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The School of Greatness

Why You Keep Attracting the Wrong Person | Matthew Hussey

19 Dec 2025

Transcription

Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.

Chapter 1: What hidden patterns keep you stuck in unfulfilling relationships?

3.845 - 53.648

Loman loppuminen ja pakkaaminen voi tuntua ikävältä. Jopa niin ikävältä, että laukkujen kasaaminen oven eteen tuntuu hyvältä ajatukselta. Säärebori. Lomia, joiden et soisi loppuvan. Welcome back, everyone, to the School of Greatness.

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53.688 - 58.033 Matthew Hussey

Very excited about our guest. We have the inspiring Matthew Hussey in the house. My man.

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58.013 - 82.047 Matthew Hussey

good to see you brother it's good to see you i'm excited man this is this is our first ever interview in the i don't know i don't know what i'm gonna call this yet the greatness basement i don't know what this is the the uh something like that you know i like it it's very cozy yeah it's nice right yeah yeah so welcome to my home and to my home studio very excited about this

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82.027 - 95.012 Lewis Howes

It's so nice to be, I always think it's funny speaking to you like this because we have, for every one conversation we have on the air, so to speak, we have like 200 off.

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Chapter 2: How does vulnerability differ from sharing your hero's journey?

95.172 - 95.593 Lewis Howes

So many.

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95.793 - 103.528 Matthew Hussey

We travel the world together at different things. We've been all over the place together. We've known each other for what? I don't know, eight or nine years, maybe?

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103.508 - 106.713 Lewis Howes

You think? Yeah, long time. It must be 10, closer to 10. 10 years.

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106.733 - 107.234 Matthew Hussey

It's crazy.

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Chapter 3: Why do we attract partners who mirror our insecurities?

107.975 - 108.536 Matthew Hussey

Closer to 10.

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109.056 - 118.13 Lewis Howes

And it's fun because for me, I get to see you like, I get to step back into your world where you're a master and just watch you experience you doing your thing.

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118.15 - 135.655 Matthew Hussey

You see me doing this with you every time we hang out. We're just asking each other questions and trying to understand the meaning of life. Yeah. how we've ruined ourselves in previous relationships and why we put ourselves in these situations, which is what I'm excited to talk about because you've got a new book you've been working on for really 10 years since your last book.

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136.036 - 158.338 Matthew Hussey

This is called Love Life, How to Raise Your Standards, Find Your Person, and Live Happily No Matter What. not happily ever after, which is pretty cool. And you and I are now finally in healthy, cautious, loving, abundant relationships that bring us a lot of joy and peace. But we went through different challenges of trying to discover who we are,

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Chapter 4: What steps can you take to stop using 'magic tricks' in dating?

159.061 - 170.304 Matthew Hussey

how we can build ourselves up to really attract and learn how to choose the right person for us. It took us both a long time, but we did it. So congratulations.

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170.324 - 179.141 Lewis Howes

Congratulations. Yeah, you were, of course, at my wedding to Audrey or with Audrey back at the end of last year, which is amazing.

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179.161 - 205.598 Matthew Hussey

It's amazing, man. And so what I want to ask you about today is how do we become the person that we need to be to attract the right person in a relationship to become happily happy no matter what? And I think a lot of the things I want to talk about today is one, becoming the person you need to be to attract the right person. What do we need to do to become that person?

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205.658 - 209.766 Matthew Hussey

However, when you become that person, you create a lot of opportunities.

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Chapter 5: How can silence and honesty improve your dating experience?

210.247 - 220.506 Matthew Hussey

You start to attract a lot of interesting people in your life when you become more of a high value human being, right? When you build your confidence, when you develop

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220.486 - 237.863 Matthew Hussey

clearer boundaries and values for yourself, when you're taking care of your health, when you're clear on your mission or the career you want to go after, when you're full of love and energy and passion, you start to become very attractive. You attract a lot of opportunities. It's almost like people just reach out to you and say they want to go out with you.

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237.883 - 254.526 Matthew Hussey

They'll message you online like this will just start to unfold. when you really take care of self first. So that'll be step one. How do you build yourself up to attract the ultimate person for you and your future self? And then step two, how do you

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Chapter 6: What does it mean to rewire your nervous system for better relationships?

255.94 - 274.937 Matthew Hussey

in a sea of opportunities of individuals that are now in front of you because you have developed yourself as a high-value human for a relationship, how do you know when to choose and who to choose when there could be so many great people in front of you that you might be dating or meeting?

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274.997 - 298.371 Matthew Hussey

How can you actually make the choice that you know is going to be great for you for the next 10, 20, 50 years potentially in an intimate relationship? That's part two. And also, I wanna ask you, you've coached, I don't know, hundreds of thousands of women online through your coaching program, your live events, millions in your social media, in your YouTube.

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299.032 - 321.928 Matthew Hussey

And I'm also curious, have you ever met women who have been in multiple relationships at the same time, who are actually happy and fulfilled with their life. I'm gonna ask you that as well later. So have you ever met women who are like, I'm in an open relationship, I've got four boyfriends and one main boyfriend, and my life is amazing over a span of five, 10, 20 years?

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322.129 - 325.754 Matthew Hussey

I don't even know if that's possible. So curious, I'm gonna wait for you to answer that one.

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Chapter 7: How do you choose the right partner among many options?

325.794 - 331.763 Matthew Hussey

But first off, how do we become the person we need to be to attract the right person for us in love?

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333.076 - 374.153 Lewis Howes

I want to challenge first the idea that when we become the person that we want to need to become in order to attract the love that we want, that we attract many more people. Oh. Because... My experience has been that often in order to attract what you really need, you have to give something up. And often the thing that you have to give up is the kind of attention that you have been used to.

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379.6 - 388.117 Lewis Howes

We all have our favorite way of getting attention in life. Our thing, our trick. Our thing, yeah. It's like our magic trick.

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Chapter 8: What advice would you give your younger self about love?

388.257 - 389.119 Lewis Howes

What's our magic trick?

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389.139 - 398.556 Matthew Hussey

I got a six pack. Let me be shirtless and post that. I make a lot of money. Let me show the money that I have in certain ways. Or I'm funny. Let me be funny or whatever it is, right?

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398.656 - 421.659 Lewis Howes

That's exactly right. And that becomes our kind of known way of guaranteeing a certain level of attention. And different people can do it to different degrees. You know, some people have a very easy time getting attention. Other people have a hard time getting attention. But the principle... holds across people. We have our favorite way of getting attention.

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421.679 - 446.125 Lewis Howes

And like you said, for some people it's physical, for some people it's their sense of humor, for other people it's their achievements in life. And we tend to display the thing that we know guarantees us a certain level of attention. And that often becomes the thing that we end up complaining about because while it works to get us attention, we often resent

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446.105 - 479.065 Lewis Howes

in the end, the kind of attention we're getting. I don't want people who just think that I am funny and don't really see me for who I am. That robs me of a real connection. I don't want someone who just wants me for my looks or... Just wants me for sex or just wants me because I earn a lot of money. So we we end up resenting the situation that in some way we construct for ourselves. And.

479.045 - 511.785 Lewis Howes

And at a certain point, it becomes about deciding what we really want. What's the thing I'm trying to get? Am I trying to serve my ego in love or am I trying to serve my soul? Am I trying to... you know, have quantity or am I trying to have quality of connection, of love, of teamwork? You know, what is it I'm really looking for? And I think because a lot of us haven't truly decided that,

511.765 - 518.637 Lewis Howes

we are still doing the thing that gets us the easiest or most obvious result, the one we know how to get.

518.657 - 528.154 Matthew Hussey

So we're still going broad of trying to get like a lot of attention from as many people as possible as opposed to focusing on being intentional about the type of person we want to attract.

528.218 - 549.226 Lewis Howes

Yeah, exactly. And by the way, the person, some people listening to this might not relate to using their, you know, magic trick to, and of course it's not a trick. It's that that thing you're showing may be a very attractive quality that you have. But it's not all of you. And you don't necessarily want to bring someone in just on that thing.

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