Chapter 1: What is the context behind the roast between Pete and Cooper?
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Two staff members. Well, we'd have to describe them as warring staff members. The lovable, likeable larrikin and everyone's favourite ex-footy star, Cooper Johns, versus the serial pest that has become intern Pete. Australia's favourite. Good morning. Yes. Well, you know, you are my Aunty Jill's favourite. Yeah. Good morning, Aunty Jill. She's fantastic.
Aunty Jill, she's forever texting me, leave Peter alone. Oh, God, Peter. Oh, he's... He's so adorable. So great. But Aunty Jill was the one in the family that dragged in all the strays to sort them out.
Yeah, she loves a stray.
She was the stray sorter.
She does love an underdog. Well, so you guys will be doing a little boxing match coming up soon, which we'll get to. But before that, let's start with a roast.
Isn't the boxing match and sledging, like verbal and physical sledging? Yeah. But that's not today. Today's just the verbal.
Yeah.
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Chapter 2: How do Pete and Cooper describe their upcoming boxing match?
Come on in, everyone.
Hey, guys, come and join the program. Come on in. Come on, Mel from Finance. Everyone.
Everyone in a hurry. Don't door to door. Oh, I hate that.
We ask them to come in and they all just mosey in like snails. You guys know how a roast works. When I say something crazy, you go, ooh.
If he says something funny. By the way, four people came in. Thanks, everyone.
Where's everyone else? No, don't put it on, guys. Just either react normally. Don't put it on like Pete wants you to.
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Chapter 3: What are the rules of engagement for the roast?
Oh, sorry. It's not a pantomime. Okay, Peter, whenever you're ready.
Hang on, sorry. Is there a timer or something? I've got about eight or nine points, really, to be fair.
Okay, we won't do time. How many points per page have you got there?
I've only got one page on my new clipboard folder for roasting page.
Okay. You're an over-explainer, which is annoying. Okay. One page is all I needed to hear. Okay. Okay, here we go. And Pete's going to roast Cooper. Okay.
Cooper Johns, you stupid, disgusting... Oh, hang on. Oh, my God, Peter.
Peter, that... Lucky we had the censor outside. It's not even a clever insult.
It's not even clever, Peter.
I got a smile out of it.
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Chapter 4: What are some of the funniest roasts exchanged during the episode?
Sorry. Cooper's father, Matty Johns. No doubt Matty looks at his sporting trophies cabinet and he thinks, hmm, I was really good, I did a good job. But then he looks at Cooper's and thinks, ah, stuff it, I should have just got a dog. All righty.
These aren't landing.
No, they're not landing at all, are they?
Give him some encouragement, guys.
Come on, Peter.
Peter, bring it home.
Bring it home, make us laugh. It must be tough being the Johns family disappointment. His dad's a TV star, his uncle's immortal, and Cooper's claim to fame is he once successfully logged onto a studio computer to write some sports stories. I don't think he's ever done that.
He rides it with a pyro. He's got his kilometrico out.
It was such a good set up. I want to get the ink because I write too much sometimes. Thanks, schoolteacher Louisa. Let's remind Australia about the Johns family. The beautiful Trish Johns, an amazing woman. The incredible and talented, gorgeous Jack Johns, the brother. Matty John, raised champions in the NRL. And Andrew Johns, he became an immortal. And then there's Cooper Johns.
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Chapter 5: How does Cooper react to Pete's roast performance?
I think both works. Brutal.
Brutal. And they got some genuine laughs as well.
But the one thing you and a hobo have in common is you must use the same cologne. Between the stench of urine, breath of a dog's anus, and your inability to control your saliva when you speak, you're the kind of bloke who even Jeffrey Dahmer wouldn't wrap his lips around.
I'm right here.
You're all right. But let's talk about something Pete is actually good at, cooking, because you are a qualified chef specialising in the dish Mongolian lamb, which is ironic given he often has Mongolian man on his breath.
Similar.
Kyle, your face is so red from laughing. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I've gone the colour of Barnaby. Do it.
So let's raise our glasses to intern Pete, a man who's 90% veneers, 10% dyslexic, and 100% the reason our ratings in Melbourne are low.
Well done, Cooper. Nice, Coops. Nice.
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Chapter 6: What humorous insights do they share about the Johns family?
Now, immediately you think Cooper would flog the snot out of this kid, right?
Yeah, I actually think he still will, though.
But Pete's from the bush. You've got to remember, Pete's from the bush. Pete's been beaten thousands of times by rural types.
I think Pete can get scrappy. I feel the anger that's brewing when it comes to Cooper could all come out in the ring and that would be your saving grace.
Yep. But I don't know. Mind over matter for me, I would say.
Yeah. Yeah. You definitely have a strong mind when you put your mind to something. Yeah. You can do it. Obviously not to this roast. You didn't put that to the plate.
There's no need to. Today's not the example you're writing.
All right, guys. You can go now.
Thank you for having me on the program.
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