels like there's just also that mental disconnect that, you know, my back and forth and kind of my struggles have kind of bled into the relationship. I don't know if they've bled into it. It's the blood coursing through the veins of this relationship, right? And in combination with hers. So Tess, tell me, I guess if you could distill it down for this kind of format, right? I'd love to talk to you guys for a couple hours. This is fascinating. How can I help you? What are you looking for?
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
Why does intimacy feel challenging in marriage?
0:05–7:25
2
What past experiences affect our current relationships?
7:25–12:45
3
How can communication improve marital intimacy?
12:45–19:29
4
What role does mental health play in relationships?
19:29–25:31
5
How do parenting challenges impact marital dynamics?
25:31–37:36
6
What steps can couples take to rebuild their connection?
37:36–43:55
7
How to navigate the desire for more children?
43:55–49:58
8
What is the importance of professional help in marriage?
49:58–1:02:58