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Chapter 1: What does it mean to lose your spark?
You know, most of the time it's not that there is less magic available to you, it's that you are less available to the magic. This morning, I posted a little sexy selfie on my Instagram stories, just leaning into the mirror, saying, good fucking morning, right? It was hot, it was sexy, it was a moment. And someone replied to that Instagram story saying,
Florence, please tell me, don't you ever feel down? And how do you feel better? I mean, I've heard your podcasts and I know one needs to create something or most of all, look inside themselves. But I used to be that person. I used to be that person. And now I feel like I've lost my emotional intelligence.
And what I think that this person is saying is, I feel like I've lost my emotions and my ability to feel deeply and be excited about things. And then they finish it with, I am unable to notice anything. I am unable to notice anything. And so I thought, immediately I thought I need to do an entire episode on this because I get messages like this all the time.
People assume because I'm a public facing person and I'm a personality and I am a happy go lucky ray of fucking sunshine. People think that I must not experience sadness. People assume I must not experience
depression or anxiety or sadness, because you only see the moments where I'm connecting with you and being in my role of giving big sister advice and sharing my philosophies and writing my books and stuff. But I experience a loss of magic all the time. That's what this person's talking about.
They're talking about experiencing a loss of magic and she's gone on her phone and she's seen a selfie of me on Instagram and she's thinking, don't you ever feel down? I get messages like this, hundreds of messages a week from people being like, how do you always feel so good? And I don't always feel good. And that's what I want to talk about today is how the fuck do I make myself feel good?
How do I make myself feel that connection to wonder and awe and joy in my life? Because it is a connection. It is something that you need to hook up with. You need to hook up with the frequency of joy and awe and wonder. And I've actually been feeling a lack of this in my life right now.
I was just walking on my morning walk the other day and I remember looking at the beautiful houses in LA and I felt really sad because I was like, oh, I used to look at these houses and feel something. I used to look at these houses and feel awe. I used to look at these houses and feel something sacred and something special. And I just didn't feel it on my morning walk.
And the funny thing is, this happens to me all the time. I will go through these little rounds of not feeling the magic in my life. And I feel like I get amnesia about... The fact that this happens literally every few months or so, because we are always forgetting and remembering and forgetting and remembering.
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Chapter 2: How can you reconnect with your emotions and joy?
When I notice I'm off, it's just alignment. The thing that you are seeking is alignment. You're not actually seeking what I have, right? You maybe want my confidence, how self-possessed I am, how much I know myself. I think a lot of women that come to my videos that say something similar, they remember a version of themselves that was as alive and self-expressive as I am now, right?
And I've had to sort of preserve this inner flame my entire fucking life. So many people have tried to put out my flame my entire life. And I take a great joy and pleasure in preserving that shit anyway. I take a great joy and pleasure in being the cunt that's just brave and keeps going. I almost imagine it like a fire hydrant.
You know, you get those fire hydrants and they, like, just shoot out foam. I refuse to let people sort of spray their fire hydrant, foamy, fire-dousing crap all over me. And even if it gets to me in the moment, right, if life clouds my flame and it dampens it... That's not a permanent state. You can just light back up again. You did it before, you can do it again.
That's the most important thing about when you lose your spark. That's my entire last book. By the way, Women Living Deliciously was my previous book. And... That entire book was about recovering my spark. I've literally written an entire book all about this because I lost my spark. I was publicly shamed. I had lost friends. I was so convinced.
of everything that people were telling me about myself, I was so afraid of expressing myself, and I came alive again.
And that entire book that I wrote, Women Living Deliciously, is literally about women remembering how good it feels to be alive, how good it feels to have a body, let alone a body that needs to look a certain way, just how good it feels to live inside this fucking vessel that you were given. And that...
living deliciously thing i saw a woman on a morning run when i was living in london just run past me and she went to she was in a little sports bra sweating her tits off like panting down the street like this sweating her tits off and i was sat on a little bench meditating i opened my eyes and i saw this woman with all her stomach rolls hanging out and little sports bra just yeah
panting down the street and she goes good morning and then i turn left and then she has she goes over to this lavender bush and she picks up this sprig of lavender like this on her run and staples it to her nose and just sniffs this lavender and then goes about her run around this park with her fingers shoved against her fucking nose sniffing this lavender
And I was just like, that is living deliciously. That is a woman in her fucking body. That's a woman in touch with her magic, right? Wouldn't you say that's a woman in touch with her magic? I can't even imagine the self-consciousness I would feel in that situation. Running, flapping her arms with her tongue out, panting, not giving a fuck about looking pretty, right? Yeah?
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Chapter 3: What are the signs that you've lost your magic?
Yes. I lose the tingly little sparkly thing that I feel when I look at the world without fear, right? When I'm looking at the world without fear and I'm just looking at the world through love and I'm interacting with the world. through the lens of love, so much magic happens. So much beauty happens. I'm actually open to receiving the beauty that was always there. It was always there.
And the thing in the way is just fear. It's your self consciousness. It's your idea that the world is a scary place. And the way that I sort of cracked away and chiseled at this layer of ice inside of me of fear and shame. The way I cracked away at that was through tiny baby steps of expansion.
So during those periods where I was a complete shell of myself and I was afraid of posting online, I was afraid of dressing up, I didn't want anyone to see me in public, and I was just so... afraid i'm actually writing all about this right now in something exciting that i can't wait to announce with you soon but self-expression is the fucking medicine and
Again, this person in their message also said, I've listened to your podcast. I know what I need to do. But I just can't seem to push that extra layer. And it's that gap, isn't it, between knowing what you need to do and fucking doing it. And that is fear. In this gap, it's fear and it's a belief that you are not the kind of person that does stuff like that.
You don't think that you are the kind of person to express yourself, to create things, to be happy. To the point where joy and exhibiting it almost feels illegal and selfish and embarrassing. You can't even remember what that shit feels like. And the path back to magic is through deciding that you are ready to exhibit that now.
In my last book, Women Living Deliciously, I even wrote something as simple as, I think it was, I said something like, the decision to simply look up Look up. Don't look at your phone. Look up. If you want more joy, awe, and wonder in your life, make the simple decision to look up. Not at your phone. Go for a walk and put your phone in your pocket. It might be the hardest thing you do all week.
Because it's so habitual, right? I intentionally have magic walks in the morning. I bake it into my routine. I go for a walk and I look at the world and I look with wonder. But lately I've hired a new assistant and I'm texting her about things all the time. And so my morning walk has been colonized by productivity.
I'm like, well, it's a good time for me now to just like get back to my PA and let her know what stuff she's doing for the day and do this. And suddenly this magical block of my day has been colonized by productivity. This space I, and obviously I'm conscious of it. I'm aware of it now and I can change it. And I did it this morning. Right. And I made, made the decision to park that.
But there are these gaps that we have in our life that actually need to be empty. They need to be left empty. And I think that is why you're not feeling the magic anymore. It's because you're not creating and leaving enough room in your life for it. If we leave these gaps open, there's room for us to feel things. I wrote an entire chapter about that in my book called Please Mind the Gap.
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Chapter 4: How do self-consciousness and fear affect your happiness?
the neighbor that's come in, that they've done something different with their hair. You might notice the song playing. You might feel something. But as long as there is a screen between you and reality, you will never feel the magic that is existing behind it. You literally narrow your perspective. And I'm not hating on phones right now.
You might even be watching this on your phone, listening to this on your phone, right? I'm not a hater of the cell phone. It's completely revolutionized my career and changed my life forever. I love it. It's connected me to you. I'm so grateful for it. And it is a tool, and tools have rules. But we've been given these things with no rules.
And so I would bet on my life that if you're feeling a lack of magic... It's also because there are no gaps free in your life for the magic to find you. And I don't want to say that in some wanky, fucking esoteric, vague bullshit way. Keep the gaps open and the magic will find you. And you're like, well, yeah, guess what? I'm depressed and I feel like shit. What are you talking about, floss?
I am talking about those micro things. Put your phone down in the elevator. When you're walking on the street, look up. Look up at someone, make eye contact with someone. I did a whole episode on this called The Art of Lingering. You should go check it out.
You know, losing your magic, the way I would describe it is it feels like... I literally asked myself this this morning, I was like, when did everything become so serious in my life? Like, why am I taking everything so seriously? Do you ever feel that? I'm like, why is this? This isn't even fucking important. Why am I stressed out about what rug to get from Facebook marketplace?
And that's been rattling around in my brain for the last half an hour. And I'm treating it like it's life or death. Like, why is everything so serious? It's not. It's not. And I'm not saying this to... say that whatever it is you're going through in your life is fickle, because big things happen all the time.
I've got big things in my life right now as well, but I'm not talking about the big things. I'm talking about the loss of magic. And weirdly, weirdly, the closer I am to darkness or some sort of tragedy, or a loss of something in my life. Like when I slipped a disc in my spine and I was doubled over, walking around Tokyo, doubled over, literally hobbling. I could not... stand up straight.
I physically couldn't do it because my muscles were contracted on the left side of my spine, protecting me from standing up because if I stood up, I would be compressing the nerve that was already pinched in my back. And so what the body does, because our bodies love us, she was protecting me and she was saying, you're not standing up because if you do that, you're going to damage this nerve.
And so I was hobbled over, right?
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Chapter 5: What practical steps can you take to rediscover joy?
People asking me if I'm okay.
I went to get my iced flat white, which was my order. Iced flat white at this coffee shop in an area in Tokyo that I was staying in. And the woman would see me hobbling over every day. That was my one walk. It's all I could manage. And I was not going to stay inside the apartment that I was staying in because that's just so depressing. Staying indoors is so depressing. I need to leave.
I need to see some sort of sunlight, a human being. I need to get out of the four walls of my apartment. There's a quote that's like, I can't remember who fucking said it, but it goes, never trust a thought that you have indoors. Period. That's wisdom right there. Never trust a thought that you have indoors.
You need to get out first thing in the morning because then you're not just sort of swelling in your own repeated environments. Thoughts, you know, you wake up, you see the mirror, you think the same thoughts, you see this and it triggers your environment, triggers thought patterns in your head. So you just got to get out as soon as possible.
And so when I slipped a disc in my back, I was like, I'm not staying in fucking doors because I know what that shit does to me. Okay, so I get out, I go outside and this woman held the door open for me. She saw me hobbling down the little street and she opened the door for me and waited for me to walk in. Simple human gestures of kindness like that just brought me to tears of gratitude.
And it's so weird. I don't know if you've ever experienced this, but any sort of loss of identity or loss of the self or a breakup, a friend breakup, even like being publicly shamed, it... I get this like close sense of magic and gratitude for my life. You know?
And so it's weird because actually you do sort of weirdly retrospectively crave these experiences in life because they, they bring you closer to the magic. You know, it's not just the extreme highs. It's, It's also the lows that bring you together with people. Because you have to rely on people more. And you see the world differently when things happen to you.
But on the note of how do you get your magic back, I just said I can't stay indoors. That's probably the number one thing. I go through like a little checklist in my head when I'm feeling like shit. I'm like, hmm. Did we leave our apartment today? Did we say hello to a stranger? Did we smile? Did we do any of the basic fucking things that we need to do to feel good?
I have a friend that talks about her. She calls it an inner crisis. mistress, like a little fussy mistress inside of her. No, she calls it a high maintenance mistress inside of her. And if her high maintenance mistress doesn't get what she needs, she's going to make her depressed. So you want to almost imagine it like this little mistress inside of you that needs to dance. She needs sunlight.
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Chapter 6: How does self-expression play a role in finding your spark?
I've never used lighting ever to film the Florence Given show. I've always just waited for the natural light to hit my room, which is just insane. But I've got these new lights and when I turn the light on, It was like every anxious thought in my head just dissolved because it felt like sunshine. Which is why I moved to LA, okay? This is how seriously I take my happiness.
I moved to LA because I need sunshine. to just feel bright and sprightly. I've always known this about myself and I just, for years, you know, I think the UK, I read somewhere it gets like 30 days of sunshine in a year and I just knew I couldn't carry on. I just couldn't carry on. So you gotta find the things that make you happy and gear your life around them, right?
And I'm not suggesting everyone has the resources or the time or the energy. to get the visa and do this and do that to move across to sunshine. But if you do, fucking do it. It doesn't have to be LA, it could be Spain. Or you get your little sun lamps in the morning, you know?
I think that sort of loss of magic actually needs to come with a degree of radical accountability about asking yourself, before you even start to feel sorry for yourself, yeah? Don't let it get to that point where you're like, oh. I'm no, I don't feel so good. And you start to enjoy feeling sorry for yourself and resenting the women that feel amazing, right? Don't let it get to that point, okay?
Don't you dare let it get to that point. You want to do a radical inventory with yourself and ask yourself, have I even done the things that made me feel good? You can't just wait to feel good. You've got to do the thing. So for me, I just also just got my nails done. I made an entire episode about this called
A good outfit is a fucking spell because a good outfit does cast a spell over my confidence. And I haven't had long red nails for so long because I'm writing something at the moment. And if I have long nails, it creates friction between me and typing. I just don't do it. Okay. But I haven't also felt this like sexy je ne sais quoi about myself for a while.
And I was like, oh, it's because I haven't got my nails done. Oh, I haven't got extensions done. Let me get extensions. And let me tell you, I feel fucking amazing right now. I feel so good with these on. I feel so beautiful with my nail extensions done. And then I got a blow dry and I got hair treatments. And I put this little, I bought some new clothes.
So everything that I'm wearing right now is a completely new outfit. And I haven't stopped wearing it. It's like my new little uniform. It's a leopard print scarf with this beautiful blouse that I picked up from a vintage store. It's so cute. And cute things make me feel cute. I had to paint this room pink because my inner high maintenance mistress needs a pink bedroom in order to be happy.
and I'm done fighting it. I'm done fighting the power that color has over my life. These are just the things that have helped me, you know? I need fresh flowers. I feel amazing when I have fresh flowers. It brings natural elements into my home. It makes me so happy. I'm currently staring at a beautiful vase of flowers that I have. Let me show you. Let me show you.
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Chapter 7: What are the small daily practices to feel more alive?
But oh my goodness me, I started recording my videos on social media a while ago with, I have a very specific little frame that I create. I put my flowers that frame my videos next to me. I have two vases of flowers on my desk always so that when I record a little talking video, they're just always there. So yeah, if you ever feel like life has just stopped giving you goosebumps,
and you miss that childlike sense of awe or you miss that confidence. I feel this other time. I don't even look at other women and feel that way, that like, oh, she's got that thing. Sometimes I do, right? But mostly I'm looking at old versions of me. Mostly when I'm comparing myself, I'm looking at old versions of me and I'm like, God, I miss that spark. I miss that thing.
I miss that je ne sais quoi that I had. I didn't know how great I had it then. When will I feel like that again? And I just end up looking back at myself retrospectively with this rose tinted lens. Because I don't see all of the doubts and insecurities and all of the bullshit I was going through at the time. And it feels like I've lost my magic or something. But I haven't. I never have.
I think part of the wisdom of what you're experiencing here, this person or any of you listening who feel like you've lost your spark, part of the wisdom is that you noticed something. right? This person here said in their message, I am unable to notice anything. I'm unable to notice the beauty. I'm unable to notice and observe life. But you noticed that you've lost your spark.
You've noticed that there is a gap. You've noticed that there is a gap between How good you know life can feel and how it feels for you right now. And now all you need to do is fill that gap with one small thing every day that you know makes you feel good. And it's a flow. All of this is a flow. You're never going to be done making yourself feel good. You know what I realized this morning?
I said this to myself out my window. I stepped my head out the window. And I didn't feel the magic. And I just said, oh, I need to listen to more music. I'm not listening to music enough. I'm not listening to music enough. And it's because... My life is normally filled with music, right?
But I've been spending so much time sort of, I'm in this period of my life where I'm really building systems so that these systems and these teams can hold everything that I want to expand into, okay? I'm done with the DIY stuff. I've been doing DIY for fucking years and I need teams now. I have a podcast team.
I want people to help me edit my social media videos so I can post on there all the time. I've only got two hands. And with these two hands, I have to do everything. I have to write. I have to set the mic. I have to do this. I have to do that. I have to write my books. These two hands do everything. That is not enough hands. My ambitions are meeting the physical limits of my two hands.
That is insane. And I've built some of my team up, but I'm doing more and more of it.
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Chapter 8: How can you create space for magic in your life?
But because I'm doing that, I'm spending a lot of time building systems, training people, right? And I'm not spending a lot of time doing what I love, which is creating. All I want to do is create. But this is necessary. I am creating the systems in my life so that all I can do is just create because everything else is handled. And I'm in this period where...
I'm not experiencing as much play, as much spontaneity because I'm in this planning building mode, right? And it's a lot for my ego, my creative ego, I guess you would say. My creative inner muse sort of resents doing all the boring, practical, 3D, tangible admin stuff. But if I don't do this, I will never be able to create the scale that I want. And so I'm in a building phase right now.
And life, I guess, doesn't feel as whimsical and romantic. But that's a decision that I get to decide to turn on. And music helps me turn that on. And music helps. And I felt that this morning. I was like, Oh, I need to listen to some, I need to listen to the black keys. You know, sometimes I like to just go for a drive.
I've been listening to heart since I moved to LA and sometimes just listening to them while I'm driving. Like, even if I want to go for a morning walk, I won't just leave my apartment to go for a walk. I will drive somewhere to go for a walk so that I can blast music and just tune my frequency up. If you feel like you've lost the magic, you haven't.
One year ago, I got the word magic tattooed on my hand. I think I've told you a little bit about this story before in another episode, but I got it tattooed on my hand because I had this massive awakening where I really, really, really remembered the magic of being alive. And I remembered my power. I remembered how fucking powerful I am and how I can get anything I want.
And I can get whatever I want fucking quickly as well. And I remember this magic and I was like, oh, wow. I am experiencing a really potent form of that power. And I never want to forget that I was the one that created this. I was the one that created this. I can just switch it on. through doing the things that make me feel good. And I never wanted to forget that.
So I got magic tattooed on my hand because I am the fucking magic. You are the fucking magic. It's not outside of you. It's within you. And once you shift your state, once you shift yourself, through doing the things that make you feel good, yeah? I don't care how vain it is. I don't care how vain it is. The thing that you think is really vain, you love to get your hair done.
You love to get your nails done. You love to go shopping. You love to call your bestie on the phone and have a yap. You love to watch your favorite TV show and romanticize your favorite era in history. You love to read the comment sections on a YouTube video to remember that you're not alone and that other people like the same music as you. You like to go and get flowers.
You like to sit at the park and watch the ducks or watch little dogs running around. I don't care how small it is. Just raise your frequency. Raise your frequency. Make yourself feel good. That's what raise your frequency means, by the way. It means just doing things that make you feel good. Going dancing. is raising your frequency, yeah?
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