Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
All right, let's talk about your marriage. Right now, we have February and October weekends on sale for the Money in Marriage Getaway. It's the best marriage retreat on the planet. Tickets start at $749 a couple. Get yours at ramsaysolutions.com slash getaway.
I've been dating this lady for about six months, and I got to know her while I was going through my divorce. And I was always very upfront that I wasn't ready to commit to more things. Is it the right thing to break it up?
No pun intended, but you're divorcing yourself from the fact that this lady likes you. And I think the question you have to ask yourself is... What's up? What's up? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. Taking your calls here in Nashville, Tennessee from people all over the planet. Real people going through real challenges in their life.
Dealing with their mental and emotional health, their relationships, tragedies, tough stuff. Whatever you got going on in your life, I'm committed to sitting with you and we're going to figure out what's the next right move. Let's go out to San Jose, California and talk to Phil. What's up, Phil?
Hey, Doc. can I just say that this is great. Thank you very much for having my call. I've been listening to your program for about a year. It's great.
Well, dude, I'm, I'm grateful you've been listening and I'm extra grateful that you called in brother. I appreciate it, man. What's up?
Uh, so let's just get into it. So I've been dating this lady for about exclusively for six months and I got to know her about 18 months ago.
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Chapter 2: What challenges does a man face when considering a breakup?
A while was going through the process of my divorce and I've been divorced since, uh, August last year. And, uh, basically what's happening is since we got exclusive, I thought that the right questions to make were, okay, so what would you expect out of this? Right. Do you want to get married? Do you want to have kids? Then how that's going to go.
And I was always very upfront and, uh, sincere that I wasn't ready to commit to more things. And now, uh, The questions keep on surfacing. We talked on a almost weekly basis about this. What she wants is she wants to have kids, wants to get married, and she doesn't want to have it now, but she wants a commitment from me. Like, oh, am I going to be on the long road?
And I don't think I'm ready for that. And is it the right thing to break it up since she wants more and I can't give her?
I'm smiling, dude, because she wants her some food. Dude.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're like, oh, yeah. So are you asking me if because right now, a year of getting in after a year of getting to know somebody six months in, she wants almost, you're like, like a letter of intent, right? Like you're not going to buy the house now, but I want you to go ahead and sign this paper that says one day you're going to buy this house. Right. Um, should you go ahead and just call it off?
Is that what you're asking? Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. That's basically it because, uh, at this age, right. I'm 35, she's 34. Um, And, of course, it's nothing catastrophic, but let's say if she really wants to have kids, it's a great time to prepare, right? Even if we're not going to have kids right now in the next year or two. But if I'm not certain about this and I already have a kid, right? My boy is great, 11 years old.
We have a great relationship and all that. but I'm not ready, right? So if she wants to see opportunities, see other people that are actually on board and would be ready to go, right, so to say, even if she takes a little bit more time.
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Chapter 3: How does a mother cope with an unexpected pregnancy?
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That's the entire order site-wide. Go to helix, H-E-L-I-X, helixsleep.com, and tell them you heard about Helix Mattresses right here on the show. With Helix, better sleep starts right now. All right, we're back. Here is a money in marriage question. This is a money marriage question from the money marriage event that I do with my friend, Rachel Cruz.
And this is one of the anonymous questions left in the anonymous question box. The question is, how do I help a spouse with an addiction when he doesn't think he has a problem? Man, this is really multifaceted because it can be, or it's complex, especially depending on the particular addiction he has. For instance, I wouldn't say I have an addiction to gummy candy.
I would say I have a very unhealthy relationship with it. That is best addressed with a laugh. And it's best addressed like when Kelly will come in holding a handful of wrappers. I'd be like, are we having this kind of day, John? And I'll be like, okay, I got a problem. I need to take a few days off.
Or if my wife, when she like in the washing machine, when there's like 45 wrappers, she's like, Hey, do we need to go for a walk tonight? Or like, give me a call your counselor for you. Like, so if it's that kind of addiction, then it can be addressed with a smile or some gentle, kind, direct, or making fun of me a little bit. If it's alcohol, if it's
if it's pornography, if it's a sexual addiction, then it has to be more direct. And it almost always comes from one or two places. You setting a boundary. Because here's the way you phrase this, how do I help a spouse with an addiction when he doesn't think it's a problem? Most of the time, the addiction is the solution to the problem. The alcohol works.
The sex with a stranger works for a second. The problem is the hollowness. The problem is the lack of purpose. The problem is the childhood abuse that we're trying to quiet the alarms on. And so, yeah, that's why everyone says, I got under control. It's fine. I can stop at any time. It's just a drink. Relax. It's just whatever. I had a bad night. So that's not going to be the approach.
The approach will be, I'm uncomfortable with your drinking. If you drink again, you cannot stay at this house. Are you kidding me? Or I won't be at this house if you've been drinking. If I find pornography on the computer again, I'm cutting off the internet and I'm going to ask you to leave for three weeks. I'm not leaving my own house. Okay, cool.
I'm going to leave this house for three weeks because I don't want to be around this. If you sleep with somebody else, again, I'm filing for divorce. There's a boundary. That's one place. And by the way, it usually spins up the addictive behavior because that internal chaos becomes more to the surface. And I'm going to do more of that addictive behavior.
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