Romantic Indifference: The Relationship Disintegrator
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What is romantic indifference and why is it a concern?
The missing link between scientific journals and relationship counseling. The Last Show with David Cooper. I'm sure you've heard of love. I'm sure you've heard of hate. But what about something far more sneaky, something more dangerous, romantic indifference? When the spark between you and your partner disappears, if you get bored, if you withdraw, what happens to intimacy? And what of that wandering eye? Well, I am here with someone who's done research on romantic indifference. Her name is Myrna Jurich, and she's a social psychology researcher at the Free University Amsterdam. Myrna, welcome to the program.
Hi, thank you so much for having me.
You know, when people talk about troubled relationships, we usually talk about the big emotions like fighting, jealousy, heartbreak, cheating. But I like that you looked at something maybe a little more sinister, indifference. What does indifference look like in a relationship day to day?
Yeah, totally. This was indeed the starting point of the project. It's also reflected in the scientific literature as well that we tend to kind of study really these strong emotional experiences in relationships. So, you know, we tend to think about, okay, what happens when people have positive feelings towards their partners? What happens when they have negative feelings towards their partners? Maybe they have simultaneously positive and negative feelings. But what has really been under-researched is indeed what if you don't have any kind of strong emotional experiences at all, which is indeed indifference. So the way that I would say it kind of looks in relationships is indeed not having a strong emotional reaction to your partner either way.
So neither a positive one or a negative one. Feeling kind of emotionally numb towards your partner is like another word I would use.
How does romantic indifference affect intimacy in relationships?
Or indeed just kind of feeling neutral basically towards this person. They don't really make you feel that much.
So what would be an interaction that would really highlight indifference in a relationship?
Yeah, I mean, honestly, kind of how it looks in the day to day is really something that we need to study more. And, you know, the studies that we've done so far has really only scratched the surface. So the way we've studied it up to now has been more kind of in terms of longer term relationship processes. So when, you know, people kind of feel it. in their relationship over kind of longer periods of time basically and report on it. But what it looks like in a day-to-day kind of interaction is something that I'm honestly also fascinated by and something that we really need to do more research to kind of understand. What's possible is that, you know, some people are maybe even on a day-to-day not really showing or kind of
engaging in positive or negative behaviors towards their partner they're just kind of withdrawn and distant and that could be for example a situation which you know people just don't have a strong emotional reaction just kind of checked out not curious not talking much not feeling much at all just kind of shell of a relationship yeah in what ways could that be more dangerous than let's say flat-out conflict I mean, I think, you know, so far in the literature, it's just something that hasn't really been looked at that much. It hasn't received that much attention. And I wonder if it's also something that similarly translates into how we deal with it in everyday life. You know, something that we may be
are not aware, you know, could be something really risky in relationships and something that down the line could lead to really negative consequences. So it might kind of almost fly under the radar as, you know, something potentially alarming. You know, people might just not pick up on it in that way, not consider it, you know, as risky.
So let's talk about some of your studies and the stuff that you've uncovered while looking at this. Boredom, lower intimacy, attention to other people, like a wandering eye. Are these pieces of the puzzle?
Exactly. So indeed, what we're finding in these studies and kind of the picture that we see we're seeing of people who feel indifferent in their relationships is that this is an experience that is really linked to feeling unstimulated in the relationship.
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