I just wanted the pain to stop. PTSD was a living hell for me. And I just wanted the pain to stop. And so I told my wife at the time, You're moving out. And she did. And then I almost, I almost succeeded in stopping the pain that way. By the way, if you ever have any thoughts about that, I'll suggest, get some help, reach out for someone. But I'm also gonna suggest find someone to love. I notice when I find someone to love, I open up love to me. I know, I, I know I am love at this point, I didn't know it then. All I knew back then was I am pain. And I paid the price for that. So right when I was two thirds of the way through the trigger pool, I, uh, I remembered a photo from the police academy. And they showed a body of a man that looked like he weighed about 350 to 400 pounds. And Lieutenant Waugaman said, how much do you think this guy weighs? And he said he was about 125 and he'd been bloating out in the field in the summertime after he shot himself. And you know, I, I did the best I could. That's all any of us can do. I sent my wife at the time away, I didn't want her there. I went them two thirds of the way through neutralizing the pain. And I'm telling you how I was thinking at the time. That photo flashed in and I thought of my grandmother and my mom and I loved them and I was able to let that love Reveal itself in me. Not everyone has that happen But I invite you in any point in time of your day in any point in time in your life find Someone to love find someone to imagine Lovingly for when you can find a way when you can find someone to give what you truly are to You That heals everyone. When something like this pops up in my life, I often mention, from what I can tell, we don't die. I had my near death experience in 1989 and two others since then. And from what I can tell, we don't die. I've also had visits from folks that are on their next adventure. I guess all that started when I was a boy and my other grandma died. That doesn't mean I don't miss her to this day, and I certainly did as a little boy, and it's okay to grieve. It's okay to feel sad. It's also okay to just, whenever it shows up, spontaneously feel happy that they're on their next adventure. And you can commune with them at any time. We get to notice, we really get to keep discovering, you're not your physical body. And death is a doorway. So years later, I'm reading Neville Goddard, And Neville Goddard says the suicide of Judas, one of the disciples, is changing the concept of self. Your identity. And you know I'm nuts about identity based manifesting. Because I'm nuts about who I get to be in the world, and who you get to be in the world, Who you get to be on your next adventure, too. Because we're all going to awaken to what we truly are. And in the meantime, and even after that happens, we get to play some parts. Neville woke up to who he was, and he still played the part of Neville Goddard. Speaker, writer, teacher, dad. So one more. From what I can tell, people experience pain and suffering every day in one form or another, a tiny bit or a lot. As much as I've transformed in the past 11 months, and I've transformed greatly, Right now I just stretch my hip, and it's a little bit painful when I stretch it. It's not painful when I walk. It used to be painful with each step. And I've discovered strengthening and stretching, that's what I'm naturally doing now since I changed my identity, my state. I went from someone who was happy with progress, to someone who doesn't settle for anything less than a miracle. Transformation. See, self improvement is totally different than personal transformation. Because you're the personal. God, the ever almighty universal giver of life, you're the personal. The spark behind your eyes is God having the adventure of a lifetime. Let it be personal. Let it be fun. But don't ever take any blame on.

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