Wrapping the Week with Kerre Woodham and Tim Wilson: Uber Eats, Ben Stokes, FIFA World Cup

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The Mike Hosking Breakfast 10 min 3 speakers 3 chapters transcribed 3 months ago
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Who are the hosts of the podcast and what is the episode about?

Tim Wilson 0:00
Got Tim Wilson with us and Kerry Woodham. Tell you who sauntered in at the last minute is old Kezza. And she said to me as she walked in, she goes, I'm not late. Well, I'm not. No, technically. Where were you, though? I was changing my outfit.
Kerre Woodham 0:14
Why? Because I spilt foundation all down the cashmere. And mercifully, because I live like a snail, I had done an MC gig yesterday and had a range of outfits. And normal people would unpack their car when they got home.
Tim Wilson 0:28
I did not. But lucky for you, you still had another dress in there. So you've come in dressed in your evening wear.
Kerre Woodham 0:33
Not evening. It was an afternoon. Oh, okay. Can we just stop this?
Heather du Plessis-Allan 0:39
As a man, I feel very, very isolated and alone because you guys are just speaking some kind of female language. And by the way, Heather. Heather, I want to back the truck up. You rugby men don't talk. What an absolute load of stinking, blinking rubbish. What about your Artie Savias, your Bowdoin Barretts, your John Kirwins, your David Kirks, or two words, Dane Coles? That bloke could talk underwater. Wash your mouth out. Get back to the game. Very good.
Tim Wilson 1:08
I've never heard him that far out. Are you a rugby boy? Because that's a surprise to me. You don't look like a rugby boy. You don't look like any kind of schoolboy.
Heather du Plessis-Allan 1:20
I'll tell you what, I was in the office today, not today, sorry, earlier this week with two of the younger team, early 30s, early 20s, hit the deck, give me as many press-ups as you've got. How many did you do?
Kerre Woodham 1:35
How many did you do?
Heather du Plessis-Allan 1:36
50.
Kerre Woodham 1:36
Oh, no, we're not doing the Mike Hosking old boomer thing again.
Tim Wilson 1:39
No, this is, yeah, this is, yeah.
Kerre Woodham 1:41
Oh, no. He's all about this, he is. Go and take your shirt off and show how ripped you are. Oh, no. When you take your shirt off, do you have muscles?
Heather du Plessis-Allan 1:49
I'm not going to do that. But please don't. I've got some muscles.
Kerre Woodham 1:54
Honestly, that chat about, how many press-ups can you do? How many moles did you do on your rear bike?
Heather du Plessis-Allan 1:59
Well, here's the deal. I said, oh, is that cashmere? Oh, what happened? It's the same thing.
Kerre Woodham 2:06
I was including you in the conversation. To be fair, it was an explanation. You were hard to... And Mike Hosking would be able to talk cashmere till the cars came home. He quite would. And he would sympathise with you. And he would have the perfect... Perfect bottle of oil to get the foundation out.
Tim Wilson 2:21
And he would sympathise about how hard that foundation can be to get out. Who even are you, Tim? Yeah, Tim, honestly. Kerry, would you sack Ben Stokes?
Kerre Woodham 2:29
Do you know what? I have a little bit of sympathy for him because as far as I'm concerned, if you win... You know, winners are grinners. Winners you can drink until you like. Pretty much.
Tim Wilson 2:40
Curve you doesn't apply. I'm old school on this.
Kerre Woodham 2:43
But because of their appalling Ashes display, I watched all of those games over summer. It was appalling. Absolutely appalling. So I think there's a lingering hangover, if you will, from that. But when I was maitre d' of Paradiso and Wellington, anti-Diluvian times, the Black Caps lost with a day and a half to spare against Pakistan.
Tim Wilson 3:05
Yeah.
Kerre Woodham 3:05
Oh, here we go, Tim.
Tim Wilson 3:07
Here's a yarn.
Kerre Woodham 3:08
Here we go.

What humorous exchanges occur regarding fitness and press-ups?

Heather du Plessis-Allan 3:10
I'm just pulling up my armchair.
Kerre Woodham 3:12
Yeah. Just call me Barry Soper. They had been in the Paradiso back bar having a high old time of it, you know, kicking up their heels and then lost with a day and a half to spare. So I said to Ian Smith when he came in, they're not welcome here. You play up, fine, but you get up, you know, you get up and you perform. And he must have told them because a couple of them tried to come in. I'm like, I'm sure he's told you, you are not welcome here. Go somewhere else. So you had to be their mum? Well, I was just appalled. So you were the mum of our cricket team for a hot minute there? No, I wasn't. I was the policewoman saying, go back to your room and have a look at how real cricket is played and let's watch some old videos of how real cricket is played and emulate that because you do not lose with a day and a half to spare and show your face around town.
Heather du Plessis-Allan 3:59
And then go out on the rest house. This is so good.
Kerre Woodham 4:03
What was the security guard doing? He's a bit like a water bottle on the lawn to stop the dogs.

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