565. Unlocking the Hidden Power Of Body Language | Vanessa Van Edwards
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What is Vanessa Van Edwards’ background and why is she considered a “recovering awkward person”?
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Why don't you study for people like you study for chemistry? Why don't you study conversation and body language just like you study for subjects?
Vanessa Van Edwards is a behavioral researcher, a bestselling author, an instructor at Harvard University, and a self-described recovering awkward person.
I know I'm a recovering awkward person. I am the person that I try to help. Soft skills can be learned, even if they don't come naturally to you. The amount of a pause, how long should a pause be, how many pumps and a handshake. You're an expert in nonverbal
communication, so size me up.
So
Vanessa Van Edwards is a behavioral researcher, a best-selling author, an instructor at Harvard University, and a self-described recovering awkward person. She's the author of Q's Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication. And her YouTube videos on body language and social skills have received more than 70 million views. We spoke to her today about decoding body language, overcoming awkwardness, and putting your best foot forward. So Vanessa, tell me about my... posture and seating in this to begin. You're an expert in nonverbal communication, so
size me up. Well, first of all, I love that we're angled towards each other. I have a little bit of a pet peeve when people are angled half away. You know, have you ever seen that where they have the setup where they're angled away? The brain loves when we're on parallel lines, so I love that even through a camera. Also, a distance that most people don't think about is the distance between our ears and our shoulders. It's my favorite distance. The reason for that is because when we're anxious, when we're afraid, we tend to take up as little space as possible. You'll see people will turtle where they sink their head down and they tend to creep their shoulder. Exactly. They tend to creep their shoulders up.
How do posture, shoulder angle, and personal space affect first‑impression anxiety?
It's a cue that we don't think about. In fact, we often do it in first impressions. We say, hey, nice to see you.
Right, right. Compressed like that, eh? Yeah, you see people standing up sometimes when they do that. And they use that uplift?
Is that what it's called? Uptalk. Uptalk? Yeah, uptalk. There's this trifecta of... I would say awkwardness that can happen in a first impression and they all are related to each other. First, we're a little nervous in that first impression. And so we take up as little space as possible. We turtle down, we shrink up. That immediately shortens my vocal power, right? It has less oxygen. I have more tension in my neck. I also tend to clench my jaw, which then creates a little bit less volume, which then makes me sound nervous. And then I use, as you said, uptalk. So, good morning. I'm so happy to be here. And what the brain does when it hears an accidental question inflection, it's called a question inflection.
So my name is Vanessa. I'm here to talk about body language. When you hear me accidentally use a question inflection, your brain goes from listening to scrutinizing.
Okay.
The reason for this is because liars often accidentally use the question inflection because they're asking, do you believe this? So if I say to my daughter, you know, did you take the cookie from the cookie jar? And she goes, no.
Right, right.
That movement, it subconsciously, even if you're not lying, it triggers the part of our brain that goes, uh-oh, something's off here. And we don't like to hear people who are questioning themselves because we don't want to feel that we're questioning. And so I think that that trifecta in that first impression, you did it beautifully, maximizing this distance. That's the most important one. Second, I can see space between your torso and your arm right now.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is Vanessa Van Edwards’ background and why is she considered a “recovering awkward person”?
0:00–2:32
2
How do posture, shoulder angle, and personal space affect first‑impression anxiety?
2:32–5:11
3
What is “uptalk” and how does it signal submissiveness or confidence in interviews?
5:11–11:24
4
How can mirroring (non‑verbal, vocal, and verbal) be used to build rapport and trust?
11:24–18:15
5
Why are warmth and competence the two pillars of persuasive communication?
18:15–25:23
6
What non‑verbal bridges (handshake, leaning, gestures) help move a conversation from strangers to allies?
25:23–36:48
7
What practical tips does Vanessa give for greetings, handshakes, and avoiding the “ick” factor?
36:48–42:12
8
What final advice does Vanessa offer to high‑achieving but socially awkward people?
42:12–1:35:50