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The Last Show with David Cooper

Pain During Sex and Speaking Up

20 Mar 2026

Transcription

Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.

Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

4.503 - 37.304 David Cooper

Please be advised that the following program contains audio content that may be graphic and potentially triggering for some listeners. This content may include descriptions or sounds that some may find disturbing. Listener discretion is strongly advised. This is The Last Show with David Cooper. Pain in the bedroom happening during what should be otherwise a pleasurable experience.

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37.384 - 54.472 David Cooper

Turns out it's pretty common and men are less likely to speak up about it and say something than women. I'm here with two researchers who are in psychology who have done a study on this. They are both Terry Fisher and Mary Bullard from the University of the South in Tennessee. Terry, welcome to the program.

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54.512 - 55.354 Terri Fisher

Thank you.

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55.374 - 56.876 David Cooper

And Mary, welcome to you as well.

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56.896 - 57.257 Terri Fisher

Thank you.

57.98 - 73.272 David Cooper

So when we think about pain during sex, I tend to imagine something pretty clinical, something pretty rare, something most people don't talk about. Your study suggests that it's almost normal. Where did we go wrong when it comes to educating people about this phenomenon?

73.842 - 94.011 Terri Fisher

Yeah. So I think that that's part of what our study aimed to kind of contribute to science is the fact that pain during sex and sort of like a non-medical setting is more common than a lot of people think, but it's not necessarily normal. And so that's what we were hoping to start a conversation about.

95.138 - 108.642 David Cooper

So let's dive in. Let's start the conversation. In what ways does pain show up? Is it just like hurting in my private region? What are some of the pains that people might describe who actually experience this?

109.128 - 127.407 Mary Bullard

We didn't get real specific in asking people about the nature of the pain, but rather had it ever happened or not. This was more of an exploratory study. There's been a lot of research on pain during sexuality, but typically with clinical samples,

Chapter 2: What are the common experiences of pain during sex?

170.301 - 173.745 David Cooper

What might be the reason for this kind of like silent suffering?

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174.687 - 195.532 Terri Fisher

Yeah, there's a lot of different reasons that we found and we broke them down into several different themes. And it was everything from, you know, like maybe desire to please a partner. They don't want to speak up and like ruin the moment by saying that they're in pain. Maybe they feel some sort of like pressure, obligation to finish the sexual activity.

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Chapter 3: Why are men less likely to speak up about sexual pain?

195.552 - 202.18 Terri Fisher

Or maybe the pain is normalized for them and they don't think that it's something that needs to be brought up.

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203.56 - 217.864 David Cooper

Latching up to this whole idea of ruining the moment, there's something theatrical about that for me. Like, I wouldn't want to speak up about my discomfort to ruin the scene or ruin the pleasure for somebody. It sounds almost performative or something like that, doesn't it?

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218.746 - 221.41 Terri Fisher

Oh, yeah, it definitely does a little bit, which is interesting.

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222.051 - 222.953 David Cooper

Did you want to follow up, Terri?

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223.439 - 248.228 Mary Bullard

There are quite a few participants who were concerned about their partner's reaction, but they were also concerned about how it might make them feel that they were not good sexual partners or they were not real women or that sort of concern. And with regard to the men feeling the pain and not speaking up, a lot of them were concerned it would make them seem like less of a man.

248.608 - 252.012 Mary Bullard

So gender roles were definitely playing a role.

252.312 - 268.127 David Cooper

That's such an interesting one, like traditional gender roles, someone feeling like they just need to power through or something like that. I'm a bit disappointed to hear that, but it totally makes sense. Are women more likely to speak up during moments of discomfort when things should otherwise be going well?

268.377 - 285.036 Mary Bullard

Definitely. Yeah. So women are twice as likely to tell their partners about pain as men are. And they're four times as likely during penile vaginal intercourse to stop the proceedings and try to change something.

286.197 - 305.218 David Cooper

We could learn something from that. I feel like you should be communicating with your partners about what is pleasurable and what's painful. It's kind of disappointing that people aren't, at least to me. Are there those that feel like this is just a part of sex, something they should just have to endure? And if so, that seems like a pretty, I don't know, dangerous belief to me.

Chapter 4: What did the study reveal about pain during sex?

359.92 - 382.708 Terri Fisher

And she broke it down and she did this Twitter poll where she asked women about their bad sexual experiences and then asked men about their bad experiences. And for the most part, for women, it was considered bad if they were in pain, whereas for the men, it was bad if maybe they didn't have an orgasm from the sex. And so very different feedback.

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383.498 - 402.435 David Cooper

Hearing all this and the reasons people give for why they endure it, it sounds to me less like sexual pain is about our bodies, although it is. And it's kind of like a psychology thing. It's the reasons why people don't speak up. I guess it would follow you're both psychology researchers. But yeah, is this more in like the psychological realm than it is in, let's say, the anatomy realm?

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403.293 - 415.638 Mary Bullard

No, I don't think that's necessarily the case. I think there are lots of physical reasons that somebody might experience pain, but the not speaking up is psychological for sure.

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416.4 - 423.394 David Cooper

Got it. And in your study, did you focus on mostly college students? Do you think all age groups would experience this as well?

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424.42 - 443.226 Terri Fisher

So, yes, our study focused on a sample of about 263 college students. They're all undergraduate level and they're taking the study as part of their research credit. But it definitely would be interesting to expand it to a wider population to see what the differences might be across different age groups.

443.807 - 468.417 Mary Bullard

We recognize the limitations of our sample. But we knew that we weren't going to be getting bots in our sample. We also knew that our students were more likely to take the study seriously and give us complete answers because a lot of our questions were open-ended where they had to write. But we intend in the future to expand it to a larger population.

468.565 - 486.574 David Cooper

Well, knowing what you know now about pain and people not speaking up, would you design sex education for younger folks differently, for college age students differently? What would you want people to know who don't necessarily have an amazing sexual education background? What would you want them to know? Maybe one brutally honest thing or something?

487.364 - 508.09 Mary Bullard

I think it would be important for people to know that pain can happen during sex, that it's almost to be expected from time to time, and that communication is the very best way of dealing with that because there are lots of adjustments that can be made. But if your partner doesn't know that you're in pain, then nothing's going to change.

508.255 - 509.677 Terri Fisher

Absolutely. I second that.

Chapter 5: What are the different types of pain experienced during sex?

509.717 - 522.098 Terri Fisher

And I also think it's important to highlight that talking about sex doesn't have to be sexual necessarily. And it's not some taboo thing. And, you know, communication is important.

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523.18 - 539.3 David Cooper

Yeah. And it's not going to ruin the moment. And if it does ruin the moment, maybe talk about it afterwards so it doesn't happen again next time. Right. Absolutely. Well, Terry Fisher and Mary Bullard are both psychology researchers at the University of the South in Tennessee. Terry, Mary, I've enjoyed this chat. Thanks for sharing your research with me.

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539.621 - 541.723 Terri Fisher

Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

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544.386 - 547.65 Unknown

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548.911 - 551.514 David Cooper

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551.574 - 553.096 Unknown

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553.236 - 559.423 David Cooper

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561.867 - 563.191 Unknown

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563.612 - 564.594 David Cooper

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