Should We Stay Married for the Sake of Our Kids?
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Should we stay married for the sake of our kids?
Instead of getting divorced, would staying married and being friends with my husband be helpful or more harmful to our four children?
I've come to hate that question, so tell me more. That question is very surface-y. So, I feel like there's something you're not telling me. Like there's a thing beneath the thing. What am I missing here? What up? What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. I'm so glad that you're with us. So glad, man. Every day I wake up and I'm like, man, I'm running a scam called a podcast and a YouTube show. It's so great that you're with us. and helping me with my scam. We're talking about your mental and emotional health. We're talking about your relationships. For 20 years, I've been sitting in the messy lives of hurting people, trying to figure out what's the next right move. And now I get to do it on the internet with all of you. So grateful that you're with us. If you'll take one second, real quick, and just stop, collaborate, and hit subscribe, wherever you happen to be. it makes a huge difference. We're so close to the million subscriber mark. And man, every one of you guys, men and women who are out there who hit the subscribe button, it makes a huge difference.
So thank you so, so much. All right, let's roll out to Las Vegas, Nevada, home of the great Michael Easter. And we're going to talk to Brittany. What's up, Brittany?
What are the effects of staying married when there's infidelity?
Hi, Dr. John. Thank you so much for taking my call. I'm so excited to talk to you today. So my question for you today is, instead of getting divorced, would staying married and being friends with my husband be helpful or more harmful to our four children?
Hmm. I've come to hate that question, so tell me more. And it's not you. I don't hate you. I think you're wonderful. Good to meet you, Brittany.
Nice to meet you.
I think that question is very surfacy. So walk me through what's going on in your world.
Okay, so me and my husband, we've been married for 12 years. Right after I gave birth to our first child, my husband found himself addicted to pornography and looking at other women's social media profiles. So he would kind of start a cycle of looking at that for about a year, and then he would secretly stop for a year. And then he would do like a trickle down confession to me over a few weeks. So we did that cycle like every year for nine years. So just a lot of loss of trust and stuff over that time.
But you're also like, one second, that's always symptomatic. So that also means you're married to somebody who is a shell of themself or who is, doesn't like the skin he inhabits, right?
Yes.
Tell me about that guy.
Yeah. Yeah. So that guy, um, that guy, I think never felt like he was good enough. He felt like all he just needed to provide to create this multimillion dollar financial estate for him and his family. And that all that mattered was money. And, um, I needed just to be like the housewife for him and be perfect so that he could go do all the house or the finance stuff. And then when I wasn't perfect, surprise, because we had four kids in six years and I was tired and not making dinners every night really triggered him in this perfect world that he wanted. And I think he wasn't confident in himself either very sexually and emotionally. Um, I just think overall, he just wasn't happy of who he was, but instead of taking all the blame, he would just put it on me.
We kind of figured that out through therapy.
So, um, so yeah, you got four years, a decade plus, so including the time y'all dated. So you're going on a decade and a half ish, right?
Yes.
Okay. And y'all are considering calling it. Tell me about that.
How can a couple rebuild trust after betrayal?
So this last time that he came and confessed of what he'd been looking at and stuff, I asked him if he could just move out. I needed some physical space. My body was like fight or flight mode. I was breaking out in rashes and I couldn't sleep at night. I just, my body just needed some like physical separation from him. And it was, and that was really good. I was able to just like come back down to myself. And I just kind of realized, I don't want to do this for the rest of my life. And I felt like at that time, I was like, I think I deserve to be treated a little bit better than this. And I don't want my daughters to settle to be treated not like a queen. And so I told him that, you know, after we've been doing therapy for a while, I just don't...
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
Should we stay married for the sake of our kids?
0:05–1:30
2
What are the effects of staying married when there's infidelity?
1:30–4:18
3
How can a couple rebuild trust after betrayal?
4:18–9:57
4
What should I consider before deciding to divorce?
9:57–14:36
5
What are the signs of emotional safety in a relationship?
14:36–27:11
6
How to find your passion and career path?
27:11–30:39
7
What are the benefits of serving others in your career?
30:39–33:00
8
How to navigate feelings of insecurity about education?
33:00–40:36