The 2026 Fantasy Football Take Purge
episodePreviously titled “The 2026 Fantasy Football Football Take Purge” — renamed by the publisher on Sep 7, 2026
Transcript
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What is the Take Purge and why do the hosts feel the need to cleanse their thoughts?
Welcome to the 2026 annual Take Purge. My name is Danny Heifetz, and I am joined by two men ready to cleanse their souls, Danny Kelly and Craig Horlbeck. Men, are you ready to embark upon a journey of catharsis? I need to be cleansed.
I'm nervous. I'm a little scared, but I'm also ready. You should be scared.
There's a lot in here that I want to be out there.
Right. I can't wait to feel lighter. We are going to embark on an incredible journey together. But first, an incredibly natural, well-timed advertising break.
Do it again.
Give me one
more. Smoother and lower voice.
But first, a very natural ad
break. Not whispering. Just... Just be like, but
first, a really awkward ad break. But first... an awkwardly timed ad break. So while everyone is running four trade analyzers before offering a backup tight end, Verizon said one plan, one price. Sometimes the simplest move is the best one, like the simplicity plan. Head to verizon.com today. For new customers who switch to Verizon, $30 per line includes auto pay and switch discount. Additional taxes, fees, and terms apply. DK, you always get nervous for the take perch. Why is that?
There's a lot of pressure on making sure you get the right takes out. Sometimes the takes themselves are a little bit scary, just to even say them.
Even within the confines of the Purge, which is like Severance, what happens inside the Purge is not who you are outside of the Purge. You don't remember what happens inside the Purge. That's exactly right. I don't know what I've ever said in there. Was it bad?
I
couldn't tell
you. I mean, look, there's just all this prep, all this research,
just a lot of intrusive thoughts.
There's a weight on my shoulders right now. I need to get that off my shoulders.
Unwanted ideation. Can you imagine if we had to carry these things with us, just walk around with them every day and didn't have an outlet at some point?
What I'm most worried about is my professional credibility being at risk, which is why we invented the take purge so that my sterling reputation as an NFL analyst won't be jeopardized. For
you specifically,
because
you set the bar extremely high.
Yes. The highest,
maybe.
I would maybe agree with you. So it's nice that we have this opportunity to get these intrusive thoughts off.
Oh, my God.
This is not a test. This is your emergency podcast system announcing the commencement of the annual Take Purge. At the siren, all takes, including things you don't actually believe, will be legal for 60 continuous minutes. No players, coaches, or media members of any kind will be granted immunity. All rational thought, logic, and professional credibility will be suspended. The Ringer Podcast Network thanks you for your participation. May our Take God, Chris Sims, be with you all.
Ah! Whoa.
It's purge time, baby. Wow. Don't worry, we're not going to do, we're not going to give our takes with these masks on. We're not doing the whole pod. That'd be bad audio. For those
watching on Netflix and Spotify, we do actually have the giant weird mask that they have. I'm going to take it off.
I have no idea what it
sounds
like. It's time. We're here.
We're on the clock. I feel like I've been asleep for 364 days. and I finally awoken like Ripley in Alien after a 53-year sleep. Yeah.
Why don't you bat off here, Craig? I feel like you're just itching. Your soul looks heavy. You got to get something off your chest. I
think Brock Bowers is the most overrated pick in fantasy this year. Goddamn. And we're all just going way too hard on this
shit. I just heard a bang in the other
room. That was Austin hitting the ground. We talk about Brock Bowers' rookie season like he's fucking Randy Moss in 2007. Yeah. My guy had 1,100 yards and five touchdowns. He caught a lot of passes. He averaged 12 fantasy points a game. Let's all settle down. If you include wide receivers and tight ends in 2024, his rookie season, he was the wide receiver slash tight end 22. He's the 22nd highest rated guy. And we're all like, oh, Clint Kubiak's coming. This is going to be awesome. Clint Kubiak throws the ball way less than the Raiders did.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the Take Purge and why do the hosts feel the need to cleanse their thoughts?
0:20–12:07
2
Why do the hosts consider Brock Bowers the most overrated rookie tight end for 2026?
12:07–23:15
3
How do the hosts evaluate the Titans’ chances and the impact of their free‑agency moves?
23:15–33:00
4
Why do the hosts predict a 12‑game season for the Steelers and a playoff win for Mike McCarthy?
33:00–41:53
5
What concerns do the hosts have about the 49ers’ Australia game and its effect on the team’s routine?
41:53–52:36
6
Why do the hosts argue that plastic‑bag shaming is misplaced compared to larger environmental issues?
52:36–1:02:38
7
How do the hosts justify magicians as overlooked cultural icons and why do they love David Blaine?
1:02:38–1:11:06
8
What 80s songs do the hosts recommend for the ‘80s month’ and how do they define the era?
1:11:06–1:18:45
Speakers
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