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Chapter 1: How can I help my in-laws who are facing eviction?
Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the pods moving and storage studios, it's the Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. Dr. John Deloney is my co-host today, number one best-selling author and Ramsey personality. The phone number here is 888-825-5225. Chris is in Canada. Hi, Chris.
Welcome to The Ramsey Show.
Hi. How are you guys doing?
Better than we deserve. How can we help?
I just had a question. I'm a long-time listener and a personal caller. I never really had a reason to call other than the other day I got on a
Okay, your phone's cutting out, man. Speak directly into your phone.
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Chapter 2: What should I do if my mom keeps giving me money despite her bad spending habits?
Okay, how's that?
Much better. Thank you.
Yeah, my wife got a message from her parents saying that they're behind on rent for a couple of months and they're fixing to be kicked out. And they're asking us to help. I mean, they've asked us a whole bunch of times to help with bills and to pay things. And they're not great with their money and they don't make a whole lot of it. They don't work a lot.
So we just don't really know what to do to help them.
How old are you? I'm 30. 30?
30, yeah.
Yeah, and how long have you been married?
We've been married about two years, been together 10 years.
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Chapter 3: How can I get out of a high-interest car loan?
So these people are in their 50s?
They're around, yeah, mid-50s, almost late 50s.
Yeah. Okay. Do you even have the ability to help? Is this a frustration question or is this a math problem question?
We're going through the baby steps ourselves. We're paying off our own debt. We don't have the financial ability to help all that much, but we do have a house of our own that we can bring them into, but it'll be really tight. It's the two of them. It's her younger sister. She's got two kids. They've got two dogs.
It would be really tight, and we wouldn't really want them there for a long period of time.
So younger sister has two kids, and she lives with them also?
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Chapter 4: What are the implications of not combining finances in a long-term marriage?
Yeah, she's about 24, 25. Is she working?
No. So this isn't a matter of helping out. This is a matter of transferring complete dysfunction. This is a mess.
It is a mess, yeah. The father works mainly, and then he works with a construction company. He's good at his job when he has work, but he's working very little.
Yeah, he doesn't work much, the daughter doesn't work at all, and mama doesn't work at all. There's kids and dogs all over the place, and they don't pay their bills.
Yeah, it's hard for them.
No, it's hard for them because they don't work.
Yeah, I mean, I don't know where my wife got her work ethic from, but she works two jobs.
I don't either because these people don't work.
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Chapter 5: How can I effectively communicate financial boundaries with family?
Sometimes people grow up in a situation and they say, never again, and maybe that's your wife.
Yeah, yeah, because she kind of grew up in it a little bit.
So, Tim, one of the most painful things that we do as an adult is we watch people that we love, friends or family, do stupid things and misbehave, and there's nothing we can do about it. And we hurt for them more than they hurt for themselves. It's very hard.
Yeah, when we were speaking to her mother, she kind of seemed a little bit cool, calm, and collected. And we were kind of over here like, how are you relaxed right now? Like, you can't pay your bills. You're kind of struggling. You're kind of being kicked out.
I think that's an important thing for you to notice about yourself. You can't care more about them than they do about themselves. Yeah. Yeah, I get that. They're not children.
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Chapter 6: What are the dangers of enabling financially irresponsible family members?
I'm sorry. I hate this for you. It's not harsh, but here's the thing. If you gave them $10,000 and they got completely current, in one year they're going to be right back here again, aren't they?
That's a conversation I've had with my wife. We said we could win the lottery tomorrow and we can give them a house and $500,000 spending money, but they'd come back eventually.
Yeah. Yeah. And so there's no amount, there's no amount of funding help. That's going to actually help until they change. Would you agree with that?
I agree.
So throwing money at them is, uh, almost hurtful because it's kind of like you're giving a drunk a drink. We call that enabling. We call that enabling.
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Chapter 7: How can I approach financial discussions with a spouse?
Dylan, is there anything that I can kind of say or not do for them, but kind of convince them in a way that kind of I don't know, going to get a job or doing work.
You know, I really wouldn't say anything to them about them. I would just talk about what you guys are doing and say, you know, we figured out if we work a lot that we have more money. We figured out that if we live on a budget and control our spending very carefully that we don't have as much stress because we're never behind.
And I would make statements about yourself, and then if they ever go, wow, I'd be cool to do that, I'd say, I would be honored to show you how to do that. I'd be honored to work with you and coach you on how to do that. I'll be your biggest cheerleader, but I'm not ever giving you another dime again. Because money doesn't help them, Tim.
They need a new set of information plugged into their computer.
Yeah, their program is corrupted.
I remember when I was in college, I had an opportunity to leave school and go do something, and the guy was... We were back and forth, and I was like, dude, I'm not dropping out of college. It's stupid. And it was a cool opportunity, but I'm not going to leave school. And he told me something that has stuck with me forever, even though I ended up finishing school and all that.
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Chapter 8: What steps should I take to regain financial stability after debt?
He said, the people who are successful don't have a backup plan. And I said, why? And he goes, because they'll use it. And that was silly Instagram advice before there was Instagram, but there's something to... Until your father-in-law realizes there's no superhero coming this time, I'm just going to have to stay at work and make more money.
Until your sister realizes that money doesn't fall out of the clouds to help her two little babies who are in desperate need of somebody giving them some structure and some support. Yeah. Until there continues to be a backup plan, they're going to continue using that backup plan.
So if they come to me for help, I would say here's what I'm willing to do. I'm willing to lay out a detailed game plan, and I'm willing to cheer you on as you go do it. And if you go do everything on there, I may surprise you with some other help. But in the meantime, the help I'm going to give you is information to reprogram how you're doing life because your life sucks. You're not having fun.
That's only if they ask, because I don't answer questions that people don't ask anymore. I sit here all day and answer questions on the radio, but you asked, so I'll answer it. But my friends and family that come into my life doing stupid stuff, I just look at them and go get a cup of coffee. There's nothing I can do. But if you ask, don't ask. Don't ask, because I'll tell you.
And because I love you so much, I'll guide you out of this, and I'll show you the hard answers to the questions. Work hard. You're going to have a callous. You're going to be tired. OT overtime is going to be a big part of your life, and you're going to pile up so much cash.
that you keep the wolf away from your door, and we're going to jack the 24-year-old up and get her a life that's sustainable. Living with mom and daddy with her two kids is not a plan. This is The Ramsey Show. Dr. John Deloney Ramsey Personality is my co-host today. If you're a pastor listening today, we know that you've had a hard few years. You've got long hours. Church attendance is down.
Church is still trying to come back after COVID in many cases, and all while trying to keep your own house running. You've had to take care of so much, and we want to take care of you. You deserve a safe space to talk about the hard things you're dealing with, especially money. So we created a free... pastors-only version of Financial Peace University.
Over six weeks, you'll learn with pastors from all over the country how to get out of debt and build wealth, how to get control of your money with a budget, how to work with your spouse if you have one, and even how to retire with confidence. It's all free, and this class is led by folks on our team who understand pastors. Many of them are former pastors, and they have a heart for you.
So join our free pastors-only Financial Peace University by visiting ramsaysolutions.com slash pastor. ramsaysolutions.com slash pastor. Today's question of the day comes from Shelly in the Baby Steps Millionaires community on Facebook. John?
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