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Chapter 1: What is joint savoring and why is it important for couples?
The Last Show with David Cooper, where we utilize nonlinear reverse inverse backward thinking protocols. It sounds like this.
You're stressed, your romantic partner's stressed, even your dog's stressed. But what if the secret to surviving that stress as a couple isn't therapy, it isn't a vacation, or better conflict resolution skills, but instead, the science says it's deliberately reliving, discussing your best moments together. Could it be that simple?
I'm here with Noah Larson, a human development and family studies researcher at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, who has researched this. Noah, welcome to the show. Thanks for having me. First off, we got to define some terminology here, joint savoring. What is it exactly? Is it just like going through photos with my beloved or is it something deeper?
Yeah, so joint savoring, it really has two different parts to it that we think about. So first of all, I would say savoring in general kind of means really slowing down to focus on and enhance positive experiences. And if we think about joint savoring specifically, it involves that savoring process with a romantic partner. So one part of that is kind of interacting in some way with your partner.
Chapter 2: How does joint savoring enhance relationship quality?
And so an example might be you're going on a nice walk together and you comment on how nice it is to spend time together. Another part of that joint savoring is focusing on experiences from your relationship. So one example would be maybe you're with your partner and you're looking through an old photo album or some pictures from your relationship together.
So we can say joint savoring kind of involves those two parts. So having some kind of shared experience and then focusing on kind of memories or positive events from your relationship.
I love that word savoring. It does sound delicious. Side note, when couples do it together, what are they doing differently than if they just kind of sat in the room and went through photos by themselves? What actually is going on when we savor with our significant other?
Yeah, so there's some differences when we're, you know, savoring together with our partner. You know, one part of that is that, you know, we are focusing on experiences from our relationship. And so not only are we really kind of enhancing the positive experiences from our life, but we're really focusing on that attachment relationship with our partner.
And finding ways to kind of solidify those positive experiences with our partner.
Now, couples who savor together, do they argue less? Do they report higher relationship satisfaction?
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Chapter 3: What activities can couples do to practice joint savoring?
What is the benefit that you saw?
Yeah. So we do find that, you know, in our research that these savoring processes, they do benefit couples relationship quality. And so we looked at a few different areas, the couple's conflict, their kind of sense of confidence and having a future together, and then their satisfaction with their relationship.
And what we found was that the couples who savored more kind of experienced more benefits in all three areas. So overall, kind of as the more that these couples are doing the savoring, the better the relationships are as a whole.
I'm curious about this stress angle. I talked about it when I introduced the topic. Why does savoring together mean less stress for couples that are under pressure?
Yeah, so we did find that not only does savoring have these direct benefits for couples' relationship, but when couples are feeling more stressed, savoring can kind of have this protective buffering effect from that stress.
And so one kind of reason why this might be is that by savoring, the couple's able to really direct their attention, at least temporarily, away from those stressors and towards the positive experiences from their relationship. So there's more focus on
kind of those positive events but then also more kind of focused on the strength of their relationship and their ability as a couple to withstand those stressors let's have a little fun with this what are some activities that a couple can do that would qualify as joint savoring certainly going through old photographs would be the first one that comes to my mind are there any others that you can think of or any particularly fun or interesting ones
Yeah, so there's many different activities that a couple could do together to savor. These could be activities that focused on events from the past, like reminiscing about maybe a shared trip or a vacation together.
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Chapter 4: How does joint savoring help reduce stress in relationships?
It could be events in the present, so maybe kind of going on a nice walk together, watching a sunset. It could also be focused on future events. So maybe it's, you know, kind of talking about an upcoming, you know, graduation or vacation or something that you as a couple can look forward to.
So really kind of spending some time to just kind of talk about those positive events, whether they're past, present or future.
Now, did anything in the data surprise you? Like, especially the stress thing, I'm surprised that it lowers stress.
Yeah, so, you know, there were some interesting findings. I think one was that savoring not only benefits couples' relationships, but it even has benefits for their individual health and wellbeing. So we found that when couples savored more, they reported having better quality of life, And savoring also protected couples' stress against mental health difficulties.
So I think that's one interesting thing is that this joint savoring process, it can even benefit couples' mental health and protect their mental health from stress.
I suppose it's not altogether different from gratitude journaling. Have you looked into that? This seems like a couple's version of that.
Yeah, so there's definitely some similarities between savoring and gratitude.
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Chapter 5: What surprising findings emerged from the research on savoring?
And both of these are kind of considered relationship maintenance processes or tools in the research. So they're both kind of two different activities that, you know, an individual or a couple could do together to try to enhance their relationship. Um, so gratitude is something that we've looked at a little bit. Um, and you know, that can kind of be incorporated in the savoring process as well.
Um, kind of, you know, as a couple talking about, um, you know, things your partner did for you that you're thankful for, um, and expressing that gratitude. Um, but you could also kind of savor events, um, that might not necessarily involve, um, gratitude. Yeah.
Could this all ever backfire? Like if one partner wants to reminisce, to savor, to do the activity and the other, they're curmudgeon, just saying that word, that's basically me, who says to the partner, oh, I don't want to do it tonight, honey. Can there be conflict around the desire to savor potentially?
Yeah, so maybe there's times where one person in the couple wants to savor or is savoring and the other partner is not. That's not something we've had the chance to look into yet, but something we're hoping to in the future, kind of looking at these discrepancies between partners. But certainly we'd expect that it would be more beneficial if both partners were savoring.
There has been some research in the past when researchers were looking into savoring just as this kind of personal and individual process that even savoring by yourself tends to have benefits for your relationship. So there is still benefit even if your partner is not interested in savoring and still doing that yourself.
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Chapter 6: Can joint savoring backfire in relationships?
All right, if you could prescribe one joint savoring exercise to anyone listening in a couple, pretend you're Dr. Savoring, what would it be so that someone listening to this could get the potential benefit from it?
Yeah. So I think, you know, I think there's, you know, multiple things couples could do. But I think really kind of establishing at least one time a week to sit down with your partner and, you know, be free of distractions. And just, you know, each person, you know, maybe naming one thing from your week, from your relationship that you enjoyed together.
One thing you're enjoying together in the present. And then one thing you're looking forward to as a couple.
Noah Larson is a human development and family studies researcher at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. Noah, thank you for joining me. I appreciate you coming on the show. Thanks for having me.
My name is Mickey Fox. Friday, February 27th on Global. I'm Sheriff of Edgewater. For her, keeping the peace.
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Chapter 7: What practical joint savoring exercise can couples try?
Cartel's moving in. Means every investigation. People are getting threats. It's close to home. At the end of the day, I'm responsible for this town. Secrets, loyalties, and small town justice collide in the new hit drama. I'm a damn good sheriff. Sheriff Country returns Friday, February 27th on Global. Stream on Stack TV.