On today’s episode, we hear about: · A husband who just found out about his wife’s affair · A woman unsure how to talk to her fiancé about his weight · A woman wondering if she should quit her job for her upcoming marriage Next Steps: 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch Connect With Our Sponsors: 🌱 Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. 🔴 Get 15% off with code DELONY at Bon Charge. 🌿 Get up to 40% off with code DELONY at Cozy Earth. 🔒 Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. 😇 Go to Hallow for a 90-day free trial. 💤 Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! 🥤 Get 20% off with code DELONY at Organifi. 💪 Get 25% off your order at Thorne. 🏋️ Go to Trainwell to get started! Explore More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 🪑 Front Row Seat with Ken Coleman 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What happened in Derek's marriage involving his wife and a coworker?
My wife and I, we've been married for about a year and a half. She's been having a physical and emotional affair with one of my coworkers. And my coworker happens to also be a lesbian.
Forget your coworker for a second. What about your wife, dude? What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. Talking to people all over the world about challenges in their relationships, their mental and emotional health. All kind of crazy things in this world that we're all trying to figure out how to navigate. It feels like every day the news gets wilder and wonkier and...
just hard to figure out what's the next right move. And that's what this show is about, real people going through real challenges. If this sounds like something you want to be a part of, I'd love to have you. Go to johndeloney.com slash ask, A-S-K, and you fill out the form on the internets, and it will go to Taylor or Kelly, and they will help build the show and holler back at you.
If they want to have you on the show, I'd love to love to have you. Let's go out to Panama city, Florida, Panama. Talk to Derek. What's up, Derek? Hey, Dr. Deloney. What's up, homie? How we doing?
Uh, I've been better.
Oh, what's going on, man?
Uh, so yeah, my wife and I, we've been married for, uh, About a year and a half. And just around our anniversary time, well, two weeks ago I found out, but I found out that around our anniversary time, our one-year mark, that she's been having a physical and emotional affair with one of my coworkers. And my coworker happens to also be a lesbian.
One of those looks like one, talks like one, thinks like one type of chicks. What does that mean? Um, like she, you know, she's on testosterone. She, you know, kind of, she's a woman who thinks and acts and looks like a dude.
Really?
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Chapter 2: How does Dr. John Delony advise Derek about his wife's affair and their future?
Well, throughout other discoveries, I found out about all this because I went through her phone. Um, one night and I found out that, um, there's like certain red flags and stuff. Um, other stuff would be, um, she would go, she went places that she didn't tell me. She'd say she's doing one thing and went, um, other places. But I mean, for the most part, this was like a big, big lie.
Um, other things would be like turning off her location. I couldn't see like where she's gone. Kind of a little like deceitful. acts like that.
She doesn't want to be married to you, man. Yeah, I mean, I hate to say it that blunt, dude, but is she spending money like crazy too? I found out that, yeah.
yeah, she was spending money like crazy. She was spending, she was sending money to people telling it was to family members when she was really buying other stuff with it.
Um, yeah, brother, she doesn't want to be married, man.
Yeah. You know, she's obviously right now going through a whole apologetic phase. um, you know, she did mention she kept in touch. She stays in touch with her ex husband and, who cheated on her, ironically. And she says that, you know, through the text that I saw, that she wants to talk to him about divorce, but mainly because, like, I want kids.
And recently she said that she doesn't want to have kids. And she's questioning her, you know, she brought up that she's bisexual recently. And she's kind of, she told me that she was giving me signs. and all this, but.
Derek, listen to me. Derek.
Yeah.
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Chapter 3: What are Derek's concerns about confronting his coworker and talking to family?
I think the problem is your wife.
Yeah. But I mean, I guess, I mean, seeing this person now, I mean, we don't directly work, but it would be through either passing or on jobs or, you know, at work.
But I mean, what's your boss? Your boss, is it against the company policy?
I'm not sure. I mean, it'll probably, I mean, it'll be like really...
be frowned I mean people look down on her I mean she's trying to essentially promote and get a higher position and honestly bro I don't think it's gonna I mean you can do what you're gonna do man I personally wouldn't spend my energy sitting down and having a big conversation with my boss In most companies in the United States, if you're good at your job, that's what they care about.
And you can be with whoever you want to be with off company time. You can go do that, but I don't know what it's, it's more likely to just make work really an uncomfortable place. It's already uncomfortable, obviously. You can burn whatever you want to the ground. That's your life. I think the bigger issue here is dealing with this woman doesn't want to build a life with you.
doesn't want to be married to you and doesn't want, doesn't share the same values that you share. And that to me is the bigger, more honest place you find yourself. And I'm so sorry that it happened to you, man. I can't tell you what to do next. I can tell you, I don't have a lot of faith in your wife. I've got zero faith actually.
And I don't know how you build a marriage on 100% lack of faith and trust. You can't. So unless there's a major turnaround there, yeah, man, unfortunately, I think things are pretty tough for you right now. Thanks for the call, man. Call me back anytime if I can help in any way. We'll be right back. All right, let's talk about Bond Charge.
I've been on board with the benefits of red light therapy for a long time. And that's why I'm excited to tell you about my friends at Bond Charge. Our lives are lived almost entirely inside under the harrowing glow of fluorescent lights in front of little screens and medium sized screens and big screens. All this stuff affects our mood, our sleep, our anxiety, and the studies are showing it.
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Chapter 4: How does Derek describe his wife's behavior and their relationship struggles?
It's all good. It's all good. What's up?
Yeah. So, well, I have a lot of problems in my life, but I'll just get to the one that I... Pick three or four.
Let's just start there. Pick one.
You can find me like a whole week's worth of shows about my life, but... Anyways, my question today is, how can I talk to my fiancé about his weight without seeming shallow or too judgmental?
I guess my first question is, are you being shallow and judgmental?
I mean, I'm concerned for his health. Okay. So, I mean... He's great in every other way. I couldn't have picked a better person for myself. But I think when we first got together, I was really attracted to the fact that I'm on a weight loss journey. I just lost 90 pounds. I go to the gym five days a week.
And even our first dates were going to the gym and going for bike rides and everything like that. But we moved in together about a year ago. And all of that just stopped. So he's gained all that weight back and then some. And I just, he has no motivation to do anything, like work out with me, go for a walk with me, anything.
So I just don't know how to approach it and be like, hey, you need to take control of your health and I'm just worried about you. I don't want to marry you in a month just to have to
bury you in five years as bad as that sounds let's see hey that's a that what you just told me that's exactly how you say it okay i just that's exactly how you say it and and by the way if you weren't attracted to him i wouldn't think you're being shallow either okay you're allowed to be attracted to who you're attracted to and i know that plays a part of into it but my guess is
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Chapter 5: What is Kelsey's concern about talking to her fiancé about his weight?
Mm-hmm.
He has to decide that you can't force it. And your mom tried to shame you into it, and you know that doesn't work.
Yeah.
She tried to belittle you into it, and you know that doesn't work. Yeah. So the exact conversation you just had with me is what you have with him. We're a month out, and I'm about to push pause on this wedding.
Mm-hmm.
Because I can't commit myself to somebody who's not interested in living a full life. And I've watched you over the last year just give up on life.
I just have so much trauma in my life that it's scary he's going to leave me like my last husband did.
Kelsey, he might.
Yeah.
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Chapter 6: How does Dr. Delony suggest addressing Kelsey's fiancé's health and weight gain?
You're worth that. So Kelsey, yeah, I know it's going to be hard. It's going to be scary. It's all these feelings, all that emotion, but that doesn't mean just because it's hard or just because it hurts that it's not the right move. And I think you are exactly right. This is absolutely the next right move.
Your friend is on a very scary trajectory and you're right to love him enough to say, I'm turning all the lights on. I love you too much. Just let this keep going. And at the end of the day, you can't control him. He could leave. He could just say, forget it. I'm not doing nothing. Then you have to decide, am I going to watch this man slowly drown or am I going to step away?
Because I can't force him to do anything. I'm so sorry you're in this position, Kelsey, but I'll also say on his behalf, thank God he's got you. And man, I hope he'll hear you. Sit down with your counselor and get some very clear talking steps and make sure you're clear about what you want to say.
Write it down and then take them out and say, we're going to put your paws on the wedding because I'm not all right and I know you're not all right. Thanks for the call, sister. We'll be right back. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. All right, you've heard me say this a thousand times and I'm just going to keep saying it. You're worth being well. And I think therapy can help.
Look, I see a therapist. I think a lot of you probably should too. But let's be real. Taking that first step to see a therapist can feel overwhelming. Maybe it's the time commitment. Maybe you have some preconceived notions about therapy. Maybe it's the cost. But listen, we spend time and money at the gym on organic groceries. Some of you are essential oil people. Some of you have tracker watches.
Some of you just knit all day. I don't know what it is, but when it comes to our mental and emotional well-being, We don't want to spend the money. We don't want to spend the time. We hesitate. Your mental and emotional health are just as important as your physical health. And the good news, BetterHelp makes therapy more affordable and more convenient than ever.
Since it's online, you can talk with your therapist when it works for your schedule. No waiting rooms, no long commutes, and no six-month waiting lists. You just get online and fill out a short survey, and they'll match you with a licensed therapist. And if it's not the right fit, you can switch therapists at any time for no extra cost. Hear me say this. Your well-being is worth it.
You are worth it. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Deloney to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash Deloney. All right, let's go out to Shreveport, Louisiana. Write down old I-20 there and talk to Abby. Hey, Abby, what's up?
Hey, Dr. John, thanks for calling me. I was just listening to your show this morning.
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Chapter 7: What emotional challenges are affecting Kelsey and her fiancé's relationship?
I'm just really passionate about the work that I get to do. I get to work with animals regularly. I'm out in the woods every day. And so it's extremely fulfilling in that aspect. But I do have to sacrifice a lot of my personal life for that.
Okay. So you tell me, what's the chances of moving closer?
The only reason that that is not an option for us is my fiance makes significantly more money than I do at this job. And his job is located two hours away from this one. So moving is just not an option because he would have to take such a significant pay cut for us to do that.
Man, you guys have boxed yourselves in, haven't you?
Yes, we have. And both of our families live close to where his job is, and we are extremely close to our families and want to keep that. Our goal has always been to live close to our families so that one day when we do have kids, we're raising them with our village.
Okay. So is some of this he knows who he married and he knows that you're out of town four days a week?
Yes. Yeah, he knows. He's extremely supportive. My job is also his dream job. So he's extremely supportive and he understands why I'm doing it. The hope has been for me to eventually get a job down in central Louisiana where we live. But it seems like that's not...
That's not going to become a thing anytime soon because I've been waiting on some jobs to come open, but they've been canceled with a lot of the federal funding cuts. Yeah, no kidding. And they've been pushed back.
Yeah, that's a conservation nightmare. I've been reading up on that. It's wild, man. Yes, it is. What is it about your job that you love?
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Chapter 8: Why does Dr. Delony recommend pausing the wedding based on Kelsey's story?
It's like I hit the jackpot with a biologist job with this one.
Sure. Well, and I guess there's two things I would put on the table. One is nobody in the world, nobody...
saw a conservative senate house and presidency coming in and all of the resulting cuts to public land conservation nobody saw that coming no i definitely didn't nobody did in a billion years nobody saw that right right i'm watching the most conservative people i know who are outdoorsmen just like in a panic right i'm reading up i'm like it's nobody saw that coming here's what i tell you that
The job that you have, will it still be here in 18 months, 24 months, 36 months? That's number one. I think it's the sense that it's always going to be here. And all of your colleagues thought that too. They thought that a month ago.
Right.
Right? So that's number one. The second one is... This one's unpopular, right? Still probably my top one or two favorite jobs ever of all time. Like the job I have right now is like a glitch in the matrix. It's not real, okay?
Yeah, that's how I feel about my job.
Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's silly. This is my job, okay? I was a high school basketball coach and a track coach. I loved it. And I coached cross country. And then I went to basketball season and then went to track season. And I was unmarried. I had no kids. And so I got up at six o'clock. I had to be in my classroom by like 640. So because the bell rang at 710 or something got awful early.
And I'd get home at midnight. And that was just my life. And I loved it. I loved it. And I get to look back on it now in season as the great job that it was. It was a blast. I got to hang out with lots of amazing high school athletes, lots of amazing high school kids. I mean, it was just an amazing... Coaches, I got to learn so much. It was a great time in my life.
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