What Was Jack Doing Under the Covers?
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What weird airport security fantasy does Jack reveal at the start?
All right, before we start, I want to ask you a question. Do you think this is weird? So when I go through airport security, I secretly hope the alarm goes off and that I have to get pat down. What? Do you feel like that? Do you like that? No. Why? What do you mean? What do you mean?
I don't know why. Is it a guy or a girl you want to be patted down
by? No, but I just like the feeling of like, oh, fuck. I'm not getting touched up or anything, but just getting patted down just makes my morning a bit more exciting if they're patting me down. Are
you saying you want to live
close to the edge of life? And they have that really nice touch when they like, say they're touching the back of your arm and stuff, they just like kind of rub it and you just get like a little back scratch for a second. And I kind of just hope it goes off. Is that weird?
I think so. I think it means you're lacking affection at home. I don't know what it means, but...
Sarah, help him out. Fuck, I feel like a few... I reckon there's people out there that are in the same boat as me. It's also a little bit dangerous. It's like, oh, what am I
carrying? And then I just get touched up. No, but you're the opposite of wanting to be in danger. You would freak the fuck out.
I know, I know. So I don't understand. No, but it's like, I know nothing's going to happen, but they're kind of like a bit, whoa, is this guy like dangerous? So I get that kind of, I get that feeling and then a little back scratch. You heard it here first.
I want to talk about the etiquette of sharing a bed with a friend. So, you know, as all friends, sooner or later, you're going to be in Airbnb or a hotel and you're going to have to share a bed with a friend. Over the years, Jack and I obviously have had to share a lot of beds. And Jack is known for some strange things happening when you share a bed with him. Okay. I don't know. First thing is we shared a bed when we were in the UK together when we started in Spider and Plead. We were doing this. And Jack had a wet dream next to me. I'm still like – like it still haunts me to think what the fuck you were dreaming about. That haunts me as well. What the hell? Did you wake up in the morning? Was it daylight or was it in the middle of the night?
Oh, dude,
that's
fucking – I don't even know if I want the details,
but
let's do it. I don't remember if I even told you. I wouldn't have told you until like six months later because it's so – dude, that is so weird. I'm a fucking
adult. And I'm not joking. It wasn't a
queen. It was a double bed. They don't – This thing had a bow in the middle too. It was like a half pipe. Honestly, we're in this house. This house was 190 years old. At least. It was a weird shared house. It was like this big
house where everyone
was renting rooms. It was like a
really
weird setup. There's a sus vibe in there. And we shared like this grandma room. This is in New King Cornwall in the UK. And I don't know what happened. Maybe I was so scared about not having a wedding.
Why are you looking at me like that? I don't know. I'm just like, yuck.
I don't know. I think I was just so on edge and just so uptight about it. Anyway, I just woke up and I was like, fuck, shit's wet down
there. Waking up after a wet dream is like really confronting. You've got to like go clean it up and it's just not, you're like, oh, it's rank. Anyway, that's one. That was really weird. That's just scratching
the surface of what this man
would do in a bed next to you. So I've been many, many times in like hotel rooms or whatever and Jack will be sick and he'll just blow his nose on his sheets. I mean, I'm sharing a bedroom. Yes, you do. Shut up. He would go like this. Blow his whole nose, snot everywhere, in the sheets, and then just keep sleeping. It's the filthiest thing I've ever seen. Yes, you do. You cannot say you don't, because you know you do. I
have done it, but it's not a common
thing.
How did Jack and Billy’s early bed‑sharing experiences turn into a strange misunderstanding?
Oh my God. Once or twice a week. I think I was sick. Once or twice a week is common, and you do it. I would
never do it. That nose is always running, that thing. It's
like a tap.
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Chapters
4 chapters
1
What weird airport security fantasy does Jack reveal at the start?
0:00–3:53
2
How did Jack and Billy’s early bed‑sharing experiences turn into a strange misunderstanding?
3:53–14:08
3
What is the “false accusation” about Jack’s nighttime habits and how is it resolved?
14:08–35:14
4
How did the hosts attempt the impossible fake ad read for Falcon?
35:14–36:13