Looking in the Mirror: The Moth Podcast

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The Moth 18 min 2 speakers 8 chapters transcribed just now
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What does the host say about mirrors and personal reflection at the start of the episode?

Larry Rosen 0:02
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all? Welcome to Welcome to the Mod. I'm Larry Rosen. You may remember that quote from Snow White. That is actually the way I start every morning. Now, in that scene from Snow White, we are introduced to the magic mirror. The magic mirror has been described as a moral judge, a truth revealer, a projection of the evil queen's inner state. And while that mirror is, of course, a work of fiction, mirrors in real life are often seen the same way, revealing not just the person you actually see, but the person who lies underneath. On this episode, we'll hear two stories of people going through big changes as they literally reflect on themselves. Our first story is from Phineas Knowles, who told it at a Burlington story slab where the theme was growing.
Larry Rosen 1:08
Here's Phineas, right
Phineas Knowles 1:10
long. The day has come for my first shave. I don't really want to maintain a smooth face. I would much rather grow a luscious beard with a curling mustache. Like a pirate or dwarf from Lord of the Rings. Yeah. But it takes time to accumulate enough hairs for such a feat, and everyone always tells you that shaving helps stimulate beard growth. So I've been waiting in anticipation to begin this process. And now I have whiskers growing in little patches. The time has come. I already have the supplies and I'm suddenly nervous. To be clear, at this point in time. I'm not a teenager. I'm a twenty-nine-year-old transgender man going through puberty a second time thanks to hormone therapy. And because of this, I have never shaved any part of my body before this day.
Phineas Knowles 2:19
So This is gonna be a brand new experience and I realize I am not prepared for this. I want some pointers on how to shave properly, but I don't want to refer to the vast knowledge of the internet. Most guys have someone present during their first shave. A father

How does Phineas describe his first ever shave and why is it significant for him?

Phineas Knowles 2:39
Uncle. Grandpa, kind neighbor, some masculine figure to coach and encourage them during this rite of passage. I want that connection. But I don't have family close by. So I Skype my older brother who's in Oregon. He's more than happy to do a demo for me. So he sets up his phone in the bathroom and begins a tutorial. Okay, so with shaving, you wanna be careful about the angle and pressure of the razor. Otherwise you're going to cut yourself ow! Like I just did. This is why you want a stiptic pencil on hand. Press it to the cut, stops the bleeding pretty quickly. Now don't worry about making funny faces to get around the mouth. Especially right under your nose. Ow! Turns out my brother isn't good at talking and shaving at the same time.
Phineas Knowles 3:32
He cuts himself several more times. Then ends the instruction with, and that's pretty much all there is to it. He smirks into the camera, blood dribbling down his cheeks and neck. This is not helping my confidence at all. But my brother says, look, you have a Gillette razor, right? That's really good for beginners. Just remember. Do it slow. Do it gentle. You'll be fine. End call. So now it's my turn. I stand alone in the bathroom. Lather up my face with foam.

What tips does Phineas receive from his brother during the live shaving tutorial?

Phineas Knowles 4:11
And pick up the razor with a shaky hand. I feel like Bilbo Baggins unsheathing his sword for the first time. It's a small blade, but fully capable of damage, right?
Corey Parks 4:23
Right?
Phineas Knowles 4:27
I press the flat head against my cheek and slowly slide it across my skin. Two inches. I rinse off the razor and take another slow stroke. Rinse. Slide. Rinse. Slide. I become intimately reacquainted with my face. The jawline, which I'm told looks square now. My cheeks. Too round and girly for my liking. The lips and sharp curve of the chin that I suspect will remain the same. And my neck. Possibly thicker, but it's hard to tell. Hormone therapy is changing these features slowly. But not fast enough. I'm tired of seeing this face that lies about who I am. This face that is a source of constant misgendering. I want to look in the mirror and see the grown man that I truly am. But it's a waiting game, just like the beard.
Phineas Knowles 5:35
One of the hardest ones I'm ever to endure. After twenty slow methodical minutes, I rinse off my skin. The deed is done.

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