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The Dr. John Delony Show

I Don’t Feel Safe Sleeping Next to My Husband

27 Feb 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: What challenges does a woman face when feeling unsafe next to her husband?

5.87 - 18.829 Phoebe

He has a history of abnormal sleep behaviors. Normally they're pretty funny, but a few nights ago he attacked me in his sleep where he was punching me repeatedly and I was screaming at him to stop.

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19.29 - 42.924 Dr. John Delony

Where else does he struggle outside of sleep? Does he struggle with anxiety or depression? What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. Coming to you from Nashville, Tennessee. Taking your calls. Real calls from real people on your mental and emotional health, whatever you got going on in your life, relationships, your marriages, your kids, all of it.

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43.765 - 48.249 Dr. John Delony

And for those of you who have been with us since episode one, I'm super grateful that you've been with us.

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Chapter 2: How can sleep disturbances impact relationships and safety?

48.47 - 65.728 Dr. John Delony

And if you are new to the show here in 2026, I'm glad that you're along for the ride. Buckle up and I'd love to hear from you directly. Go to johndeloney.com slash ask and get your questions in and we will go from there. All right, let's go out to Raleigh, North Carolina and talk to Phoebe. What's up, Phoebe?

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66.856 - 67.977 Phoebe

Hi, Dr. Deloney.

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67.997 - 68.698 Dr. John Delony

How are you?

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68.718 - 72.483 Phoebe

I'm good. Here's the sitch.

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73.985 - 74.826 Dr. John Delony

What's the sitch?

Chapter 3: What steps can be taken to address sleep behavior disorders?

76.308 - 96.694 Phoebe

I am 31 years old. My husband is 29. We've been married for three years. He has a history of abnormal sleep behaviors. Normally, they're pretty funny, but a few nights ago, he attacked me in his sleep where he was punching me repeatedly, and I was screaming at him to stop, and I couldn't wake him up.

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97.467 - 109.465 Phoebe

Um, and the aftermath of this, uh, I'd say the energy in the house has shifted and he tries to touch me. My whole body tenses up. Um, we just don't know what to do from here.

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109.485 - 114.011 Dr. John Delony

Okay. Has he been diagnosed, diagnosed with a sleep behavior disorder?

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Chapter 4: How do anxiety and mental health issues affect relationship dynamics?

116.175 - 125.348 Phoebe

So we've been to the sleep doctor and psychiatrist in the past. Um, they just tried to give him benzos, which we didn't want to do. Yeah. Um,

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126.323 - 129.189 Dr. John Delony

But is he diagnosed with like a REM sleep behavior disorder?

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130.532 - 136.324 Phoebe

We think that's what it's going to be. That's our next step to do. Okay.

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139.791 - 145.783 Dr. John Delony

Where else does he struggle outside of sleep? Does he struggle with anxiety or depression, bipolar disorder, anything like that?

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Chapter 5: What role does therapy play in healing from traumatic experiences?

147.097 - 167.162 Phoebe

Uh, generalized anxiety. Um, he's a full-time student. He's been going to therapy, which I think is helpful because, uh, his friends aren't really that supportive. They just say, Oh, that sucks, bro. Uh, versus I have a community of, you know, women that I can connect with after this incident.

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172.609 - 173.61 Dr. John Delony

Okay. So how can I help?

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175.717 - 192.519 Phoebe

How can we move through this? I mean, is it just therapy? I kind of feel like I was extremely violated by the person that I live with and am supposed to trust.

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Chapter 6: How can a mother navigate her son's troubled marriage?

192.779 - 198.647 Phoebe

I mean, it was a pretty brutal kind of beat down. It just does not feel the same anymore.

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198.667 - 205.656 Dr. John Delony

Sure. It's terrifying. It's scary. Is he abusive in any other aspect of your life?

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207.138 - 208.18 Phoebe

He is not.

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208.32 - 210.704 Dr. John Delony

Okay. Is he a safe, loving guy?

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210.724 - 212.567 Phoebe

He is.

Chapter 7: What strategies can help someone move on from an abusive relationship?

212.768 - 217.155 Phoebe

Okay. And he feels very bad about this, extremely guilty.

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217.176 - 251.075 Dr. John Delony

Okay. So, and the reason I'm asking for context there is... The path forward is multi-tiered. Number one, getting that diagnosis and then getting a path and throwing medication at it sometimes will help. There's all kinds of interventions that are sleep-oriented that just generalized counseling isn't going to solve. But there are CBTI plans for sleep disturbances.

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251.115 - 254.581 Dr. John Delony

But again, I don't know the severity. You're going to see sleep doctors.

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Chapter 8: How can family dynamics influence personal healing and safety?

254.601 - 284.882 Dr. John Delony

Y'all are seeing mental health professionals, all that continue to do that. Okay. The one thing I would push people for is I want an action plan. Okay. That's number one. So y'all are doing those things. The second thing is this. How do I live in a lived experience where I wasn't safe, but the person who made me unsafe did it at no fault of their own? Okay.

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286.463 - 300.376 Dr. John Delony

So this may be a bad, horrible analogy, but it's kind of like he was driving the car and you were a passenger. And while he was driving, the bridge fell out from underneath him.

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301.957 - 302.097 Unknown

Mm-hmm.

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302.465 - 332.37 Dr. John Delony

and you got badly hurt, that doesn't mean he's a bad driver. It doesn't mean he's an unsafe driver, right? And it would not be abnormal. It makes perfect sense to me that when you get in the car again, your body tenses up and you don't want to drive with him. That makes sense, okay? So the path forward is, in a nerd world, they would call it exposure.

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332.941 - 359.32 Dr. John Delony

I am going to, when I feel my body tense up, I'm gonna sit by him on the couch for 10 minutes and I'm just gonna hold his hand. I'm gonna feel that tension I have and I'm gonna let my body experience his safety and our safety and his compassion through that. And at the same time, I might not feel comfortable sleeping in a bed with him until this all gets worked out and that's okay.

362.793 - 366.998 Phoebe

I do like that idea.

368.099 - 397.555 Dr. John Delony

Think of it this way. Your body's working right. It's trying to keep you safe. And it has said, that guy, not safe. Well, that's not the full picture. And so what we're going to do is we're going to teach our body that in that moment, in this situation, we're not safe yet. But this guy is. in this context, on this couch, in this car, at this kitchen table, this guy's safe. He loves me.

400.883 - 407.076 Dr. John Delony

His body is really going through it when he sleeps and it traps him. You get the difference there?

408.305 - 429.114 Phoebe

I do. I think I'm also struggling with, we've been doing the whole IVF thing, trying to have kids. And then I worry about if he's sleep deprived, you know, with a baby and, you know, would do something to hurt the baby. I mean, he is very, when he is asleep, he is very convincing that he is awake.

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