Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
We're here because your heightened awareness deserves heightened entertainment. The Last Show with David Cooper. Making friends as a kid was easy. You shared a swing, a snack, maybe an imaginary game, and suddenly you've got a best friend. So why does making friends as an adult sometimes feel, I don't know, impossible? Let's talk about loneliness.
But from the angle of making new friends, I am here with Gary Dierenfeld. It is Wednesday, so it's Therapy Thursdays on a Wednesday. I was about to say Thursday and get the day wrong. You almost blew it back. Gary's a social worker and a therapist and he's retired and I love him to death.
Chapter 2: Why is making friends as an adult often perceived as difficult?
And welcome to the show, Gary.
Great to be with you again, David.
You are such a naturally friendly person that I almost feel like you're not going to be able to give good advice for people who aren't as friendly as you. Because you just naturally make friends wherever you go. But I'm comforted by the fact that as a social worker, when you see patients or clients or what do you call people that do see you?
Yeah, people. I call them people.
My colleagues tend to call them clients. All right. I guess that tracks. When people see you who are lonely and interested in friend making, maybe they've moved to a new city. Maybe they've gone through a divorce and their friend group is fractured. Or maybe they're just, for whatever reason, adults with not that many friends. Right. Like, what advice do you give?
What is the standard advice, especially things that that people have heard and they're not going to do, you know, because I sometimes hear advice. I'm like, yeah, I'm not going to do that, you know, even though it's good advice.
Yeah, we've all had that great advice that there's no way we're going to follow. No way we're going to follow through with. Anyways.
People tell me pickleball. I'm like, I'm not doing that. I am not doing that.
Listen, I've got the racket. I've got the wiffle ball. And I think I've been twice.
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Chapter 3: What advice does Gary Direnfeld give to lonely adults seeking friendships?
She was a delight. She was 100 years young. She was solid up until two months before her demise. Anyways, everywhere she went, she made friends.
And I literally mean her podiatrist for her 100th birthday said- Go to a foot doctor? Is that your advice for making friends? Go to a foot doctor.
He so loved her that for her 100th birthday, he said, every visit from now on for you is free. I don't care how long you live. It speaks to the nature of their relationship. Her dentist loved her.
When my stepdad was infirmed and in care at Sunnybrook, got excellent care there, by the way, in the veterans wing, my mom made friends with his nurses who, till the day she passed, they still visited her. And my mother's probably 50 years older than these persons. Everywhere she went.
Okay, you get the picture. No, but I'm hearing that. But I think to a person that feels like they struggle making friends, they just hear that story and they're like, well, this woman had a lot of charisma, which not everyone feels like they have.
There are behaviors that are involved. And you can copy the behaviors. Okay, what are they? Yeah. Well, one of them is being authentic about yourself, yet not being miserable if that's your authentic self. Okay, well, you're giving me bad advice because I'm miserable, but go on. I know, I'm contradicting myself. Go figure. She would always find something nice about that other person.
To share back with them. She was, in a sense, complimentary, but she's never blowing smoke up someone's derriere.
Okay, so seeing the best in people and reflecting it back to them. Being gracious. Gracious, okay.
Being a good listener. What are we talking about? Being concerned for the other. She would bring, you know, if she knew somebody liked something, she'd bring a little gift.
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Chapter 4: How can one emulate role models to improve their social skills?
You concern yourself with what's going on in the life of the other. You are authentic about your own. You don't need to disclose your whole life all at once.
A 67-year-old grandfather fails to show up for a meeting with his son at a local tire shop, sparking a desperate search. And he wouldn't be the only victim. I'm Global News crime reporter Nancy Hixt. You might listen to a lot of true crime podcasts this year, but they're not crime beat. Season 8 drops April 21st. But you can hear the first story now, one month early, only on Amazon Music.
Now, let me ask you something slightly uncomfortable. When was the last time you made a brand new friend? Not a coworker, not an acquaintance, but a new friend. Tonight, we're talking about loneliness and friendship here with Gary Dierenfeld. It's Therapy Thursdays on a Wednesday. Gary, you really look like you want to say something.
Well, you know, I think I actually made a new friend last night. Gary after dark. Arlene and I went out for an ice cream. We went to Jackson's Point, not far from where we live. There's EM Ice Cream. And the owner was so lovely. So we just start chatting. I take a picture to post to Facebook because I want to promote his business. In walks this other guy, also chatting.
And we're talking about, Jackson's Point is a very old community, very old town. The guy who's running the ice cream shop, he bought some storefronts, fixed them up beautifully. And so we were going over the history and I've been going there since I was born in 1956. So I am part of the living history. And we had such a great discussion. Nice guys.
I have no doubt that within a half year, we're going to be friends. It just went that way.
Let's use this example to continue our conversation about rejection, because for some people, I feel like you put yourself out there a lot. You're like, hey, do you want to hang out? You take the risk. Maybe it doesn't work out and you move on.
For some people, that risk of an acquaintance turning into a friend, of a coworker asking them for a drink, whatever it is, that rejection fear is just a lot.
Yes. So before the break, you said this kind of what if catastrophic scenario. And I said, well, then you're screwed. And I mean that sincerely, as silly as that sounds. Look, no risk, no reward. We've heard that line so many times before. One of the things that I do ask persons who see me, people who see me,
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Chapter 5: What behaviors can help someone make friends more easily?
What are you doing? Well, Gary, you have made my Wednesday on Therapy Thursdays on a Wednesday a little less lonely. I appreciate you coming on the program. Thanks so much for your time, my friend. Always lovely, David. Thanks. Of course. This has been so nice. Gary, what a guy. Gary Dierenfeld is his name.
Welcome to Survivor 50. Wednesdays on Global. We chose you to represent 25 years of the greatest adventure on television. And all we want is everything. This is the Survivor Coliseum. It's do or die. Light your torch and be a part of history. Survivor. All new Wednesdays at 8 Eastern on Global. Stream on Stack TV.