Chapter 1: What stories about life after death are shared in this episode?
This is the Moth Radio Hour. I'm your host, Jay Allison. This is an hour of stories about life after death. And if you don't mind, I'll start with a quote from Keanu Reeves, who, when asked by Stephen Colbert what he thinks happens after we die, said, I know the ones who love us will miss us.
In this show, a bunch more answers to that question from a doctor, a Renaissance fair gravedigger, and of course, the loved ones we leave behind. We start with Panduranga Rao, who told this at an open mic story slam in Ann Arbor, where we partner with Michigan Public. Here's Panduranga, live from the Moth.
Hello, I'm Pandu. I'm a doctor. You might have guessed that because I'm Indian. But it's particularly relevant to what I'm going to say about belonging. I finished medical school in 1986. And like a lot of my classmates, although I graduated and here I was an official doctor, I still felt like an imposter. I still felt that, no, am I really a doctor? Do I really deserve to be a doctor?
But, you know, I didn't have the courage to actually face that. So I had to go looking for a job. And I lived in a place called Madras, and the job interview was in New Delhi, 1500 miles away, so I took a train. So being a newly minted doctor, obviously I could travel only by third class in the Indian railways, which is what I took.
sitting among all of the ordinary folks and it was time for lunch and everybody ignored you. They all took out the lunch boxes and started to eat. And here I was sitting all alone feeling sorry for myself. One of the things that the Indian Railway requires when you reserve a ticket is it says specifically, if you're a doctor, please state you're a doctor.
You know, if I were to fill up that form now, I would carefully avoid saying that I'm a doctor, but at that time, since I've newly graduated, I proudly wrote Dr. Pandu. And in India, they always call you by your first name, Dr. Pandu. And here I was sitting in the compartment, and suddenly there was this ticket checker who walked down the train calling out, where's Dr. Pandu? Where's Dr. Pandu?
And suddenly there was silence and everybody became very alert. You know, who's this Dr. Pandu among us? And then I very, you know, bravely raised my hand and said, I'm here. And they said, do you mind coming with me, sir? I said, sure. I felt very important and then walked along with him. And we went right up to the end of the train.
And even as I approached the end of the train, I knew there was something sinister and bad which was going to happen. And at the end of the train, propped up in the last seat in the train compartment was this very old man who had died. And as we came closer, the ticket checker turned to me and said, sir, we want your help in this case.
So I thought he was going to ask me to find out what's going on. Then he deflated me by telling, we actually know this person is dead. So then I looked at him and said, what do you want me for? He said, well, we want you to certify that he's dead because if you don't certify that he's dead, we have to stop the train at the next station.
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Chapter 2: How does Panduranga Rao's experience as a doctor shape his view on death?
He said, no, we don't have any of that here. So the closest thing I could get to certify that somebody had passed was to look at the pupil. So I said, okay, at least get me a flashlight. And so he readily ran and got a flashlight. And as you know, all the train ticket examiners in India, they carry a flashlight, which is five feet long.
So he got this huge flashlight and I had to go back and shine it. And then lo behold, the pupils were dilated, and indeed, this poor chap had passed. And so they gave me the papers, and I certified him as dead. It was a very sad event, but I nonetheless did that, and it was with a sense of some accomplishment that I did that. And then I started walking back to my third class seat.
By the time the word had spread, that there is this doctor among our midst who actually certified a patient to have passed. And because of that, he saved us eight hours of waiting. And then when I sat there, immediately everybody gathered around me and asked me where I was from. Do you want some food? Take this food. Take this coffee. Take this drink. And I became a hero.
And it was at that time I suddenly realized who I was and what it meant to be a doctor. that despite doing something so intensely sad, despite doing something which should actually cause so much of grief, I yet managed to bring so much of comfort and stability to everybody else around me. And I felt really proud of being a doctor and felt I have arrived. Thank you.
Panduranga Rao is a nephrologist at the University of Michigan Hospitals in Ann Arbor. He told us that despite significant advances, patients with kidney disease, especially those on dialysis, have a higher mortality than the general population. So he deals with death quite often in his field, but has never gotten used to it.
We asked Dr. Pandu if he still feels the way he did at the end of his story, that as a doctor, despite doing something intensely sad, he manages to bring comfort to others.
Absolutely. I'm especially humbled when the family reaches out to me after a patient passes and thanks me. Time and again, I'm reminded about the unique role the doctor plays in the patient's and the family's life.
The comfort and the strength they always offer to the family and about how privileged I am to practice medicine, even in these turbulent times, or perhaps especially in these turbulent times.
Our next story also comes from Ann Arbor, from a Moth Grand Slam, in which 10 slam winners are invited to tell a new story and compete to be crowned the ultimate storytelling champion. at least for the moment. From Ann Arbor, here's Jaron Egge.
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Chapter 3: What unique perspective does Ceren Ege offer about her father's promise?
It's not published anywhere. So I leave there. I call Josanne. And she's like, what was the house like? And I'm like, it's exactly like it was when he left it. It's Monty's wallpaper and Monty's tile. And she says, what's the significance of the bathtub? He's saying there's something about a bathtub.
And then she says, you know, Craig, Monty just told me that he's been trying to get you in here for 20 years. And I'm sort of, this doesn't quite sink in, but a week later I get an invitation from Paul, the guy who lives in Monty's house, and he says, listen, I know this may be a little morbid, but do you want to spend the night in Monty's bedroom? So the following Wednesday,
I have a dinner party at Monty's house. My friends come over, and at midnight they all leave, and I go up to Monty's bedroom, and I'm there. I've been led all this way.
Chapter 4: How does Noreen Grimes navigate the emotional process of dispersing her mother's possessions?
I'm in his bedroom. And I'm looking at the tub, and I'm thinking, oh, I've got to get into the tub.
Monty would.
I mean, he was a method actor. He'd want to feel what it felt like to be him. So I go in the bathroom, I get in the tub, and I lay back and I'm looking at this air vent. And it's this very sacred moment, you know. And I'm looking at this air vent thinking that's the last thing he saw alive. And while I'm laying there, I'm thinking, you know, I remember what Josanne said about 20 years ago.
You know, he's been with you for 20 years. And then it hit me, like my face. When I was 19, I had a massive reconstructive surgery to my face. I had a genetic disfigurement to my jaw, and I had years worth of operations to rebuild my face. Montgomery Clift had a terrible car accident at the peak of his fame.
He was leaving Elizabeth Taylor's house, and he hit a telephone pole, and his face was demolished. And his jaw was wired shut for months, just like mine was. And I thought, this is why he wants me. When you have an experience like that, you really sort of see how shitty people are. Because you have two different faces, but you see the world through the same set of eyes.
And I felt like I understood him in a way that maybe nobody else would. And wouldn't we want the person to tell our story be somebody who understands who we are? So I got out of the tub, and I was very aware that I could stand, that I could leave, and I could be, in a way, Monty's happy ending. I could live past 45. I could have a great life. I could be out.
After the bathtub, it kind of died down. Monty left me alone and went back to my real life. And I'm not any more spiritual than I was before this started, by the way. I mean, I'm still completely living in complete fear of everything. And so I go to LA, and I work in television, and it's great. And then a few months ago, Josanne called me. She's like, Montgomery Cliff's back.
He's been waking me up the last two nights. And I'm like, that's great. I'm really busy with my TV show. And she's like, she's saying you've got to get to Elizabeth Taylor because there's something that Elizabeth Taylor knows that no one else knows that he knows, that she knows. So I blow it off. I finished my job. The day after I finished my job, my cousin Chandra calls me from Texas.
Now, I talk to Chandra like once every 10 years. We have nothing in common. She lives in a small town in Texas. She's got eight kids. And she calls me out of the blue, and I'm like thinking, who died? And she says, I'm like, is everything okay? And she's like, well, this really scary thing happened here last night. I'm like, what? She's like, well, I woke up and there was a man in my bedroom.
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