Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
We're here because your heightened awareness deserves heightened entertainment The Last Show with David Cooper When our upcoming guest's father died, the number 23 started following her around. It was on receipts, clocks, even hiking trails. So she leaned in and planned 23 dates with her past father. So we're going to talk about what grief can do to you and how you can get through loss.
I am here with author and a mental health and disability researcher at the University of British Columbia named Dr. Corey McAuliffe. Corey, welcome to the show.
Thanks so much for having me.
This 23 thing is so intriguing to me. Your father passes and you start seeing this number everywhere.
Chapter 2: What led Dr. Corey McAuliffe to create 23 dates with her deceased father?
What do you think is happening at this point?
I'm super confused at first. And I thought I was making it all up because why? And the number 23 with my dad didn't mean anything. So it wasn't like, oh, my dad loved the number 23 and it starts showing up. But I start telling people about it and the amount I see it. So people will say, oh, it's like the new car effect. Like you want to buy said car, you start to see it everywhere.
And I was like, sure, multiply that by 23. And that's how much I'm seeing this number. It's everywhere.
So sort of like a confirmation bias, like you might subtly be looking for the number and then you find it more, but you think it's happening even more than that.
It felt like that, yes.
So I'm a skeptical person, but I also am so interested in those who kind of believe in things that are greater than us. At what point do you think, okay, this is not just a coincidence, this feels like it might be contact with a lost loved one?
Yeah, it was the day that I was, I was going through my email around lunchtime and these three incredible emails come through. I've won award. I've won money. I've been elected to this like committee. And I was like, whoa, this is so cool. And I call my mom. I tell her I'm so excited. And she goes, you know what today is, right? And I was like, oh, somebody's birthday. Like, what did I miss?
What's today? And she's like, it's the 23rd.
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Chapter 3: How does seeing the number 23 relate to grief and loss?
And I was like, come on, like, there's no way. And so it felt like in a way that this had been building up to say, pay attention, like something's coming. And that was the moment that things really tipped over. And I started realizing, okay, start paying attention to what's going on and how this is working.
And how do we link all this to like grieving for a lost loved one? Like, tell me a bit about your dad. Why do you think you made this connection?
Yeah, I think, you know, there's so many different ways that spirit shows up for all of us. So for some of my other family members who have passed, they show up as birds or there's different signs that they've kind of come through. And I hear that from so many other people.
My mom firmly believes that a bird in her backyard is her father. You know, this happens a lot.
There you go. It happens everywhere. And so it's something that, you know, even if we're meaning making and trying to make sense of what has happened with this relationship, for me, it's a way to continue the relationship. It's I call it my new calling card. I used to call my dad at least every week.
to check in and have this conversation with him and now it feels like sometimes it's his way to be like you haven't called me in a bit or hey how's it going or just a little nod of the head and so it also is a way for to guide me around in the world and to get to try different things and to see what our relationship would look like after he's passed so it's a really big component of not
saying that just because someone's died, it's over and done. And they're gone. We say that a lot. I lost them. They're gone. And to me, it was more like I kind of misplaced something. And I was trying to figure out how to like turn that volume back on and figure out how to reconnect.
Talk to me a little bit about grief's kind of weird timeline. I've observed this in my own life, that it doesn't all happen at the funeral the week after. It can come and go. There's an ebb and flow to it. Many years later, it can hit you like a ton of bricks. Is that something that you've found?
Yeah, absolutely. I often say in my book how it felt like a roller coaster. Like you're exactly right. Kind of that sometimes you're gliding along or you're kind of going up the hill and it's like, yeah, I'm chugging. And then all of a sudden, whoosh, it's just hits you. And so that I think. if people are interested in looking at the book is how the 23 dates play out as well.
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Chapter 4: What experiences did Dr. McAuliffe have that made her question the significance of the number 23?
He did eventually kind of show up where I was like, oh, there you are. The second day we went to Broadway, we went to The Lion King, where a friend laughed at me and was like, you know that The Lion King is about Simba, whose dad died, who then guides him from above. And I was like, oh, huh, interesting. No, I did not put that together.
It's a weird coincidence. I like it.
Yeah. And then my favorite part was she said, oh, did your dad like Broadway? And I was like, no, he hated Broadway. Like he would have never gone in person, but he's dead now. So like I get to choose. But yeah, there were dinners, coffee dates. There's been road trips.
The date number 23 lands me in Ireland where I do an ancestral healing journey to kind of learn more about our family and those experiences as well.
What can a journey to kind of an ancestral homeland or whatever, what can it teach you about yourself for your dad?
Yeah, for me, I think what was really sad or hard is that the New York census fire back in the, I think it was the 1890s, burned kind of our lineage and history. And so I don't have a direct knowledge of who came over. I know once they came to the United States, kind of who they were, but... So what I did on that trip was I checked in with Spirit and I said, hey, like, what do I need to know?
You show me. And so for three weeks, besides the first two lodgings I had, I had nothing planned. I took three weeks and let Spirit guide me. The number 23 guide me and the places, the people, the experiences I had were some of the most incredible journeys of my entire life.
Given your journey with grief, your openness in writing about it, talking about it here with me today, what would you tell a listener who's hurting right now? Maybe they lost a parent or someone close to them. What's one small thing they can do to stay connected with the person they've lost, a journey that you've been on?
Yeah, so I did a workshop a little bit ago on how to date your dead people. And it can be as simple as just calling them in, like inviting that connection. It can be really simple and easy. It can be grandiose and big, but validate it. I think the biggest thing people say to me is like, well, I think it's happening, but then I think I'm just making it all up. So
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