Chapter 1: What financial preparations should I consider if my spouse is going to prison?
Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. Normal is broke and common sense is weird. So we're here to help you transform your life. From the Ramsey Network in the Fairwinds Credit Union studio, this is the Ramsey Show. Alongside Jade Warshaw, I'm Ken Coleman. The phone number to jump in is 888-825-5225. Breaking news, folks.
It's rare that I ever get to do breaking news, and I love breaking news. We're going to get to the cause, but I got to tell you, I was just informed not very long ago, just a couple of hours ago, that I'm sitting next to not just the fabulous Jade Warshaw, as I want to introduce you. But the best-selling author, Jade Warshaw, the new book, What No One Tells You About Money, a national bestseller.
We're talking about an unbelievable out-of-the-gate performance. We're talking about all books out there, and she's at the top of the list. Congratulations, my friend. Thank you, my friend. I appreciate that. Very exciting. Just the beginning of this book and its impact is being celebrated today. But I wanted to say congratulations. I know you, the audience, are very happy.
For those of you that supported this amazing message, that's going to actually help you. Thank you. Yes. So you ready to roll? I was hoping you had like a toast or a drink or something, a bourbon or something. I don't. I have a, well, there's a lady in the lobby. What is that, lemonade? Yeah. It's Minute Maid Lemonade. Sure. We'll take an honorary swig of that. Yes, we will.
Let's go to Megan, who's joining us in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Megan, how can we help today? Hi, guys. Hi. I am going through some changes. You know, my income is drastically, well, my family's income is drastically changing. What's happening? Basically, my spouse is going away for some time. You know, we're unsure of that timeline, maybe two to ten years. None of that's
finalized but i'm trying to get you know ahead going away going going away for some time i just don't want to assume anything but i think you mean he's going to jail yes oh yes unfortunately i don't want to get into sure that's fine okay totally get it just wanted to make sure we understood what you're dealing with and tell us again the timeline maybe two maybe up to 10 years and when and when when
Well, he's in the jail right now, but he just was arrested last week, so it's very early. So I'm just trying to get ahead so I don't get behind. Yeah, tell us what the financial impact will be as relates to losing his salary. So he owns a lawn care landscape and business. We also have three rental homes that bring in income, and he's the handyman for those rentals.
So he usually brings in between $10,000 and $15,000 a month. Okay. What about you? Do you work at all? I work full-time, and I bring in about $4,000 a month after taxes and insurance. Okay. Are there children?
No.
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Chapter 2: How can I encourage my 19-year-old son to take responsibility for his finances?
And you're going, okay, babe, how many hours a week are you actually doing something in these lawns versus who does the accounting? I would get a brain dump from him and talk to him as though this is possible because I think it's possible. And I would go the route of trying first –
to just get a body, a guy who needs a good paying job, who likes outdoor work, could be even a young, sharp high school kid who's graduating, he doesn't want to go to college, wants to go in this field, and you go, I tell you what, here's my situation. I need somebody that I can count on, and here's what you're going to do.
I'm going to pay you really well, and you're going to learn this business for yourself. Now, and what you would have to do is step in and make sure that if your husband was doing the accounting, that maybe you hire a bookkeeper. But again, we're talking about a very small expense to take maybe what he has been doing that's not in the field.
And running the business side of it and see if you can replace it. I think it's worth kicking the tires. I think it's worth a really detailed conversation with your husband to see if we can keep this thing going. Because to Jade's point, if we can keep this thing turning out 10, 12, the occasional 15,000, that's a pretty healthy little business. And my gosh, I think it's worth trying.
Okay, okay. Yeah, I mean, I definitely could put out some ads for maybe a new worker. I can get with a guy that's working for him right now and definitely, yeah. Do you have a good support system, like community, whether it be church or neighbors or family? I have a few close ones, yeah. And they're standing with you. They're not deserting you in this crazy thing you're doing.
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Chapter 3: What steps should I take to get my finances organized at 46?
As far as right now, no, nobody's deserting me. That's where I'd start. I wouldn't do ads right away. I think you need people who are going, hey, I totally am with you. I see where you are. I understand what's going on. And we're going to rally to try to help you with this plan. OK, we want to try to keep this income going.
But, Jade, let's transition to worst case scenario if all of this income goes away. Well, the first thing we need to see is like how secure of a position are you in? I mean, do you guys have a bunch of debt? Do you have tell us more about your kind of month to month situation? So, yeah, the only debt that we have, so our personal home, our mortgage is about $4,000 a month.
We owe about $260,000 left on that. Any other big debt? The other one rental house is mortgaged and we owe about $140 on that one. You know, I'd be looking to simplify this if I were you.
If you, I want you to go home, I want you to write out all of your debt, consumer debt, and then I want you to consider it might be worth it to offload one of these mortgages, take the equity and pay off all of your consumer debt because you want your expenses as low as possible going in, especially with the changes coming possibly to his income. Hang on the line.
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Zander is the real deal, and that's why they've handled all my personal insurance for over 25 years. I trust them, and you can too. Visit Zander.com for instant online quotes or for a more personal touch. Give them a call at 800-356-4282. All right, let's go to Kay, who's joining us in Salt Lake City. Kay, how can we help today? Hi. Thank you for your help. Sure. So I have a 19-year-old at home.
He's working, and his hours have been reduced recently, but I feel like his... His finances have become my problem. So a few months ago, he had a paid-off car. Everything was great, no debt. And next thing you know, he goes and trades that vehicle in for a 2018 BMW. Insurance, of course, is now being deducted from my account because I was trying to help him.
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Chapter 4: Is it wise to share my inheritance with my siblings?
kind of a few things of that sort with the vehicle. He wasn't able to pay the registration the first couple of months. So it just kind of been piling up and I'm just trying to figure out how do I put my foot down? Where do I draw the line? And I'm at the point where I've come to the point to ask him to move out to his dad's house because I feel like
There's always something with that where I'm coming in to save him. Hold on a second. That's your choice. I'm going to jump in. I'm going to jump in. I heard you say, of course, twice when you described that you swooped in and tried to help. And now you're saying, I'm at the point where I want to send him to his father's. And I got to tell you something. This isn't this kid's fault.
And sending him to live with his father isn't going to solve the problem. And I'm on your team, Kay, but the problem is you. Yeah, you're acting like this is just happening to you. You asked us, how do I put my foot down? And here's my answer. Put it down. Stomp it. You've actually never put your foot down. It's like hovering all the time. And he knows it, by the way. I'd park the car.
um if it were me and um i i just think you have to stop like you're so worried about something so there's fear underneath why you won't put your foot down so the technical answer to how you put your foot down is is determine what is this thing you're so afraid of happening and keeps you from putting your foot down that's the simple answer so what is it
Well, I'm trying to not have him make the same mistakes I did when I was younger and, you know, screw up his credit score. And there's just so many things of like getting into so much debt. Did you learn anything from those big mistakes? I did. Really? Wait a second. Wait, tell me. How is it that you learn from those big mistakes? Well, I was on the side of him not getting this loan.
I was advising him to save his money. No, you didn't answer my question. No, no, no, that's not the question. What Ken is asking you is the mistakes that you made, what did you learn from them when you were his age? What did you learn? Wow. I don't know how to answer that. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. Here's what we're getting at. What we're getting at is mistakes are necessary. That's how we learn.
You learn by touching a hot stove. Oh, don't touch that. You learn by trying to, you know, do the things that you're not supposed to do. And then you learn what you should do. That's the process. That is the process of maturing. You cannot keep your son. If you seek to keep your son from making mistakes, you are robbing him from the opportunity to learn. Period.
Yeah, and I agree, and that's why I want to put my foot down. I just don't know how far is too far. You're not even close to too far. You're not even close. Well, yeah. You know what, though? I actually think that you threatening or going through with sending him to his father's is too far. Because I'm going to tell you, and again, I'm not picking on you. Hold on. Hold on.
That's not even too... That's not even... It's too far. I got to say this, though. It's too far. You're punishing him for something he didn't do. Well, that's what I'm saying. You sending him to the father's house, that's not you putting your foot down. That's you copping out. So that's why I said you're not even close because this is something you must deal with.
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Chapter 5: What financial lessons can be learned from combining finances in marriage?
I mean, full disclosure, my wife and I are both pastor's kids. So very conservative, Baptist, you know, small churches. So it wasn't just conservative theology. It was just conservative living. Do you know what I mean? They lived on less than they make. So that's all we ever knew. In fact, I wish Stacey were here because I don't think I'm wrong. I don't think we ever even had a conversation.
About it. About it at all. It just happened. It was just like, when we get back from the honeymoon, do we want to stay with my bank? We were at two different banks when dating. And so she was in North Carolina and she was going to move to Virginia.
Chapter 6: How can couples effectively manage their finances together?
So it was like, well, here's who I'm banking with in Virginia. And it was just kind of like, we got to set up a joint. It was just day one. That's so interesting. We never even considered. And I've always kind of done that dog head tilt when people call in. To this day, even though I've sat in this hundreds of hours, maybe thousands.
And it's like every time I hear something like that, I go, I just don't understand why... you would want to have separate accounts. It's gotta be a trust issue. Cause I'm even thinking about Sam and I, and it was similar. It was just like you and Stacey. It wasn't even a question. And when I really think about it, I go, well, I had plenty of reason to say, you know, things I've seen.
And he had plenty of reason to say the things I've seen, like our backgrounds did not truly set us up to combine money, but I'm guessing we really just had trust in each other because it was like a no brainer.
Chapter 7: What are the implications of separate bank accounts in a relationship?
I'm just going to say, and again, I mean, everybody has their own foibles and faults and everything. But just as a guy, now coming up on 28 years of marriage, I'm so grateful that my phone location is on and she knows where I'm at at all times. I know, that's right. Yes. She sees any expenditure anywhere. Yes. She has, I'm sure the code, you know, the six digit code to get into your phone.
A hundred percent. Yes. We have the same phone password because I mean, you know what I'm saying? Well, let's play devil's advocate. What would happen if you change your phone code? And she said, I shudder at the thought of the idea of removing, not because I'm this bad person. Here's what I don't want. I don't want to be like Ken's fighting team.
No, I'm just saying like, it's nice to live a life where, you know, there's, I'm going to call it an instinctive accountability. Yes. Like we, we've both made mistakes with money. Yes. But we've never done something insanely stupid in our almost 20 years of marriage, because even if I want to like surprise her. Yeah.
I have to say, hey, listen, for the next 72 hours, I need you to not look at the account. Don't look at the account. That's my life. And she knows, why are you doing something squirrely? No, she knows, oh, you want to surprise me. My surprises are like... You got to reveal a little of the surprise. But I'm not griping about it. I'm saying... No, it's great.
Chapter 8: How can one approach the topic of financial surprises with a partner?
I just think human nature left to its own devices. None of us are above doing something dumb, immoral, whatever, whatever, whatever. And I just think that when we talk about combining finances... It's accountability. And I like that we're going down the rabbit hole on this. I'm spending a little time on this because sometimes I want people to understand why we have a principle.
And the principle that we teach here at Ramsey about joint finances isn't just about being responsible. It's also to keep you from wrecking your life. You need somebody to go, wait, what? What were you thinking about doing? You just spent what on what? Take it back. Yeah, 100%. Because when you have the separate accounts, what doesn't change is that you do have a shared life.
But a shared life of separate accounts, to me, feels like a recipe for tension. It's not fully shared. I agree with you. I agree. There's just something about it. Because if Sam had his own account... I would just wonder, what are you spending your money on? Not that he's a great guy. I have no reason to assume he's spending money on bad things.
But to not know and to not be told is like, why would you withhold information that is easily shared is basically what I'm saying. So that it creates something that may not even be there. Yes. But just by the very nature of, well, I've got my thing, all this kind of stuff. One of my favorite stories, Sam just told me recently. So you guys in your budget. Sam and I, I've told you this.
I think I know where this is going. Well, I'm not going to share that part unless you want to share it. But Sam and I were having cigars recently. And he was telling me that you guys, like a lot of couples, you guys have your budget and it's his money. Yeah. His and hers money? His and hers. His and hers fun money. Yeah, it's fun money.
And he said, I'll go months and months and months without spending it. And he goes, I'll just hold it aside, hold it aside, hold it aside, not use it at all. And then go buy something really big. Yeah. And I liked that. Yes. And it reminded me of how there's the individuality. Because you guys have decided ahead of time, this is my money, this is your money.
And he may not spend it for months and months and months. And he told me this story because he went out and did something. And even then he was telling me and he was like, do you think that's crazy? And I go, not at all. No. I said, I think that's a massive flex. Yeah.
And when he told me, he goes, I thought that you were going to think this is the dumbest thing anybody could spend their money on. I said, I don't think that at all. Yeah. And I said, it's not dumb. I said, you know why? Because this thing you're doing is going to be a memory that your entire family will talk about 50 years from now.
He bought an original Ninja Turtles suit from the movie Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles back in the day. Four family Halloween comes downstairs. Kids haven't seen it. He looks like he walked off a movie set. Yeah, and my kids, they'll never forget it. It was a great memory. And it was expensive. Yes, it was. But he saved it up in his sock drawer for months. And that's how it works.
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