Why Patience Can Be Transformative

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The Last Show with David Cooper 10 min 3 speakers 5 chapters transcribed
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

David Cooper 0:03
The show that asks the questions other shows are afraid to ask. The Last Show with David Cooper. Patience is a virtue. A lot of people say that. But what does it even mean? Well, we'll get to that. But could patience be the key to unlocking a calmer mind, a stronger body, maybe even a better version of yourself, the ability to wait well? It isn't a weakness. It's a strategy. And I think it takes courage, maybe some emotional training. Let's talk all things patience here with psychology professor at Baylor University, Dr. Sarah Schnitker. Sarah, welcome in.

What does patience really mean and why is it important?

Dr. Sarah Schnitker 0:37
Thanks for having me, David. It's great to be here.
David Cooper 0:39
Thank you for patiently waiting through the commercial break. Look, most people treat patience like something simple, like, oh, just waiting nicely. Is it a skill? Is it something we have to work on? Do we have to be active with being patient?
Dr. Sarah Schnitker 0:53
Well, sometimes people are naturally patient, but for most of us, it is something we need to work on. And the good news is we can actually work on it and improve our patients' learning strategies to regulate our emotions, remain calm, even when things are frustrating and difficult.
David Cooper 1:10
Now, what does being patient really mean? Does it just mean I'm in the doctor's office and after five minutes, I don't go to the receptionist and lose my mind? Like, what does it mean on a deep level to wait for something?
Dr. Sarah Schnitker 1:21
Well, you know, I think it's interesting. Sometimes we have choices to wait. Sometimes we don't. But what distinguishes patience from other psychological constructs like delay of gratification is that with patience, it's how you wait. Not whether or not you do, but when you wait, are you doing that calmly without getting overly dysregulated? It doesn't mean you don't have any emotions, but that you're able to stay present and calm in the moment and not lose sight of your goal and what you're trying to do.
David Cooper 1:54
Patience to me seems a little boring, and correct me if I'm wrong, but you've said patience exists in this extreme between recklessness and passivity. What does that mean? That sounds pretty dramatic.
Dr. Sarah Schnitker 2:06
Well, you know, I think part of the reason I bring that point up a lot is because people often hear patience and think it's going to make you a doormat. That if I'm patient, I won't get anything done. I'll become lazy and not get there. But what we show in our research is that patience actually helps facilitate goal pursuit. And what it does is it helps you just keep going at the correct pace. Not rushing ahead, pushing forward when you shouldn't and being reckless, but also not giving up because you're so upset and dysregulated and impatient, right? That's actually what our data suggests is maybe the worst outcome, that passivity that comes with impatience when you just say, I'm done, I'm throwing in the towel.
David Cooper 2:50
When we talk about goals, this is where I think, and I hope you'll agree with me, patience takes courage. Because suppose you're pursuing a goal, like you want a promotion at work. You talk to your boss at promotion review season, and they tell you you're not quite there yet. You got to keep working on these skills. Maybe in six months, we'll revisit it. What do you do? Do you just rage quit on the spot?

Is patience a skill we need to develop?

David Cooper 3:10
Or do you stay engaged and work on these kind of like boring things for six months to stay on track? In this sense, it can take courage to be patient.
Dr. Sarah Schnitker 3:17
Exactly. And I think, right, courage and patience really are complementary. And if you have one without the other, we actually find you might not be in a good place. It means you might just throw your hands up, give up, or you might recklessly push. Maybe you would say, no, I deserve this raise now. That's not going to win you a raise. And so you need this back and forth between patience and courage. And pushing forward is important, but also recognizing it's going to take time and it's going to involve waiting is just as important. And Sometimes we're afraid to wait. We're afraid that what we hope for won't come. And so we might just say, forget it. I'm not going to try for a raise.

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