Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Hey, it's Chloe Salmon from The Moth. As a story director, I talk to a lot of people who say they want to tell a story but don't know where to start. A tip I give them? Get specific. What's a moment that meant something to you? Your first home run? That road trip with your dad? The time you bombed at the talent show? Start there, then build on that foundation.
You can find tips to help you identify those moments along with prompts to inspire them in The Moth's new guided journal, My Life and Stories. Whether you want to find your own story, reflect on your life, or even give it as a gift, you can order your copy at themoth.org forward slash my life and stories. That's themoth.org forward slash my life and stories.
This is the Moth Radio Hour. I'm your host, Suzanne Rust. You don't have to join the circus to perform acts of bravura. Life itself is a high-wire act. We are constantly putting ourselves on the line, taking risks, and searching for balance. This episode features stories about finding your equilibrium when life knocks you sideways.
Sometimes you just have to step out on that wire and be brave enough to go across. But sometimes, like our first teller, you just have to join the circus. This story was told by Tiffany McKinney at a Detroit Slam. Here's Tiffany, live at the Moth.
Okay, I'm gonna get close and not touch the mic.
Okay.
All right. All right. Hey, this is scary. I woke up one morning, opened my eyes, and waited. I knew this morning would be the same as every other morning had been for the past two months. My husband and best friend of 22 years had passed away, and I waited for grief to greet me. I waited for my brain to start the same argument to just stay in the bed and not get up. But I did.
I got up, and it was Monday. I checked my cell phone, and I smiled. My group of girlfriends, they were texting me, giving me messages of encouragement, telling me they were proud of me and sending me memes of hoops of fire, someone taming a lion, and a lady in a sparkly leotard flying through the air.
The week prior, I had decided I had to do something to make myself feel better, something to help me find joy. And I was working with a personal trainer. I had signed up for a swim class when I saw a local news segment interviewing the owner of the Detroit Fly House Circus. Yes. So I said, ooh.
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Chapter 2: What unconventional way does Tiffany McKinney find to deal with grief?
And I promise you, as soon as my foot hit the parking lot, I felt the Lord speak to me and remind me that this was my story. Nobody in there knew that every single day I was fighting for the will to live. Nobody knew how hard it was, and nobody else had that story, and I wasn't gonna let them take this little bit of joy from me. So, I wiped my face, I turned around, and went back to the circus.
So the second half of class, we still have to finish the class, the second half of class, we learned tricks on a hoop. Now, when I signed up for this, in my mind, I thought, what? Hula hoop, because I see ladies at the circus using a hula hoop. No, no. This is a thin metal hoop hanging about five feet off the ground from this thick rope, right? And, oh, God, here we go.
I'm thinking I'm going to have my Rocky moment. This is going to be it, but that's not what happened. So the instructor starts again, and he's telling us how to get up on this hoop or whatever. And again, I'm last in the line of four people. And it's just as hard. I'm struggling. I'm sweating. They even had to lower that hoop down one foot just for me. But let me tell you something.
By the time I pulled all 230 pounds up on that little metal hoop, the entire class was cheering for me, including the instructor.
OK?
I almost cried. I was so excited. So I just, I had my moment. I took it. I closed my eyes and I leaned back and I pictured myself in this sparkly leotard. And when I opened my eyes, the little instructor is standing there. He's like, you want me to take your picture? No, sir. I know this is not look like anything like what it does in my head. Just leave me be.
So needless to say, life is still not what I expected it to be. It's still messy, it's still hard. I still have to be reminded that this is my story and I get to walk it out however I choose. But I know how to find joy even in the hard things. And while I finished that six week class, I did not return to the circus. Instead of hoping for a sparkly leotard, I just went to Target and bought one.
That was Tiffany McKinney. She is an entrepreneur and speaker. Tiffany has given up the hoops and silks, but she has other goals. Every day she looks for people she can encourage. She feels privileged to share the knowledge that hard things, terrible things can happen, but she believes that you can still find joy on the other side of it.
On that note, Tiffany says that she is on a never-ending quest for a piña colada and a palm tree. To see a photo of Tiffany, head to themoth.org in the radio extras. There are moments in life when just being who you are is an extreme act of bravery, an act of defiance.
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Chapter 3: What insights does Tiffany share about finding joy after loss?
But forgiveness? Why should I be the one asking God for forgiveness? He should be the one asking me for my forgiveness. In fact, he should be begging me for my forgiveness and not the other way around. Oh, Arshi, you'll have so much time to have your one-on-one with God. Now is not the time for arguments. Just be the obedient little Indian girl you are and start praying.
Maybe Gabriel will show up. Maybe God will have Morsi on you. Okay, so I start praying. Life. The night is just ending, and I can feel the darkness closing in on me. I think I pass out on the floor at some point. And then, I hear the first birds chirping, the glimmer of sunshine, the curtains start moving. No sign of Gabriel. He didn't show up. Maybe he forgot about me.
Maybe he doesn't care enough or he became busy with chores because he's like working for so many different gods. I don't know. But the message is clear. I have to live. No one is going to come save me. Slowly I find my legs. I get up. I slide the rat poison back under the bed. and I make my way to Ammi's dressing table.
One by one, I pick up her lipsticks, and I put them away in one of her favorite jewelry boxes. I close the lid, and I say, , farewell. I never open that box again. I look at it from time to time, but I just let it be. I now live in New Jersey. No prizes for guessing that I have a pretty formidable lipstick collection of my own now.
I remember the first time I walked into a Sephora and I bought a beautiful shade of Chanel lipstick. Creamy, glistening, just waiting to be applied. It cost me more than $30. Didn't even bat an eyelid, didn't convert it into Indian rupees. Just pay it up. Oh, Ammi, I thought, you must be so proud of me.
But I haven't really gravitated towards the shiny reds, pinks, you know, the brighter colors that she loved. I'm more of a nude girl myself. So I think that Ammi would have been really disappointed in my choice of lipstick shades. Hey, Ammi, I survived. I lived to tell the tale. It's okay, Arshi beta.
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Chapter 4: How did Dave Lara navigate being a gay man in the Navy during the Vietnam War?
Why can't you tell this tale wearing shiny red lipstick? Indian parents. There's no winning. But I tried, Ammi. I really tried.
That was Arshia Kapadia. Arshia is a global communications leader, storyteller, and mother of twins who has lived across three continents but is now based in the New York tri-state area.
Arshia holds a master in film and television, and back in India, she was a journalist and non-fiction TV producer, creating some of the country's most iconic shows, including MTV's Style Check and Life's Like That. She believes the best stories are the ones we live first and rewrite later. Obviously, I had to know what her favorite lipstick was these days.
She said it's a matte crayon lipstick from an Indian brand called Sugar in the shade Lily Aldrin, a deep pink mauve color. I was on the subway the other day and watched a mother lovingly apply some lip gloss to her young teen daughter's lips. She then took out a mirror from her bag so that the girl could admire herself, and they both smiled at the reflection.
It was a beautiful, intimate moment that really made me miss my mother, who died when I was just 21. I think that learning to live through loss and grief is one of the scariest high-wire acts of all. Losing my mother at a young age really shaped me, and I wonder how it shaped Arshia. She said that it made her realize early on that nothing is guaranteed. Not people, not time, not even memories.
In Arshia's words, when you're afraid of forgetting the sound of someone's voice, you start looking for something tangible to hold on to. When the person you rely on most disappears so suddenly, a part of you learns to keep some distance. It's not cynicism, it's self-protection. but it's also made me intentional about the relationships I do have. If I let someone in, it means something.
So losing her didn't just shape my grief, it shaped my approach to life. Hold on to what matters, accept that some things will fade, and build trust carefully but wholeheartedly when you find people who feel steady. Those are the words of Arshia Kapadia. That's it for this episode of the Moth Radio Hour.
Thanks to all of our storytellers for being brave enough to step out on the high wire and share their stories. And to all of you for spending some time with us today. We appreciate you and hope you'll join us next time.
This episode of the Moth Radio Hour was produced by me, Jay Allison, and Suzanne Rust, who also hosted the show. Co-producer is Vicki Merrick, associate producer Emily Couch. The stories were directed by Jody Powell and Larry Rosen.
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