Chapter 1: What financial issues does Marie raise with her boyfriend?
Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. Normal is broke and common sense is weird. So we're here to help you transform your life. From the Ramsey Network in the Fairwinds Credit Union studio, this is The Ramsey Show. I'm George Camel, joined by Jade Warshaw this hour. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Marie kicks us off in Washington, D.C. What's going on, Marie?
Hello, I'm calling with what I hope is a very simple ask and recommendation from you guys. I have a boyfriend of four years and he simply refuses to talk to me about his debt or his financial situation. How do I convince him to trust me enough to discuss with me? It's been four years. I don't know if you can.
I don't think there's a simple answer here other than get to the root of what's going on here. Why is he scared? Is there trust issues? Does he have baggage? What do you think is behind it based on what you know about him?
So I talked to him the other day about it just so I can understand why maybe he doesn't. And he reminded me, and I didn't remember this, that I loaned him like $4,000 a few years ago when he was purchasing his house. And he said, I treated it like a bank transaction. And I was really stringent upon payback payments that he would have to make me. So that, okay, that's good.
That means that he, that means there is a reason. And so there's likely some shame there. If he's thinking about that, often thinking, man, she's strict, like she's serious about her money. He's probably afraid that if he reveals what's going on with his money, that you'll be judging him and you'll... Or that you'll leave him, abandon him.
If he's not cut out for you, if he's not financially responsible enough for you.
And by the way, is that true? A little background on me and him. We're both retired military. He's a retired Marine. I'm retired Army. We both have good six-figure jobs, but on my side, I'm going to pay off my house in four years. I'm going to fully retire in five. He's not at that level because, you know, he's divorced. He has kids in college.
So I think because he sees how financially secure I am on my end and how really I budget down to the dime, right? Yeah. So how strict I am with my budget, that's... I'll expect him to be that way and not understand why he had the debt he had. Well, is that true is my question. Now, it's fair for you to say I have a set of expectations.
Like, yeah, I expect us to be a little bit more intentional or a lot bit more intentional. I expect certain things. But the question comes in. Will you be judging him? Will your tone be judgmental? Will like how will if he tonight says, you know what, Marie, let's talk. And he divulges a lot of things that truly are shocking to you. How will you react?
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Chapter 2: How can Marie effectively communicate financial boundaries with her mother?
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Brandi is in Grand Rapids up next. What's going on, Brandi? Welcome to The Ramsey Show.
Hi. Thank you so much for taking my call. It is an honor.
Absolutely. Honor for us, too. What's going on with you today?
So I am in, it's kind of like an interesting predicament. So I moved from a larger city, you know, so obviously like resources, opportunities, and I moved to a more, not even more, a significantly more rural and secluded area a couple years ago to live with my partner.
And because he owns a home, whereas I was living in a bigger city, paying a lot in rent, and we wanted to build our life together. So instead of me...
paying all that money in rent um i moved away from these resources away from these opportunities um i work from home and my money was supposed to go to like you know renovating our home and starting you know investing in our in our life together and i know if dave was here he would say that my first mistake was doing this before there was a ring on my finger and i don't necessarily i don't know where the hour is because it's his home
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Chapter 3: What steps should Marie take regarding her boyfriend's financial situation?
Right. Absolutely. And that's absolutely true. But I want to invest in a life with him and his daughter. Okay. Does he? It's more that, well, so that's the presumption I've been under, you know, as he moved me away from my life and I made these sacrifices. Hold up. Roll it back. Run it back just a little bit.
He moved you?
Yeah, because he didn't move you. You chose to move.
Did he kidnap you, put you in a trunk? Because if so, we need to call the police.
No, you're totally right. Absolutely. We're being strong on it, but it's so important that you do own your part of this as you untangle this, because it'll just help you have those fair conversations with him when the time comes for you to talk about all of this. No, you're completely right. Cool. Absolutely.
So you're kind of trying to you're thinking ahead going, OK, I moved out here because I did see a future. And now now what now now what's happening? What's your question? So a couple of years ago in fall of 2024, my car broke down.
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Chapter 4: How does the conversation address the dynamics of financial responsibility in relationships?
And we tried to repair it. He's very handy. But it was just a very crappy car. It was beyond repair, unfortunately, even beyond our best efforts. So we just scrapped it. And I've tried very hard to save, you know, but even the job that I work, I make $37,000 a year doing this job, paying most of the expenses here because he's a semi-truck driver. He's gone. almost all week.
He's rarely ever home. So we decided that it was fair that I pay most of the expenses here. He doesn't make money when he's gone driving the truck? He doesn't make money? That doesn't make sense that just because you're home you pay it. Are you saying like physically I'm the one who puts the check in the mail or are you saying like financially I'm the one that covers it?
You cover 70% of all expenses.
So he pays for the mortgage and the property taxes. I pay for the internet here. I pay for the electricity here. How does that break out percentage-wise? Is it like 50-50 or is it like 60-40?
Are you paying $300 a month and he pays $1,500?
Yeah, he pays significantly more money each month than I do because the mortgage is a lot more than what I pay each month for stuff.
And that's essentially your rent because you're not really paying rent. Right.
So you're saying you pay a greater percentage of your money than he does. Is that what you're saying? Because you made it seem like you were doing more. Wait, sorry, I didn't hear that.
You said I'm covering most of the expenses, but percentage-wise, you're covering 10 or 20%. No.
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Chapter 5: What financial options does Max consider for his debt?
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Chapter 6: How does Max's past impact his current financial situation?
Go lock in your spot with a $600 deposit before it's too late. You can click the link in the show notes or just go to ramseysolutions.com slash events. All right, Max is in New York City up next. What's going on, Max?
Yeah. You're going to have a ton of questions as to how I got in this hole, but I'm 26. I'm in New York City, and I found myself in close to $15,000 in credit card debt, unemployed. and renting a shoebox, 184-square-foot apartment for $27.50 a month. And... I know I'm not the first person to find myself in this hole, but I just don't see a way out of it.
And my best ideas at the moment are take out another credit card with a 0% APR balance transfer for, I don't know, 12, 21 months and just push this debt down the road. That's your best idea?
Yeah.
Chapter 7: What strategies are suggested for Max to improve his income?
Well, you know, we'll get to some of the backstory if you want, but, you know, that or do I, you know, at 26 years old, is it worth just looking into filing bankruptcy? Are you a New Yorker or did you move there to try to pursue something? No. So I came here on a suggestion because I was at complete rock bottom and I had nowhere else to go.
And somebody else was willing to float the first six months of my living expenses to be here. I got out of my... Third residential rehab program for drug and alcohol abuse. You know, I just made it to 18 months clean and sober for the first time in my life. Wow. That's impressive.
So, yeah, I'm very proud of that, you know, and I'm, you know, like diving into spirituality and, you know, trying to strengthen a relationship with God and can't, you know, can't believe that I got here. And now I'm like, what the hell? Where do I even start? I have just no financial literacy.
Chapter 8: What advice is given about managing Max's living expenses?
That was never part of my upbringing with my parents. And I'm just feeling, feeling screwed. Yeah. What was it? What were you doing? What was the work you were doing before it went sideways? Yeah. After, you know, after applying to every entry level position, I was given a job by someone in a 12 step program, recovery program. He owned a, a,
a bit of a canine concierge service and he allowed me to walk dogs for him. Wow. Is there anything on your record that would make it tough for you to get employment like anybody else? Yeah, I mean, I've been turned out. Yeah, yes, there is. And the reason I feel stuck in New York City is because I am not legally allowed to drive anywhere in the country. Understood.
And so I came to New York City for the subway. So you need somewhere with public transit. But there's a lot of options for that. So you're not stuck in New York City. You're stuck in a city that has some way to get around with public transportation. Yeah. Okay, what were you making doing the Canine Concierge?
Right at about $60,000 a year. That's what I was on par for.
Wow. Have you been looking for jobs? Is that where you want to stay right now? Could you jump to a different, similar job?
I've applied everywhere except bars and restaurants because I'll be honest, I'm a little worried about going back in. I was a bartender before I got sober. Yes, and we're going to say no to that. Let's not go into that environment. Definitely. Definitely not. I've applied for Amazon. I've applied for UPS. Anything entry-level I've applied to, I just cannot get hired.
The one job offer I've gotten in the past two weeks of looking for a job was 100% commission-based for Verizon. We need something stable right now.
We don't need like a maybe I'll make money in three months offer.
Do you think that the reason you weren't able to get on at Amazon and UPS and those places, was it because of what might be on your record? Or do you just think, I just didn't get hired? I didn't even get a call back for an interview. Right. And what I'm trying to ascertain is, do we need to start thinking about what are things you can do to create income on your own?
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