Chapter 1: What is the perfect morning routine?
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode.
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Today, I'm going to be talking about actually allowing things to work out the way that you want them to. I want you to think about something for a second. Have you ever noticed how your brain will immediately go to everything going wrong whenever you get inspired to do something different? Like you have an idea. And you feel excited about it for a split second.
And then almost instantly, it's like, yeah, but what if it fails? What if I embarrass myself? What if I get judged? What if I'm not good enough? What if it doesn't work out? And so automatically, it just pops into your head. And it feels so real because it's so automatic that a lot of times you don't even question it. It just... feels like truth.
But I want to introduce a question today that might feel like it's simple, but if you actually sit with it and allow your creativity to find out what's possible with it, it can change your entire life. Like, what if it actually works out? Not an... toxic positivity way. Not in a just think happy thoughts type of way when the entire house is burning down.
I mean like really ask yourself, what if this thing that I'm afraid of, this thing that I want my life to turn into but my body is saying no, no, no, danger, danger, danger. What if everything actually goes right. What if the other shoe never drops and my life just continues to unfold in an amazing way all the time?
And so I'm gonna say something that I feel like I have said 4,000 times on this show, and I feel like a broken record saying it, but I really need you to think about this. Multiple times a day, every single day, when you have a bad day or you go to the negative or you spiral or you catastrophize, Your brain is almost always going to go to the negative most of the time.
It is the human brain's default. Your brain is not designed to imagine best case scenario or to make sure you're happy. It is designed to protect you.
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Chapter 2: How can you allow things to work out positively?
It is designed to predict the future based off of the past, which means if you have failed before, if you have been rejected in some sort of way before. So your brain goes, cool, I've got an idea of what might happen based off of what's happened to me in the past. So let me go ahead and project that into the future. That's it. It's not intuition, it's not truth.
It's basically just pattern recognition inside of the brain. Pattern recognition does not mean truth. It just means it is searching through your database of your past taking what's happened in the past and throwing it into the future.
Chapter 3: Why does our brain focus on negative outcomes?
So if you failed before in the past, it thinks you're gonna fail again. If you've been judged before, it thinks you're gonna be judged again. If you've been made fun of before, it thinks you're gonna be made fun of. It's just taking the past and throwing it into the future in order to keep you in the exact same place. And your brain will always default to that.
It will always default to what feels familiar. especially if what's familiar is you playing small. And that's why for a lot of people, like failure doesn't really feel scary all the time. Sure, it's scary, but it's like, we've done that before. Do you know what feels scary for a lot of people? Success. Success does. Think about that for a second. Because failure is known.
We could predict what could happen based off of what's happened in the past. You've done that before. You've failed before. And your brain thinks about that a lot. Success, though, that's unknown. And an unknown thing to your brain feels like a threat. So let's go a layer even deeper, okay? When you say things like, oh, yeah, I don't know if it's going to work out.
That's not really 100% what you mean. What you actually mean is I don't know who I would be if it did work out. Like I've always messed up or I've always not been good enough. I don't know who I would be if I succeeded. Like if it did work out, you'd have to be more visible. You would have to be more responsible. You would have to sustain that success.
You'd have to handle new problems that you've never seen before. You'd have to change your beliefs about who you think you are if it all worked out. If you actually succeeded. That's a new and different identity. That's scary to the brain. And your brain goes, yeah, we've never seen that person before. That sounds scary. Let's not risk it. Let's just hit the brakes.
And so it pulls back because it wants to keep you within your current identity. It doesn't know anything outside of what you already have and what you already are. And so here's something that's really crazy about it. There's a book that's called Thinking Fast and Slow. And here in the book, he explains a really important thing, okay?
Inside of your brain, you actually have two different systems inside of your brain.
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Chapter 4: What if everything actually goes right in your life?
One that thinks fast, like immediately, automatic, emotional. You don't even really notice it so fast. It just pops in. And one that thinks slow. It thinks logical. It thinks intentional. So that fast brain is the one that comes in first. System one is what comes in first. And it comes in immediately and it runs your identity. It runs your patterns. It runs your, this is the story of who I am.
So even if your slow brain, system two, is like, yeah, this could work, your fast brain has already run in there, pulling you back to whatever feels familiar. And so system one runs most of your life, especially your default reactions. System two, what's funny is it thinks that it's in control. But usually, if you're not intentionally using system two,
Well, system one ran in and made its immediate reactions. System two, if you're not in control of it, just usually explains what system one has already decided because it comes in slower. So you, knowing this, need to stop getting caught in all of your first thoughts and first feelings and give yourself some time. Let system two come back in.
Be intentional with system two and say, okay, I've noticed the fears of system one, the worries of system one, the limiting beliefs of system one. But let me bring in system two. What if this actually works out? In you, system two, which takes a little bit longer to come in, it's the logical side, it's not the emotional side, a little bit more logical.
You, system two, asking the question, what if it actually works out to challenge system one? And we will be right back. And now back to the show. So that is your brain and how it works, but there's another layer that we need to talk to that's really online that really is happening inside of you, right? That's your nervous system. This is the part that most people miss.
Your comfort zone is not just your thoughts and your behaviors, it's your emotional states too. If you're used to stress and overthinking and doubt and inconsistency and anxious feelings inside of your body, your nervous system will go back to those feelings and emotions because they feel, well, normal.
Even if they suck, even if you don't want them, they feel normal and you want to go back to what is normal.
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Chapter 5: How does past experience influence future expectations?
Unconsciously, your nervous system, your brain, all of those things want to go back to what is normal. So when something starts to go right, when there's momentum in the right direction, when there's opportunities popping up, your nervous system goes, hold on.
this isn't familiar, this is unfamiliar, this doesn't feel like us, this is something I've never seen before, I can't predict this, let's hit the brakes. And so you subtly will procrastinate and you'll overanalyze and you'll overplan or you'll pull back in some sort of way or you will create problems in your mind that don't actually exist.
Not because there's something wrong with you, but because your body is trying to return to what feels safe and what is known. Misery doesn't feel good, but it feels familiar for a lot of people. Your nervous system, even if you don't want to feel miserable, but misery is your standard, will still want to go back there because it knows this is what feels normal.
And so if it's about to do something different, if you're about to do something different, if you're about to think differently, what you need to do is let yourself feel the discomfort of doing something new and out of the ordinary for you. Don't run from it. You're going to feel your nervous system kick on and be like, danger, danger, danger, alarms, alarms. Don't do it. Breathe into it.
Let yourself feel the discomfort. You're doing something new. And prove to yourself that you're not going to die. And sustaining it long enough, and doing this for a while, it will eventually start to feel normal to take action and to do something different and to get out of your comfort zone. Now, I promise you this, this is not a couple weeks kind of thing.
This isn't even like a couple months kind of thing. It's probably like six to 12 months kind of thing for getting out of your comfort zone and doing something new and building an identity to actually feel more normal to you. Like to feel normal. It's a two to three year thing for it to actually feel like who you are. Is that longer than we want? Absolutely. I have found this to be true.
Nothing you want will ever happen as fast as you want it to. But when it does happen, it will be 10 times better than you thought it was going to be, right? It might take two to three years, but damn, it's better than being stuck and miserable for the rest of our lives, isn't it? Sure. So how do you actually shift this?
Not like intellectually or theoretically, but in real life, how do you actually do this? Let's get practical with it, okay? The first thing that you want to do is catch the default question. Questions direct your mind. And so you're constantly asking yourself questions. Your brain will ask questions like, what if this goes wrong? What if this doesn't work out?
What if I'm not good enough or smart enough or a failure? So it's going to ask those questions, which is why it immediately goes to things not working out, things going wrong, you being a failure, not being smart enough, all that. And so you want to notice the question. That is system one part of your brain. Just expect it. Expect it. Stop getting so wrapped up in it.
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