Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
George Campbell here with a quick PSA before the calls start coming in. If you want to leave the money stress in 2025, you need a plan that works. So take what you learned today and put it to work in every dollar. Download the app and start for free today.
Normal is broke and common sense is weird. So we're here to help you transform your life. From the Ramsey Network and the Fairwinds Credit Union Studio, this is The Ramsey Show. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host, Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, number one bestselling author and host of The Ramsey Network. Dr. John Deloney's show is my co-host today. Open phones here at 888-825-5225.
Joan is in Florida. Hi, Joan. How are you?
I'm good. How are you?
Better than I deserve. What's up?
I have a question. I would like to know if it's okay if I lock my husband out of my savings account.
Wow. Tell me more. Sounds pretty dramatic.
Yeah, it is. We've been married for 45 years. Probably 20-some years ago, we got into some credit card debt. a lot of credit card debt to the point where we had to take out a second mortgage. I also borrowed against my 401K, and it took probably 10 years to claw out of that debt. And, I mean, we were really good about budgeting, and now we have our home paid off, all our cars are paid off.
We had absolutely no debt until probably the last year. I picked up a second job before to help, you know, get this debt out. Well, I've since left my second job, and we are just spending. I say we. It's not really we. It's him. It's just spending way more than what we're bringing in. On what? Oh, just he has just bought a boat. He's bought a truck to pull the boat. He's bought road bikes.
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Chapter 2: What should I do if my spouse is overspending?
So he wants to enjoy his life. We sort of had a significant event happen in our family. We had a family member of ours who just worked himself to death and died in his 40s and didn't enjoy life at all. Didn't enjoy any of the money that he made. So my husband was like, well, he's not going to do that. He's not going to be like that. It doesn't sound like the problem is the boat or the truck.
It sounds like you come home from working your second job and all of a sudden there's a new boat in the driveway. Oh, I hate it. I look out there, and I see it, and I hate it.
No, no, no, no, no. Him doing crap without you guys being in agreement on it. That's the problem.
I agree.
You didn't go along with these purchases. They just occurred.
No. Well, I did go along with the boat, but I didn't realize he was going to spend as much as he did on it, and I didn't realize that... I mean, he just keeps putting more money into it.
For people that have been married 45 years, you all suck at communication.
Yeah, not good. Yeah, I agree. I agree. Or did he just change it on you? Have you all been communicating well for a decade, and then all of a sudden this went sideways? No, no. This isn't new. We've never really agreed on finances. I'm more of, let's save, let's put it aside. And he's more of let's enjoy it. It's just gotten bad in the probably last year and a half.
So, Joan, I appreciate your frustration and even your anger, and those are justified. But the problem is not the savings account. That's the symptom.
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Chapter 3: Why is mortgage debt considered acceptable?
We have an income. We are doing this. We have a boat now.
And that kind of stuff. And when you sit down to have conversations about... Feeling dishonest, whatever. If you sit down and say, you went out and did this again and you did this, he's going to fight you. He has to. You've declared war. If you sit down and say, hey, I'm hurt. I'm scared. I feel this way. Start the conversation with I statements and that can be an invitation.
And then if he continues to act like a child, then we're going to have to respond in some different ways. But you've got to reset this whole communication pattern.
Yeah. You guys got to work on your skills. That's it. Your skills are low. And that may mean sitting down with a marriage counselor who's teaching you how to develop these skills.
Dave, we got a lot of calls on this show where life happens. One day someone's healthy, they're working, providing for their family, and then a curveball hits.
You know, we hear it all the time. A car accident, a cancer diagnosis, a heart attack, and suddenly everything changes.
Yeah, and that's why you've always said that having term life insurance from Zander is essential because it protects your family if the worst happens.
Yeah, that's right. You need 10 to 12 times your income in coverage. No gimmicks, no whole life junk, just straightforward term life protection. But there's another piece that people often overlook, and that's long-term disability insurance.
Yeah, it's important to understand the difference between them. Life insurance steps in when you die. Disability insurance steps in while you're alive but can't work. So it replaces a large part of your income so the bills still get paid while you get back on your feet.
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Chapter 4: How do I navigate financial stress after a disaster?
They help people negotiate all kinds of debts, but when you're dealing with the IRS and Social Security, it's different. it's a different spirit over that stuff. So yeah, different world.
Tell me about the social security repayment, Dave. I've never heard that before.
Well, if you continue, if you're working and you're receiving full payout on SSI, which is social security for disability. So she was declared permanently and totally disabled by the government. Based on that, they're paying her probably three, 4,000 bucks a month, give or take, okay? Might be more, might be less, but somewhere right in there. And it's not unusual.
And based on the fact that she's permanently disabled and she qualifies to receive Social Security support instead of, or is different than the retirement you get through Social Security. But then when she went back to work,
she kind of says double dipped says i'm really not permanently disabled anymore i've gotten past that i've worked my way through that with therapy or whatever i'm able to work again but kept getting the checks okay and so that that's not okay right you can't keep getting a check for being permanently disabled when you're no longer permanently disabled and you've proven that by working if you had a private
disability company that you had a disability policy at your work and they were paying you and then you went back to work they would have private investigators following you around with cameras right so that they could not have to pay you the disability anymore do you know if you have to pay tax on SSI benefits you do not so if you're getting four thousand bucks
and that's where some of that taxes came from so if we can reduce what's owed back to them then that might reduce that irs tax bill probably i'm guessing i'm fishing around in the dark there but i think that's what i'm hearing but i can also imagine if you are permanently disabled and we know psychologically spiritually emotionally that
Going to rehab, doing the hard work, and getting back out there, right? And you don't know if it's going to work. It's good for everybody. That's right. Good for everybody. But if you're getting a check for $4,000 a month, $48 a year after taxes, right? That means you've got to be making. You've got to go find a job that pays pretty dang well to come off even. Yep. That's tough.
That's a tough order. Yep. Right? Yep. Our human nature is going to say... Why swim upstream? Yeah, because you want to be well. That's why. I mean, it has to be that way. But if she's making 50 grand, then she took a net loss in her house after taxes.
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Chapter 5: Should I help my boyfriend pay off his student loan debt?
He had a student loan. He cut his payment by 40% with YRefi. Go to YRefi.com slash Ramsey. That's the letter Y, R-E-F-Y.com slash Ramsey. Might not be in all states.
All right, today's question comes from Jenna in Minnesota. Jenna writes, should I help my boyfriend pay off student loan debt? No.
Chapter 6: What are the implications of shared finances in a relationship?
I guess we could just end it there, but I'll keep going. I know what you're going to say, so let me explain. Still no. We both went to college for mechanical engineering. My parents covered my tuition, but my boyfriend has over $125,000 in college loans. We both work good jobs and bring home a combined income of $200,000, but his loan payments are killing him.
He didn't want to burden me with them, and he wants to put our life on hold, marriage, house, and children until they're paid off. He has about 15K in savings, and so this is going to be a long process. I have 80,000 in savings and roughly 300,000 in stocks that my grandpa set up for me when I was a kid.
Should I help pay off my boyfriend's loans by adding an amount to his payment every month, pay them outright, or do you think I shouldn't help him at all? Should you cave to his blackmail? I was going to say, this is a red herring. It's a proxy. It's a ploy.
Yes. So listen, kiddo. We tell folks when they get married, Everything becomes shared. So you will have $125,000 student loan when you're married because your husband does. He will have $300,000 in stocks that his wife's grandfather left her. He will have $80,000 in savings that his wife had before they got married. And so when you get home from the honeymoon, pay off the student loan.
But this is bull crap. It's bull crap.
On a stick. So frustrating.
Yeah. Tell boy child time to get – you know, part of the problem is we're all playing house over here, so he's got no incentive to get married other than blackmail you into it. So now if you want to have a healthy relationship, you all get married yesterday since you're playing house anyway.
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Chapter 7: How should I approach helping my elderly mother with her kitchen?
We have a combined income. You don't have a combined income. You're not married. That's bull crap. You're shacking up.
And we would not have a show if – People like you didn't withdraw $125,000 from the money that their grandparents sent them to pay off a boyfriend's loans and then y'all break up. Oh, yeah. That's like standard. We wouldn't have this show if that didn't happen all the time. And I know you can say, no, not us, not us.
No, he would never do that.
Yes, y'all.
The guy that won't marry me would never do that.
You know how you sound?
so seriously no don't please don't please don't please don't time to get married boys and girls look i think this is i think it's a good i think it's a good like an altar call right here it's come to jesus are we are we gonna do this or not yeah because if you're gonna get married y'all get y'all come home from the honeymoon we would tell you to take the 380 000 that you have in assets and pay off the 125 000 debt that he has and then we take off with our life with our fabulous combined income and zero debt
and whatever's left of that money, which would still be 200,000 bucks.
So, yeah. And by the way, when you get married, what you're agreeing to do is to help carry burdens together.
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Chapter 8: What advice is given regarding business and family balance?
This is the big glaring neon sign. We have to put our life on hold. He doesn't want to burden me with that. We have to put our life on hold. Then he's not ready to marry you then. Oh, brother. We're not going to work together.
Work together, work together. I'm going to give this guy about 20 minutes. Get me to the church on time, baby. I'm serious. I'm done with this guy. This is bothering me. There's something about this that's running all over me, and I'm usually a little bit – I'm pretty mean, but I'm usually a little bit more gentle than this. Yeah. But there's something wrong, Jenna.
Here's what is getting under my skin. Oh, I know what it is. You have worded all of this – It's all the dadgum language. That's what's killing me. You have worded all this because you have bought this freaking sales line. That's it. That's the thing.
That's what's bothering me.
She thinks she's the problem. She thinks she is the problem here. This guy has complete, he's a, I'm afraid he's a con artist. He's a leech.
Yeah.
So either way, if you're, listen, you either need to leave or you need to get married. Please don't pay off his loans. And don't pay off his loans unless you get married. And if you get married, then it's our loans and our money, and we'll do that. But you got about 20 minutes, buddy. About 20 minutes. Stop the sales job. Don't like con artists who are sleeping with the person they're conning.
It's a problem. dadgum salesman oh sorry i think i've had too much coffee john merry christmas ho ho ho oh my gosh i need to calm down but yeah i just i think about my girls and they did not thank god we you know thank god that we taught them how to pick and they picked studs so i've got two sons-in-law they're absolutely incredible man i i yeah i've got a young daughter and you would kill him
but here's what here's why yeah i know i do here's why this young woman jenna is is astounding yeah she's a dad she's a mechanical engineer she makes a hundred grand she's got half a million dollars already put together because her grandpa hooked her up and she's got this guy that she loves and the guy is making her the reason yeah and so she's asking herself every day what am i doing wrong oh i have another way i can save this thing
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