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Chapter 1: How does success impact dating and relationships?
He was so upset that his mum even took me aside and asked me not to mention my ATAR to his grandma as it makes him feel inferior.
I either have them completely remove me, I won't hear from them, or on a few occasions I've actually had them flat out say that they are intimidated.
That's giving incel. That is. That right there. Yeah. I think when they come across like a partner who's like more successful than them, then they're like, oh, well then what do I have to offer them? You have realized that men are attracted to the idea of your success, but then in the actual day to day reality of it isn't what the guy wants.
Hi, I'm Dee Salvin and I have successfully been UTI free for about a year and a half until now. Oh, zero days since incident. Zero days.
Zero days.
Since incident. I had a really good run. I got back my urine sample positive. Yeah. I'm that bitch. It actually felt good to have a positive test for once. So I'm on the 80s. Validating. And we're going through the wars, aren't we, Pip? Yeah, I'd say hi, I'm Pip Rasmussen. I'm successful at like rarely getting sick. It's probably been about six months. And then today, boom, in the actual wars.
If you're watching this, I'm wearing a mask. It's like very COVID throwback. It's very COVID throwback. The doors even opened to the studio. We sprayed around. The videographers have left the room. Like, I feel like patient zero. I feel really bad. I'm really scared of getting people sick. You know Taylor Lorenz, actually?
Yeah, yeah.
She wears a mask in all of her podcasts because she's very pro-mask. Oh. I actually feel like her now. I actually agree. I'm like, bring the mask back because I was on a plane last night. This is why we are doing this podcast with Pipsick because – I'm still jet-setting around Australia. Book tours. She's touring. I was in Brisbane, Gold Coast.
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Chapter 2: What challenges do women face when dating successful men?
And they get intimidated by that or they get intimidated by the fact that like you and I don't really shy away from hard convos. Yeah. And we're really curious about, you know, sex and relationships and we know so much. So I think like in that sense, I would say we're successful with like our careers but also what we know.
I feel like we're really skilled in we are just so informed and I think that can be intimidating. Yeah. Have you had anyone be intimidated by like your success financial or – I don't know. Weirdly, no. I feel like a lot of people have really enjoyed my success, which has been really lovely. And maybe they even benefit off it a little bit. You know what I mean? They're like, mum's taking me out?
Yes. Literally. I always used to make jokes and be like, put it on mummy's plastic. Like, I don't know. I, I've been really lucky in that sense, but I know that from our DMs and from voice memos, like we had so many people get in touch. Even, um, producer Camille, who you may or may not know about, but you know, she sometimes helps us out on the show.
She actually was like, this is my dating life. Like she's like every, like a lot of people I've dated have been really intimidated by my success. Yeah, it's definitely a thing. We put it up on Instagram and asked you, have you ever felt like someone was intimidated by success when dating? 64% of you said yes. So in this episode, I reckon let's break it up.
Let's go through dating and some of the things that people have been intimidated by when it comes to your quote unquote success. And then let's talk about relationships and unpack that. And then, yeah, we'll hear from some of you about why you might have felt really intimidated or jealous or whatever it was about someone else's success.
So one of the definitions of success, let's talk about lifestyle or different life phases. This was something that we heard a lot from you and Phil experienced this recently in his dating life. I started hanging out with him and chatting with him, getting to know him a bit more. He's lived in many different parts of the world. He now lives in a really nice house near the city.
He's got a good income. And he goes on months-long overseas trips every year. We're talking three, four months overseas. So there's a lot about him that I find attractive. Contrast that with myself, however, I'm still working in retail and I'm still living with my family because I'm saving up to buy my own place. And even though I'm 28 years old now, I've never been overseas before at all.
So when I look at this guy, I'm not jealous of his success at all. I'm really happy for him that he's done well for himself. But... I feel like he's out of my league. I feel like I've got nothing to match with his success. That's kind of what's let me down and why I've not pursued him, if that makes sense. It's not that I'm jealous of him.
It's that I feel like I'm not good enough for him because I don't have the same level of success that he does. It does make a lot of sense. I think a lot of people said that kind of similar. I feel like they're out of my league. And sometimes people even told us where they were like, what am I even going to talk to them about?
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Chapter 3: How does societal pressure affect men's perceptions of success?
Like how often we're doing like peer reviewed and PhD like, you know, research. Thank you. Yeah. For your service. Tess sent us a DM saying, I was dating this guy for a couple of years. I worked my ass off and got an ATAR of 96. My boyfriend floated through high school and got an ATAR in the mid 60s.
If you're overseas, by the way, this is kind of like the score you get at the end of year 12 when you do all your exams. Yeah. Final bit of high school. Yeah, 96 is really high. When results came out, he couldn't congratulate or celebrate me even though he was aware that he didn't put in the work.
He was so upset that his mum even took me aside and asked me not to mention my ATAR to his grandma and other extended family as it makes him feel inferior. Oh! That's fucked. I hate that the money got involved. I hate, hate, hate that so much. That's so bad.
Holly here saying, a man told me he doesn't date women who earn more than him and he said, I definitely don't date younger women who are more educated than me either. Mind you, I'm a two-year uni student about to be a law graduate who saved up and just bought a house. That's giving incel. That right there. Imagine saying that out loud. Yeah, I know.
Also that stat that you talked about when it's like you tend to date within your number, if you say you're a six or whatever. I was thinking about incels and being like, I feel like the guys are always like a five or a six and they're trying to date like a 10. Or they're angry that they're not getting 10s. Yeah, exactly. Francesca said, anytime I say I have a degree, guys are less interested.
But if I say I'm a yoga teacher, they love it. Oh my God. And yes, like we were saying before, that Dr. Caroline story that we did years ago where she's an aerospace engineer, I reached out to her in the DMs because I was like, babe, give us an update. Because we did this story four years ago, Pip. I was like in the DMs, I was like, what's the latest? How are you going?
Are people still intimidated by aerospace engineer? And this is what she said. Since we last spoke I've turned 30 years old. I got my PhD in aerodynamics and have now attained a pretty senior position in a large engineering company. I work my butt off and I also get lots of time to see my friends and have a good time.
I've recently gone through the process of purchasing my second property in Sydney with a friend but I'm also nearly seven years single and that's
kind of sad now I really want to meet my person I really want to have babies but they don't really seem to be interested in a woman like me who has pursued an academic career I guess in higher education I'm still trying my best though I'm dating as much as I can sending the good vibes but it's rough being a single woman with a doctorate and properties who can look after herself
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Chapter 4: What experiences do women share about being intimidated by success?
We don't talk about it. But I was... closing on my apartment getting the keys and we had been dating the whole time leading up to it and I think he kind of thought that it was a pipe dream and then he was standing in the apartment that I had just bought him a non-property owner and
the relationship kind of crumbled immediately after that and we had been dating for well over a year and he was nowhere near that level of success for property or for how much he had in his super and stuff like that okay that really reminds me of that love is blind uh episode came out this year where jessica and this guy called chris were like together he proposed he was so obsessed with her he was like promising her the world was like they were like front runner couple right and
They then after the pods, also spoiler alert if you haven't watched the scenes, but I came out at the start of the year. So what are you doing? They came out of the pods. She took him to her house and she's a doctor, massive, massive house, really successful, has her life fully together. Like she's just amazing.
And he completely switched and he basically tried to tear her down by being like, I've decided that there's no sexual chemistry and I'm not attracted to you because you don't do Pilates. Yeah. And it's something that I think a lot of you resonated with in terms of that dynamic switching, even like into long-term relationships.
Obviously theirs was short because it was a TV show, but they were engaged. You know, they were engaged. And a lot of people, you know, got into our DMs and told us about that, like that dynamic really shifting. This is something that Sienna went through when she moved interstate. So me and my partner at the time moved to Tasmania and he wanted to pursue outdoor adventures and
I don't know, get on the Jack Kerouac Adventure bandwagon and I kind of moved with him and then got a really good job, made really good friends and then started saving for a house, which I eventually bought and He kind of wrote the coattails of my success. And when we broke up, he realized that he didn't have any friends or anything like that because I had done it all.
And I think that's ultimately why we broke up. He was just like quite intimidated by how successful I had become on the guise of like... a spontaneous interstate move.
This reminded me of something that was in the Guardian article, Pip, where they said, despite earning less than men on average, NARS 2025 data show that single women report a greater willingness to make financial sacrifices to prioritise their home buying goals. 41% reported spending less on entertainment, vacations, clothing and non-essential goods compared with 31% of single men.
So like even with her experience there, Sienna, despite the move being for him, she locked in, she made friends, she built a life, she saved money, she bought a house. And then at the end of the day, he was like, oh God, the dynamic shifted and he realized that she was like,
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Chapter 5: How do traditional gender roles influence relationship dynamics?
They're like perpetuating this idea that men are providers. They're meant to be the breadwinner. They're meant to have all this money. They're meant to be successful. They've got these like manosphere influences telling them that that's what you should do to be a quote unquote man.
And so it can feel really conflicting and you can understand why you would feel like inadequate in a relationship where your partner is the person who's doing all of those things that the world is telling you you should be doing to be considered a quote unquote great guy. No, I feel like it's not just like those extreme levels. Like it's just years and years of patriarchy.
And we're at this really weird time in like in the world right now where it's like women are our earning men.
women have higher levels of education we're finishing school we are quote-unquote more successful and that's I guess like yeah as we've unpacked in so many of our you know manosphere and masculinity kind of episodes it's just guys are just like oh I don't really know where what I'm meant to do now because I got told that I was meant to be this thing and like what am I what's the point if I can't do that
And on the other side of that, we got this voicemail from Liam saying, you know, it works both ways. Like girls write guys off sometimes when they maybe aren't in those traditional roles and they have this expectation that guys should be earning more money. And this was his experience.
I just remember this one hinge date I had where this girl, she was a smidge older than me and she really had all her ducks in a row. And when she asked me about my work, I was entry level and still finding my feet. And when that became apparent, she was...
like kind of light left her eyes and she was just kind of disappointed and you just tell when someone's writing you off like that so i'm not convinced that women don't give a shit about this i think it's interesting what liam's saying because it like he's it's right like there are definitely women out there who i see it online as well who are like men are trash just go for guys who make you some money like yeah do you know what i mean so i'm like it does work both ways where there is still this pressure put on guys and
from women who were dating men to be like what why aren't you earning more than me or like this is the role that you should be in blah blah blah yes but really interestingly if we go back to that research around you know people do genuinely partner with others who are from similar education class backgrounds values religion lifestyles attractiveness that kind of thing this same research also found that educational assortmenting changes with women's increasingly
increasing tendency to marry men with less education than themselves so this is from 2024 so a paper found that actually that is starting to shift as women are having higher levels of education they actually are dating guys who aren't as educated but that's obviously not about money that's about education So they weren't dating people who were the same.
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