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Chapter 1: Should we buy a house from family?
Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Pods Moving and Storage Studios, it's the Ramsey Show, where we help people. Build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships.
Rachel Cruz, Ramsey personality, my daughter, number one best-selling author, and co-host of Smart Money Happy Hour on the Ramsey Networks, a very popular, fun, and funny podcast with George Camel is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Nicholas is in St. Louis. Hi, Nicholas. How are you?
I'm doing good.
You better than I deserve. What's up?
Ah, yes. Um, I just wanted to call in. Um, so I wanted to get your opinion on a question I had. Um, so we make about my fiance and I, um, she's a stay at home mother. I work out of the house. I make about $50,000 a year. Um, we have about $11,000 in our loan debt, about $9,000 and other debt like credit cards. Um, and we have a baby, he's eight months old and we have another baby on the way.
When are you getting married?
Um, at the beginning of next year. Yeah.
Why?
2024. Um,
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Chapter 2: What should you consider before buying a house with a partner?
Yeah, we need to do that.
Well, okay, go ahead. How can we help?
Okay, yeah. So right now we're currently renting from her grandmother, and we started to look at some apartments locally today, the past couple weeks actually. And whenever her grandmother found out about this, she offered us the house that we're currently living in. It's worth $250,000 for $150,000. So she's offering it to us for $100,000 less than the market value.
And I'm just curious if we should take that offer and what would be the best approach to that?
No. You should not buy houses with people that you're not married to under any circumstances.
Okay. Okay. This would be, like, later on, middle of next year, I would say.
Why?
Yeah. Why? Saving up for a down payment.
Okay. So here's what I would do, okay? Yes. In terms of the structure of that deal. I would offer to rent it from her for three years with an option to purchase it for $150,000 in writing. Okay. In writing.
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Chapter 3: How can you navigate family dynamics in real estate transactions?
But anyway, yeah, so you see what I'm saying? So yeah, in writing, and then you go get married, get yourself out of debt, get an emergency fund in place, go check the insurance this week, quit using that as an excuse with a baby on the way. And let's find out what's going on. I want you to be responsible. And if the insurance gives you really crazy news and you stick with your plan, fine.
But you need to be making major life decisions from facts, not feelings.
That makes sense.
So go get the facts, decide when we're getting married, sooner rather than later is better for the kids, for the finances, for everything. Then we lean in, knock out the debt, build an emergency fund, build a down payment, and then we execute on the option, meaning we go ahead and purchase this wonderful deal. I assume your soon-to-be wife wants to live in this house.
Yes, yeah, this has been her dream for a long time.
It's her grandmother, is that right, Nicholas?
Yeah, it's her grandmother. Oh, I thought it was yours. Oh, so it's not your crazy uncle, it's her crazy uncle. It's her crazy uncle, yeah.
Yeah, okay, all right. So yeah, in writing, and if you want to get real thorough, you would record the option at the courthouse. Okay. Which keeps title from being transferred.
Okay. Okay.
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Chapter 4: What advice does Dave Ramsey give about financial planning?
Just make sure you do this in order, Nicholas. You guys... You're getting married, paying off debt, pay off your own debt in the process as of now, work on that. And then once you guys have savings, you're married, everything, then yep, purchase the home. I think it's great. And I would, it makes things a lot less complicated in many regards.
If you guys know you're together, if you know that she's the one, yeah, to get married. And obviously she's expecting, so you don't want to, I understand not wanting to mess with insurance, but yeah, be looking.
Aside from Nicholas, this is just interesting. And it's good for me to point this out. Dr. John Deloney and I were talking about this on the air the other day here on the show. Now today, more people live together that aren't married than are married. in America and so that we've had this demographic shift on this issue.
Professor Bill Galston, President Clinton's domestic policy advisor, a senior fellow at Brookings Institute, explained the interesting poverty statistics. If you graduate from high school, marry before having a child, and have a child after age 20, only 8% of the people who do those three things will end up being poor, while 79% who fail to do those three things end up being poor statistically.
Wow. Same thing. 97% of millennials who follow the success sequence, different piece of research, here's the success sequence. First, earn at least a high school diploma. Two, get a job and work. Three, get married before having children, will not be poor as they enter their mid-30s. 97% of the people who follow that will not be poor as they enter into their mid-30s.
And so the success sequence, doing things in order, you said, that's what popped this research into my mind. It sounds like it's old-fashioned values or moralistic Bible thumping or something like that, but there's data that says that people that don't do things in the right order have a bigger struggle. 97% of those who follow the success sequence will not be in poverty in their 30s. Wow.
Let me tell you what it was again. Least a high school diploma, get a job, marry before having kids. That's the success sequence. The other piece was marry before having a child, graduate from high school, and have a child after age 20.
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Chapter 5: How important is marriage before making significant financial decisions?
Only 8% of the people who do so will be poor. 79% who fail to do those three will be poor.
eight out of ten so i mean yeah you know so coach yourself up coach your kids up coach your niece and nephew up whatever it is this stuff matters because it has consequences all through these are not standalone compartmentalized decisions they affect your money they affect your career they affect your health they affect everything there's a reason for this stuff this is the ramsey show
Rachel Cruz, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. And one of our favorite people in the world dropped by to hang out for a couple of segments. Dr. Meg Meeker, author of the book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, is where I met you many, many years ago. That book was a huge bestseller.
And we told all of America about it and made sure it continued to be a huge bestseller because I just love books. The concept of how important dads are in a culture where dads are not respected anymore and it's getting weirder and weirder and all this kind of stuff. So she's going to hang out with us here. All kinds of fun stuff going on in the whole fatherhood space, isn't there, Meg?
Well, there is. And a lot of things are changing and shifting. And that's why I'm really gearing up. I'm serious now about helping dads because no one else is doing it. And I really believe we're coming into what I call the new era of fatherhood. And I'm writing about that. We've had a convergence of three things. Dads have been gutted. And I'm done with that.
You know, depression and anxiety in kids is skyrocketing. And I see that. And then finally, kids are getting bombarded with insane messages. And they're being hurt. They're so confused. Even the Surgeon General finally came out and said, oh, guess what, people? Social media is bad for kids. Who knew? Yeah, who knew? And so I'm a strong believer that dads are the answer to so many of these things.
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Chapter 6: What role does insurance play in home buying decisions?
but they don't know it. So that's what I mean.
When you say, for somebody just, we've got a huge segment of our audience that's brand new in the last few months. When you say fatherhood or dads have been gutted, that was your first point. Talk about what you mean by that.
Oh, sure. You know, and I have seen it, and you probably have too, with the rise of feminism. You know, we said women are important, push men aside. And then we said women can do it all. push them farther aside. And then we finally got to a point, it's like, we don't even need dads to have children. We've sort of pushed them away. We have taught dads they're not necessary.
We've taught them that we don't need them financially. We've taught them that moms can meet all of their kids' needs. And now what we've seen is fathers have left. And now we're seeing men in general just being bashed to pieces. If I hear white supremacy and all this anti-masculine talk, and men feel it and know it, and I think it's really time to say, oh, enough is enough.
Because what I see in kids is I see the way kids see their dads. And if dads could see themselves the way their kids see them, they'd realize that kids look at their dads and see pure gold in there. And they want it. And dads have no idea.
Mm-hmm. That's powerful because they do. They play such a role. As a mom, I play, you know, I have a voice in my kid's life that's different than Winston's. And Winston has a voice in our kid's life that is different. So talk about, you know, what is that for a dad that feels like, oh, my gosh, you know, I'm working 70 hours a week. I'm exhausted.
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Chapter 7: What insights does Dr. Meg Meeker provide on fatherhood?
My kids are into sports. We're running. We're gunning. We're doing this life. Mm-hmm.
um just the average dad out there like what kind of encouragement when you say when you say like your kids when they look at their dads they see gold um you know what what are things that are just like tactically that you're like yeah the average dad out there that's that's doing life and trying to be great right like i mean like that there's not working really hard yeah and everybody's telling them they're not yeah
Exactly. Everyone's telling them they're not doing a good job. Well, I work with a lot of intense men, high power, driven. And what I tell them about is there are basically three things your kids need, affection, attention, and affirmation, and acceptance as well. But they need touchdown moments.
They don't need to spend long chunks of time with their kids, but focusing on their kids and giving them attention here and there. Bedtime, you walk in a room, put your phone down. You know how much more attention you could give your kids if you just put your phone down? Yes, yes. Spend a lot of time on emails. And when you see your kids, touch them, hug them, look at them in the face.
And when you see them do something, great character, when you see good character, affirm that. And so you can fit all of these things in and around a very busy schedule and get your kids to where you want them to be.
So what's the best way when it comes to engaging your kids? How much do you lean on? I'm getting really tactical here, Meg. But how much do you lean on actually physically playing? How much of it is sitting down and being like, I just want to hear how you are? Exactly. And emotionally attaching to your kids? Yeah. Because I feel like that that's a real big part.
That's something even Winston and I talk about a lot with our three little ones is like, Winston is, he's such a great dad, but he's like, and he's like, I just want to know, I want to know who they are, where they're at and talk to them. Talk to them and they will tell you stuff.
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Chapter 8: How can dads effectively engage with their children?
You know what I mean? Even at eight, five years old, like they will talk. So how important is the run and gun, the fun and also balance with like, I actually want to know what's going on inside of you and where you're at and be there with you.
Yeah. Well, first of all, it depends on the age of a child. An eight-year-old can't look at you and tell you how they feel. They just, they can't articulate. And they don't even know how they feel. But this is something you could do. You're sitting in the kitchen, you're doing, I'm sorry, your child's sitting in the kitchen doing their homework.
You're in the living room and you say, hey, come here. Just for 10 minutes, take a break. I just haven't talked to you all week. How are things? Just ask them some simple questions. Let them answer. Don't say a word and then they'll go back to what they're doing. Let your kids know you like their company and they'll talk.
If you're going on a Saturday morning to change the oil in your car, ask them to go along. If you go to the grocery store, Ask them to just come and just say, I just want to talk to you. And it's in those moments that you hear from them and you figure out what they're thinking and feeling.
So is the antithesis of that what has caused this rates of depression and anxiety to skyrocket?
Yes.
There's disconnect.
Disconnect. And here's what's happening. It's kind of like a perfect storm. Families are living as autonomous beings under the same roof. Kids live in a very separate world from their parents. They do things on the internet, social media, their parents have no idea about. Their parents are on their screens doing their things. And there's really no...
connection there because kids have learned to interact with people socially very differently than you and I did. And the way they've been taught to interact is not real. It's not satisfying. They're lonely.
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