📱 Early access: Watch episodes of The Dr. John Delony Show one week early—download the free Ramsey Network app today! On today’s episode, we hear about: · A wife unsure how to address her husband’s frequent temper tantrums · A son wanting to encourage his homeless father to get help · A woman wondering how to tell her friend about her pregnancy Next Steps: 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch Connect With Our Sponsors: 🌱 Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. 🔴 Get 15% off with code DELONY at BON CHARGE. 🌿 Get up to 40% off at Cozy Earth with code DELONY. 🔒 Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. 😇 Go to Hallow for a 90-day free trial. 💤 Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! 🥤 Get 20% off at Organifi with code DELONY. 💪 Get 25% off your order at Thorne. 🏋️ Go to Trainwell to get started! Listen to More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 🪑 Front Row Seat with Ken Coleman 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy https://www.ramseysolutions.com/company/policies/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: How can I address my husband's temper tantrums?
Go for it. What's up?
Well, yeah, just when we go out, it turns into these, what I call for him, a tantrum. You know, the kids can see it and hear it and stuff, and it's Um, and it's just so hard. I don't know how to navigate through it. Um, like when we're just loading up the car, give me an example. Um, well, he'll say, well, great. Everyone's out today.
And cause we do things on the weekends and, um, Oh, I'm not the only one that had this idea. And then, you know, I should be working instead of out, you know, doing this. And, um,
So sometimes when I pull into a parking lot of a restaurant that I really wanted to eat at and it's packed, I will say, oh good, I'm the only one who had this idea today. But I'm kind of being silly. I'm kind of being annoyed, but not annoyed at anything in particular, but just the fact that everyone else likes a great restaurant too. So is he being silly or is he being an immature brat?
Yeah, no, he's making it... Yeah, he's being a... what you would say a brat. Um, he, you know, is, um, like, by the way, I have to do this all like every weekend and, you know, their kids are pretty small, they're toddlers and, you know, he'll go on to say, you know, this is, you know, for you, what you like to do and because they're not going to remember.
So what, what's the point, you know, this is a waste of time and, We shouldn't be spending the money anyway, and he just keeps going on.
Okay, so why do you keep inviting him?
Well, I'm expecting our fourth. I mean, like for family things, I find around where we live, it's nice to have him on the weekends so he can, you know, kind of play with the kids.
He doesn't want to. He doesn't like this life.
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Chapter 2: What should I do about my dad's drug addiction?
Have you ever sat down, not on a weekend, and just talked through like, hey, what's going on? I feel like you don't like to be around us. You don't like the life that we're creating together. What's going on?
Well, he works from home. And he says he needs to be out, you know, working and doing things for us for, you know, our financial stability. And then whatever we do on the weekends takes away from that.
Is he just saying that indiscriminately or have you all sat down and worked out your family finances and realized, okay, with a fourth on the way, we need to make some extra money during a season?
We haven't actually. No.
So have you ever heard me talk about pictures and words before?
No.
Okay. So one of, I think one of the easiest ways to distill down 99% of marriage conflict is this idea that we think in pictures, but we speak in words.
Okay.
And so for instance, your husband says, um, I'll do something with the family this weekend. And you say, let's do something with the family this weekend.
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Chapter 3: How can I support my friend during her pregnancy?
You have a very clear picture in your mind about what you think that's going to look like. Y'all are going to be singing in the car. The kids are going to be well-behaved. Y'all are going to go get ice cream or breakfast or whatever you're doing. Y'all are going to go do some things together. Go to a park and play. He has a picture of something totally different.
And so the first time somebody cuts him off in traffic or the first time he goes to the first place y'all wanted to go and it's full and you see what I'm saying? Like you miss each other in the night. And so, or he'll say something like, hey, finances are kind of tight. Well, you'll think, okay, I'll just order water instead of Diet Coke. And he's thinking we're $10,000 short right now.
And he's trying to shoulder it all without the skills to communicate or the desire to communicate with you the actual situation. And so often couples sitting down and saying, okay, we're about to have child number four. Our life as we knew it is about to be over again. We're about to rebuild something new.
Right now it feels like we have a life that we can't afford because you're concerned about money to the point that you don't want to be around your family. Okay. You work from home, yet we can only do things as a family on the weekends, right? And it rarely seems to bring you joy. I want to build a life that you want to be a part of, and I want to build a life that I want to be a part of.
Right.
And so a conversation that my wife and I have every single day, one of us will ask, hey, what's your picture for today look like? Because what we were doing is we would say things like, hey, I'm going to come home. I'll be home a little bit later tonight. Well, in my head, I'm going to get off work because I have media until 6.30.
And then I'm going to go grab some dinner with a couple of coworkers. And then I'm going to go to band practice. I'm not going to get home until 9. For my wife, she has a picture of me being a little late home tonight at 6 instead of 5.30. So she just bumps dinner back and the whole family's sitting around waiting. And so we say, what's your picture of today look like?
And I'll say, I've got this and I've got this and I've got this and I've got this. Okay, great. We're going to have dinner at 530 without you. Great. And so you and your husband sitting down and saying, okay, we get to map out what this thing looks like. We get to build what it looks like. And you have to be clear about,
When you want to go out on a weekend and you have a particular thing that you need, like I've been in the house all day with all these kids and I'm pregnant again and I need fresh air, I need to move and I need a break from the kids. You need to be able to say, I need a break from the kids. And he needs to be able to say, I've got to work a second job to get some extra money right now.
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Chapter 4: What steps can I take to improve my relationship?
But it's you guys saying what you need and you need to sit down and do a weekly or monthly budget with him together. So you have an idea of what the finances are, of what kind of stress he's under. And if he says, I need to be working, but actually he's just sleeping in on Saturday mornings and then watching football all day. Well, there's a mismatch. So your pictures and words aren't aligning.
But this feels like this, it kind of feels blobby. You never want to be around us. I'm always around you. Yeah, but you never feel like you're, yeah, but I never. And so no one's being specific about what they actually want, what they actually need, and giving the other person an opportunity to say, I can meet those wants and needs, or I'm not going to meet those wants and needs, and here's why.
And that's a more vulnerable conversation. But y'all are there now, because here's what's happening. You are doing what you know to do just harder. Let's do weekend stuff together or more. And he is doing what he knows to do, which is to complain, go act like kind of a toddler, throw a temper tantrum louder and more.
And what's going to happen is you're going to find somebody somewhere that gives you a little bit of peace. You're all going to start ending up co-managers of a pretty wild household. You got four kids. Y'all are outnumbered two to one. You're going to start being good co-managers of your house, but you're going to miss each other in the night.
And so I want you guys to take a small retreat, get together. It can be a Saturday. It can be a Sunday. Talk about money. Talk about adding kid number four. Talk about what you want your house to look like in five years, what you want your house to feel like in five years. And then be very specific about things like, hey, I miss you.
I feel like every time we do things together, you're just annoyed. Is there something I can do to bring some more joy to our time together? I feel like you're stressed about money a lot. And he can talk to you about what he's experiencing using the word I. I'm experiencing you more frustrated than usual. I'm experiencing you more tired than usual. Whatever the words are.
And y'all can get to the root of what's actually going on. I'm really grateful for the call, Amy. I'm going to send you a copy of Building a Non-Anxious Life as my gift. I want you all to use that as a roadmap for your house.
You have a chaotic, anxious house as is, and if there's money stress on top of it and marriage stress on top of it and any sort of other clutter or chaos or lack of sleep or any of those things that come with having four young kids, this will give you a roadmap that you all can work together to build a house that's not anxious.
and thereby give you an opportunity to have a house that's full of peace. Thanks for the call. We'll be right back. So I've been looking for someone I could team up with to offer red light and near infrared light therapy at the highest quality, as well as someone who could help me with my other concerns about our modern living environment as well.
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Chapter 5: How to communicate effectively in a relationship?
Red light and near infrared light therapy has been reviewed in over 4,000 peer reviewed studies with 400 plus of those studies being double blind placebo trials. Not only do these studies show amazing health benefits, not one study has shown negative side effects.
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And everyone starts thinking of new routines, building better habits, stopping things that aren't helpful and overall building a better life. And we all know that most new go get them goals are a waste of time because we don't put in the systems that make them sustainable. So how about this year? Let's focus on fewer, more sustainable goals and let's build better systems.
And let's start by curating a system and a goal that's good for your soul. Let's start this year by focusing on our spiritual lives. In 2025, I want to focus on prayer and meditation. And to do this, I recommend Hallow, the number one prayer app in the world. I use it and I love it.
Hallow offers over 10,000 guided prayers and meditations to help you grow closer to God, answer hard, hard questions and find peace. Hallow has some amazing daily prayers that will be perfect to start your year off with. And one of Hallow's most popular features is the daily reflection with Jonathan Rumi from the TV show, The Chosen.
You can also check out the daily scripture readings, the nightly sleep prayers, the children's sections. And if you don't have much time, there's even something called the daily minute. Hallow makes it easy to build a system and a routine by making a schedule, adding reminders and fostering a community for accountability.
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Chapter 6: What are the signs of emotional stress in family dynamics?
How are you, man? About to have a weird conversation. Probably weird for me, not for you.
Hey, dude, let's get weird as you want to get.
All right, so what I have written is my dad has a huge drug problem that's very likely going to kill him. I'm the only person that he has left, and I've been spinning my wheels on this trying to figure out if I can do anything that's helpful. I know the problem's probably not going to go away and there's probably nothing that I can do, but there has to be a way for me to move forward.
Does that make sense?
25.
How long has this been a part of y'all's life together?
Well, I'm sure that he's had a drug problem for decades. his whole life as far as I know, but my parents got divorced when I was around 10, um, mainly because of this and because he couldn't behave. Um, but he's been in and out of jail since then. And, um, I don't know exactly how long he's been homeless, but he's been homeless in San Francisco for at least 10 years.
Do you have any communication with him?
Uh, he calls me every once in a while. When I was younger, we talked a lot more, but, um, the most recent thing I heard from him was he was in the hospital. The, um, one of the nurses or whoever was taking care of him called me and said that he wanted to talk to me. Um, and I asked how long he had been there, how many times he had been there this year.
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Chapter 7: How to create a peaceful family environment?
Are you married? Yeah. Do you have any kids? I just had one.
He's a year old now.
So are you experiencing the, like, you can't really describe it, the indescribable love of holding a one-year-old that nobody ever told you about, and you're wondering how in the world did your dad pick this life over you?
Yeah, it really gives you a different perspective because when you're younger, you think, well, you just can't seem to get it together. But then you have a kid and you're like, I can't imagine how he didn't.
And so it's common that you will toggle from a life of frustration and fear at growing up in the house of someone who really struggles with a profound drug addiction and divorce. And then you move to some level of compassion. Like you mentioned, just can't get it together. It is what it is. This is my dad. And then you hold your first kid and it's very common that it goes to rage, to anger.
Like, are you kidding me? Like, when you hold that one-year-old, your one-year-old, like, you would burn down a city for that kid. And so it's hard to wrap your head around. And so I guess, number one, I want to implore you to stay in compassion as much as you can because anger is not going to solve the problem. Anger is fine. Rage isn't going to solve the problem. It's okay to be angry.
But rage isn't going to solve the problem, right?
Yeah, and I'm not really so much angry or frustrated, but just like it's got to be something I can't imagine, I guess, since he's in the middle of this crazy addiction, I guess. Yeah. I don't really know how I can help him or if there's any way I can help him.
So pursue the fantasy with me, okay? You get on a plane and you fly down to San Francisco from Mississippi. You fly down to San Francisco. You find him. Y'all hug, have a big reunion. Y'all go to breakfast. And you've set up for him a rehab place where he can go. And you figured out how to pay for it. And it would be ungodly expensive, but you figured out how to pay for it. And he goes.
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