The Real Weird Sisters: A Harry Potter Podcast

Albus Dumbledore: Character Study, Part 4

09 May 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha discuss Dumbledore's arc in the fourth book, from his many speeches to his rage-filled rant when he finds out Harry put his name in t...

Albus Dumbledore: Character Study, Part 3

02 May 2022

Contributed by Lukas

It's back to the character who started it all, Dumbledore! In part 3, Alice and Martha discuss a new dementor litmus test and try their best to separa...

Take Five, Take 20: Prisoner of Azkaban, 95:01-100:00

25 Apr 2022

Contributed by Lukas

The twentieth Take 5 features a returning guest (Shut Up Tim), the end of the microwave minutes, and a new theme song! Please consider supporting us o...

Fred and George Weasley: Character Study, Part 4

18 Apr 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha gather to properly eulogize Fred... but first, there's a whole world of ear-related humor to get through! Please consider supporting ...

Fred and George Weasley: Character Study, Part 3

11 Apr 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Pull out your Extendable Ears or clean out your own with a long, lethal instrument, and get ready for part three of the Fred and George character stud...

Take Five, Take 19: Prisoner of Azkaban, 90:01-95:00

04 Apr 2022

Contributed by Lukas

April Fool's jokes abound in this latest Take Five, which features Sirius tempted to commit murder and an MVB who is about to run along and play with ...

Fred and George Weasley: Character Study, Part 2

28 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha resume their conversation about Gred and Forge, this time picking up in the fourth book. From their HILARIOUS fake wand to their supe...

Take Five, Take 18: Prisoner of Azkaban, 85:01-90:00

21 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Real Weird Sisters Alice and Martha are joined by Real Weird Guest Shut Up Tim to tackle another five minutes of Prisoner of Azkaban. These five minut...

Barty Crouch Sr.: Character Study

14 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha discuss another morally gray character, Barty Crouch... SENIOR... and uncover several important, groundbreaking plot holes that throw...

Take Five, Take 17: Prisoner of Azkaban, 80:01-85:00

07 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha welcome Real Weird Recurring Guest Shut Up Tim back for another Take Five episode, this time introducing a VERY important new charact...

Wilhelmina Grubbly-Plank: Character Study

28 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Join the Real Weird Sisters and PLEASE STAND UP for our Real Weird QUEEN! Please consider supporting us on Patreon! www.patreon.com/realweirdsistersNe...

Take Five, Take 16: Prisoner of Azkaban, 75:01-80:00

21 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

It's time to break down another five minutes of Prisoner of Azkaban! This week's episode is full of cutting burns from the marauders, some awkward Lup...

Parvati and Padma Patil: Character Study

14 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha discuss another pair of real weird sisters. It can be assumed that this character study will be one of the top five double character ...

Take Five, Take 15: Prisoner of Azkaban, 70:01-75:00

07 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Join official sisters Alice and Martha and special guest Shut Up Tim as they discuss the fifteenth section of Alfonso's magnum opus! Harry fights off ...

Dobby: Character Study, Part 2

31 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha gather to properly eulogize Dobby. But don't worry, it's not all sad... there's also a chance for three of Martha's most notorious im...

Take Five, Take 14: Prisoner of Azkaban, 65:01-70:00

24 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Official sisters Alice and Martha discuss the iconic "HE WAS THEIR FRIEND!" scene with recurring guest Shut Up Tim. There's plenty to pick apart in th...

Igor Karkaroff: Character Study

17 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha discuss the many mysteries surrounding Karkaroff: how exactly did he rise to his role of headmaster? Was he perhaps once a student at...

Take Five, Take 13: Prisoner of Azkaban, 60:01-65:00

10 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Take Five is back, along with all your favorite Take Five segments! Alice, Martha, and recurring guest Shut Up Tim analyze the thirteenth five minutes...

Rubeus Hagrid: Character Study, Part 7

03 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha round out their discussion of Hagrid, analyzing his arc in the seventh book as he flies Harry away from Privet Drive, crunches up som...

Rubeus Hagrid: Character Study, Part 6

27 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

The sixth book sees Hagrid as he reunites with Buckb-- er, Witherwings, makes a new "friend" in Slughorn, and is forced to say goodbye to two of his o...

Rubeus Hagrid: Character Study, Part 5

20 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha are back to talk about our biggest friend--any guesses who that might be?? In the fifth book, Hagger endures more than the normal bum...

Rubeus Hagrid: Character Study, Part 4

13 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

It's time ter resume the Hagrid character studies! Don your hairiest brown suit, a yellow and orange checked tie, plenty of axle grease, and eau de co...

Ludo Bagman: Character Study

06 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

CHARACTER STUDY: LUDOVIC BAGMAN! It's a pretty safe *bet* that you will enjoy this week's episode, as Alice and Martha analyze Bagman's motivations, r...

Madame Maxime: Character Study

29 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha discuss Olympe, a fine, well-dressed woman who's not afraid of roughin' it. From insisting on treating the Beauxbatons horses like ro...

Take Five, Take 12: Prisoner of Azkaban, 55:01-60:00

22 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha school recurring guest Shut Up Tim on some important filmmaking secrets, including the importance of perspective and scene transition...

Mad-Eye Moody: Character Study, Part 2

15 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Spoiler alert: Mad-Eye's dead. So of course now it's time to properly eulogize his gnarled corpse. Alice and Martha discuss the real Mad-Eye in the fi...

Mad-Eye Moody: Character Study, Part 1

08 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Oh no you don't, laddie!! It's time for Alice and Martha to discuss all things Moody in the fourth book, and some things Barty Crouch, JUNIOR (though ...

Take Five, Take 11: Prisoner of Azkaban, 50:01-55:00

01 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

This week, Alice, Martha, and returning guest Shut Up Tim enter a world that is entirely their own as they discuss the eleventh five minutes of Alfons...

Sybill Trelawney: Character Study, Part 2

25 Oct 2021

Contributed by Lukas

The cards never lie, and our reading shows that this week's character study is not to be missed! Alice and Martha discuss Trelawney's arc in the fifth...

Take Five, Take 10: Prisoner of Azkaban, 45:01-50:00

18 Oct 2021

Contributed by Lukas

This week's Take Five is all about that infamous bridge scene, with the added bonus of plenty of impressions from Martha and a Movia Trivia segment th...

Colin and Dennis Creevey: Character Study

11 Oct 2021

Contributed by Lukas

The Real Weird Sisters are back to discuss a second set of Real Weird Brothers in the Harry Potter series. From attempting to deliver the infamous bun...

Take Five, Take 9: Prisoner of Azkaban, 40:01-45:00

03 Oct 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Alice, Martha, and special guest Shut Up Tim are back for another riddikulus Take Five episode! This five minutes is spent on pretty much one scene, b...

Draco Malfoy: Character Study, Part 6

26 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

It's finally time to "properly eulogize" Draco, as Alice and Martha round out their discussion of his arc in the seventh book. Please consider support...

Draco Malfoy: Character Study, Part 5

19 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Watch where you're sticking those pins, come over to the right side, and listen to our character study on Draco Malfoy in the sixth book! As seven-yea...

Draco Malfoy: Character Study, Part 4

13 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Draco reverts back to his early-series-villain-self in the fifth book, taking his antagonism to new lows as he scripts highly creative lyrics, tries o...

Draco Malfoy: Character Study, Part 3

02 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

OH NO YOU DON'T, LADDIE! It's time for Draco's arc in the fourth book! From his short but glorious experience as a ferret to his love of Blast-Ended S...

Draco Malfoy: Character Study, Part 2

30 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

This podcast has gone to the dogs as Alice and Martha analyze Draco in the third book. It might not be a Madam Hooch character study, but there's stil...

Take Five, Take 8: Prisoner of Azkaban, 35:01-40:00

22 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

HEH! WOOOOO!!! It's time for another joyride through Alfonso's magnum opus. Returning guest Shut Up Tim is back, and so is Bem, back with another gloo...

Molly Weasley: Character Study, Part 2

16 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha discuss everyone's favorite supermom, Molly Weasley, and her arc in the last four books. Molly may have many rivalries in these four ...

Take Five, Take 7: Prisoner of Azkaban, 30:01-35:00

02 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Recurring guest Shut Up Tim returns to once again attempt to shed light on the way Alfonso's beautiful, dark twisted mind works. In this five minutes,...

Hermione Granger: Character Study, Part 6

01 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha round out their conversation about Hermione, discussing her arc in the seventh book. With the infamous beaded bag and her quick think...

Hermione Granger: Character Study, Part 5

26 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha continue their study of Hermione, who (believe it or not) is the best student in Harry's year, this time focusing on her arc in the s...

Hermione Granger: Character Study, Part 4

18 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha are back to continue their discussion of Hermione, covering her arc in the fifth book. You might remember this as the book when Hermy...

Hermione Granger: Character Study, Part 3

12 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha kick off the remainder of their series about Herm-oh-ninny, with Part 3 very logically covering Book 4. This is going to be a bit of ...

Take Five, Take 6: Prisoner of Azkaban, 25:01-30:00

04 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Recurring guest Shut Up Tim returns for the next five minutes of Alfonso's magnum opus, in which the trio gets settled at Hogwarts for the year. Micha...

Archie and Hassan Mostafa: Character Study

27 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

There's more than enough to talk about with this groundbreaking double character study! Archie and Hassan Mostafa have lots in common, from their inte...

Take Five, Take 5: Prisoner of Azkaban, 20:01-25:00

21 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

The Real Weird Sisters are joined again by recurring guest Shut Up Tim. In addition to analyzing an important five minutes, filled with frog puppets, ...

Amos Diggory: Character Study

14 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

It's time to discuss another unique and creative side character, Amos Diggory! From his relationship with his SON! to his rivalry with Harry and his c...

Take Five, Take 4: Prisoner of Azkaban, 15:01-20:00

06 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

It's time for the next five minutes of Prisoner of Azkaban - we're flying through this movie as fast as all of the MVBs ! Shut Up Tim is back for anot...

Bill Weasley: Character Study

30 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha put on their fang earrings and dragon skin boots, even if that means they won't be attending a rock concert any time soon. There's no...

Take Five, Take 3: Prisoner of Azkaban, 10:01-15:00

23 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

The Real Weird Sisters are joined again by recurring guest Shut Up Tim to review what is quite possibly the worst five minute chunk of Prisoner of Azk...

Sorting Hat: The Circle (US Season 2)

19 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

In this crossover episode, The Real Weird Sisters (Alice and Martha) are joined by special guests Mary Kwiatkowski (@FrailMary), Sarah Carradine (@sar...

Arthur Weasley: Character Study, Part 2

16 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha discuss Arthur Weasley in the fifth, sixth, and seventh books. If you have time to listen to this episode later, Molly’s making mea...

Arthur Weasley: Character Study, Part 1

10 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha discuss Arthur Weasley in the second, third, and fourth books. From his love of eclectricity to his vast knowledge of the Wizarding W...

Take Five, Take 2: Prisoner of Azkaban, 05:01-10:00

02 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

The Real Weird Sisters and Tim discuss everything about minute 5:01 TO minute 10:00 of Prisoner of Azkaban. Dudley watches two television sets simulta...

Vernon Dursley: Character Study, Part 2

25 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha won't be whistling "Tiptoe Through the Tulips" on this episode, but there's still plenty to laugh at in this discussion of Uncle Vern...

Take Five, Take 1: Prisoner of Azkaban 00:00-05:00

18 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

The Real Weird Sisters sit down with Shut Up Tim to discuss the first five minutes of the Prisoner of Azkaban movie, kicking off a new regular Real We...

Frank Bryce: Character Study

11 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Dig a gnarled finger into your ear and get ready to listen to this week's show, which is all about Frank Bryce, his imaginary wife, and his very real ...

Sirius Black: Character Study, Part 5

05 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

It's officially eulogy time, because Sirius did not choose to say "Hello, Sir Nicholas!" after all. Alice and Martha discuss Sirius's legacy after his...

Sirius Black: Character Study, Part 4

29 Mar 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Though it's not quite time to *properly* eulogize Sirius yet, Alice and Martha delve into Sirius's death scene, the consequences of his "recklessness,...

Sirius Black: Character Study, Part 3

21 Mar 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha discuss Sirius in the first half of the fifth book, as he walks the line between father figure and friend to Harry and heads toward h...

Sirius Black: Character Study, Part 2

14 Mar 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Though most of his interaction with Harry is via owl post in the fourth book, Sirius begins to take on a very important role, as a mentor, confidant, ...

Sirius Black: Character Study, Part 1

08 Mar 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Snuffles, Stubby Boardman, Padfoot, the Grim... whatever you call him, there's plenty to discuss when it comes to Sirius Black. Alice and Martha break...

Scabbers: Character Study

22 Feb 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Squeak squeak! It's time to discuss the most notorious rat of the series, Ron's absolutely darling pet, Scabbers. He might have died and you wouldn't ...

Crookshanks: Character Study

15 Feb 2021

Contributed by Lukas

This episode is all about CATS (and kneazles)! Alice and Martha finally pay homage to Crookshanks, the Real Weird King! From his sneakoscope abilities...

Severus Snape: Character Study, Part 2

08 Feb 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Crack open a nice cold Snapel and settle in for our second conversation about everyone's favorite bat-like professor. From his love of the very old an...

Rolanda Hooch: Character Study

31 Jan 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Listeners, start your engines, because you're about to get.... HOOCHED! Alice and Martha analyze everything Madam Hooch does best, from blasting her w...

Minerva McGonagall: Character Study, Part 1

25 Jan 2021

Contributed by Lukas

At long last, Alice and Martha discuss Queen McGonagall in the first book! A no-nonsense nurturer who would never think of tackling a full-grown mount...

Rubeus Hagrid: Character Study, Part 3

18 Jan 2021

Contributed by Lukas

It's time to talk about *Professor* Hagrid, who is as natural and gifted at teaching as he is with magical creatures. Yes, everything's great when it ...

Neville Longbottom: Character Study, Part 2

10 Jan 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Care for a game of Exploding Snap? NO, we don't either. And watch where you sit - Crookshanks might already be there! But for as many cringeworthy mom...

Sybill Trelawney: Character Study, Part 1

04 Jan 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Though the inner eye does not see upon command, this episode is sure to be one of the best character studies yet, as Alice and Martha discuss Professo...

Remus Lupin: Character Study, Part 1

28 Dec 2020

Contributed by Lukas

It is time to discuss Remus John Lupin in the third book! This is sure to be quite some episode... even if Alice and Martha forget to mention that par...

Fred and George Weasley: Character Study, Part 1

21 Dec 2020

Contributed by Lukas

It's time to talk about everyone's favorite pair of (non-interchangeable) twins! Besides discussing Gred and Forge in the first three books, Alice and...

Stan Shunpike: Character Study

14 Dec 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Yet another extremely unique (at least 3 stars) and important character to discuss this week! Alice and Martha analyze Stan Shunpike, the youngest Min...

Marge Dursley: Character Study

07 Dec 2020

Contributed by Lukas

From her canonical unrequited love of Colonel (pronounced phonetically) Fubster, to her devotion to dear old Ripper and her darling neffy poo, Aunt Ma...

Fawkes: Character Study

30 Nov 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha pay tribute to Fawkes, who really is a wondrous bird! Plus, Alice has some realizations about phoenixes, and Martha explains the hist...

Moaning Myrtle: Character Study

23 Nov 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Hopefully Olive Hornby isn't listening to this episode, or she might have to renew her restraining order, because Alice and Martha are joined frequent...

Aragog: Character Study

16 Nov 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Mosag's husband, Aragog, is the topic of conversation this week, even if Martha's impression isn't quite what it use to be. (Or maybe it's exactly as ...

Cornelius Fudge: Character Study

09 Nov 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Put on your lime green bowler hat and your purple boots and settle in for a nice buttered crumpet and an episode about one of the worst Ministers of M...

Tom Riddle: Character Study

02 Nov 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha discuss the world's creepiest child, "Cotton-Eyed Tom" Riddle! Plus, Martha reveals a new childhood memory and Miss Hepzibah makes a ...

Percy Weasley: Character Study, Part 1

25 Oct 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Whether he's advising Harry on which electives to take or polishing his Prefect's badge, Percy is well on his way to a meteoric rise to power by the e...

Ernie Macmillan: Character Study

18 Oct 2020

Contributed by Lukas

He may not be as skilled at Apparition or Potions as he would like, but he was one of Alice and Martha's main inspirations for staring the Character S...

Hermione Granger: Character Study, Part 2

11 Oct 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha resume their discussion of Hermione, covering her arc in the third book. From her relationship with Ron to her time (turner) manageme...

Cuthbert Binns: Character Study

04 Oct 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha drone on and on this week about Professor Binns, in a tone that is guaranteed to cause drowsiness within ten minutes! Listeners, plea...

Nearly Headless Nick: Character Study

27 Sep 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Well hellooooo, Sir Nicholas! Helloooo!! Alice and Martha are back to discuss one of Hogwarts' most notorious ghosts, Nearly Headless Nick. He may not...

Rubeus Hagrid: Character Study, Part 2

20 Sep 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha discuss Hagrid's development in the second book, from his being framed (twice) for opening the Chamber of Secrets, to his relationshi...

Gilderoy Lockhart: Character Study

13 Sep 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Peskipiksi Pesternomi! Alice and Martha giggle about Lockhart and his charming ways on this week's episode. After all, they are just silly girls like ...

Ron Weasley: Character Study, Part 2

07 Sep 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha resume their discussion of Ron, this time focusing on his *extremely unusual* fear of spiders, his impressive driving skills, and his...

Lucius Malfoy: Character Study, Part 1

30 Aug 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Though Lucius's role in the beginning of the series is mostly behind the scenes, we get a clear picture of who he is through his parrot, Draco. If you...

Molly Weasley: Character Study, Part 1

23 Aug 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Car gone! No note! Alice and Martha discuss the bad cop of the Weasley family, supermom Mrs. Weasley. She may be a bit strict, but we can't think of a...

Dobby: Character Study, Part 1

17 Aug 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Put on your mismatched socks and tea cozy, because it’s time to talk about everyone’s favorite elf! From new theories about how his friendship wit...

Dudley Dursley: Character Study

09 Aug 2020

Contributed by Lukas

It's time to talk about Dinky Diddidums, Ickle Diddikins, Aunt Marge's Neffy Poo, or, as most know him, "Big D." He may be too busy to join Alice and ...

Lord Voldemort: Character Study, Part 1

02 Aug 2020

Contributed by Lukas

He may be only *smoke and vapor! smoke and vapor!* but Lord Voldemort still has a large presence in the first four books--hence the two hour podcast! ...

Firenze: Character Study

27 Jul 2020

Contributed by Lukas

It's time to stop horsing around once and for all, and to finally have a serious conversation about the number one Hogwarts hottie, Firenze! He may no...

Neville Longbottom: Character Study, Part 1

20 Jul 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha discuss their hottest, most original takes on poor, blundering Neville in the first three books. He may be worth twelve of Malfoy, bu...

Albus Dumbledore: Character Study, Part 2

12 Jul 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Alice and Martha return to their discussion of Dumbledore's questionable decision-making, from his hiring Lockhart, to his keeping Hogwarts open durin...

Hermione Granger: Character Study, Part 1

06 Jul 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Most of the Real Weirdos so far haven't got an ounce of logic, but oooh, Harry, it's finally time to talk about a female character! Martha and Alice a...

Oliver Wood: Character Study

28 Jun 2020

Contributed by Lukas

It's time to discuss Wood, who is not a cane to be used on Harry, but a ruddy good keeper who goes on to play for Pride of Portree (nah, it was Puddle...

Draco Malfoy: Character Study, Part 1

22 Jun 2020

Contributed by Lukas

It's time to discuss another unproblematic hero of the series! Alice and Martha discuss Draco's sweet disposition and his inclusive value system, as t...

Severus Snape: Character Study, Part 1

15 Jun 2020

Contributed by Lukas

The two biggest Snape stans / apologists convene to praise this amazing, heroic character! Alice and Martha discuss Snape's vast repertoire of talents...