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The Second Captains Podcast

Ep 3536: Ifs, Buts, and LBJ's Nuts- 27/04/26

27 Apr 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: What if Robert Sanchez hadn't been able to buy Chelsea some breathing space?

2.579 - 44.409 Unknown

It's the second time it's gone up. They never go home. They never go home. They never go home, those boys. That's... Yeah. They have asked for that, really. You can laugh. You can walk up. I'm a little bit of an idealist, but having said that, I want to be like me. It's around this time of the Premier League season they start looking ahead to the final day.

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44.869 - 56.722 Ken

Is there going to be a title race on the line? Will the Champions League race be like? Will we get to taste the tears of a team that gets relegated Right at the death. The answer to all those questions at the moment is... Maybe. Welcome to the pod. Hey, guys.

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57.242 - 58.164 Owen

Owen, how are you?

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58.184 - 75.651 Ken

I'm pretty confident the title race will go to the final day. So that should be good. Yeah, yeah. Champions League, that depends entirely on what Aston Villa do. Their defeat at Fulham at the weekend drops them into fifth. If they stay there, which they probably will, and win the Europa League, which they could do...

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75.631 - 91.672 Ken

That would mean, as Ken has explained, sixth place would also qualify for next season's Champions League, opening up an unseemly scramble over the next few weeks between basically every other team in the league that's not in relegation trouble. Brighton are in sixth and 50 points. Come on, Palace! Palace? Murph, Brighton are in sixth and 50 points.

Chapter 2: What are the implications of the Premier League title race?

91.692 - 111.479 Ken

Certainly if Palace had won at the weekend. So Brighton are in 50. There are five teams within three points of that. So from seventh down to 11th are within three points of Brighton. And Sunderland and Palace in 12th and 13th are only four points behind Brighton. I'm giving Palace a win in their game in hand there. Yeah. Against Man City. So relegation could be a two horse race.

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111.559 - 127.6 Ken

Oh yeah, think about that. Relegation could be, let's maybe write Palace out, okay? We'll go down to Sunderland at an absolute stretch, who just got beaten 5-0 by Nottingham Forest at home. Let's take it, okay, I'm seventh down to, who's in 11th there? Everton. Everton are the final team with a chance again. So relegation could be a two horse race between Spurs and West Ham.

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Chapter 3: How is the Champions League race shaping up this season?

127.62 - 132.587 Ken

But if both of them keep winning, like they did the weekend, then they could still drag Forest and Leeds back into it.

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132.567 - 155.908 Ken

Newcastle Newcastle are 14th I think they're kind of the only team in the league except the relegated ones that are on the beach well they're sort of they're kind of stuck in the middle there with nothing real 42 points if they keep losing could they get relegated it's a strong relegation battle this year normally 32 points in the last few years would have you close to Newcastle are playing Forest and West Ham okay Newcastle are definitely bang in trouble there

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156.192 - 172.515 Ken

That is unbelievable. So it's all shaping up nicely. The relegation or the Champions League one is just totally dependent on what happens with Villa and their finishing position. If it's a race for fifth, that race is basically done. So we'll just have to see. Brentford can make a mark in that race for sixth if they beat Man Utd at Old Trafford tonight.

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172.756 - 198.489 Ken

Champions League semi-finals this Tuesday and Wednesday as well. So a big week of football coverage on the World Service. Secondcaptains.com. Five euro a month plus VAT if you're not already a member. Well, Owen, the FA Cup, were you watching it this weekend? I watched a good bit of the Southampton game. What about Chelsea-Leeds? I watched some of Chelsea-Leeds. The beginning?

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199.09 - 226.24 Ken

Did you see marching on together? Can I say, I was with the two-year-old for a lot of it. So, you know, it was on. You weren't watching Marching On Together. No. There was a wonderful spot by one of our Irish journalistic colleagues as the camera panned over the Leeds fans singing Marching On Together. None other than former FAICO Jonathan Hill. That's who that was.

226.48 - 243.443 Ken

You sent that on and I honestly was like... You would wipe Jonathan Hill from your memory box. If he was sitting in the Abbottstown press conference room with some FAI insignia behind him and talking away, I'm like, that's Jonathan Hill. Okay, so stripped of context. Yeah, stripped of context, just roaring his head off for Leeds.

243.724 - 249.852 Unknown

I knew he was the guy I was supposed to know, but I have to say Jonathan Hill, he did escape my memory.

249.899 - 276.868 Ken

Yeah, a disappointing day in the end for Jonathan Hill and Leeds as Chelsea got it together. I think it would have been different if Brendan Aronson had scored that chance. He had a one-on-one chance after a few minutes where it looked... I assumed he was going to score, actually. Not necessarily because I think Aronson is a 100% lethal finisher. Just...

276.967 - 278.489 Unknown

It's the sort of thing that had happened to Chelsea.

Chapter 4: What happened during the Chelsea vs. Leeds match?

633.417 - 652.77 Ken

You've gone beyond good and evil here. This is interesting. This is, no, this is wrong. I mean, two wrongs don't make a right. If the player goes off injured, then it's no yellow card. If the player is able to continue, then you get a yellow card. Because otherwise, it's chaos. The mistake here is by Freddie Woodman. It was his fault.

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653.331 - 675.203 Ken

He clutched his knee when he should have been clutching his head. And if he had, there's a chance that he might have got away with it. As it was, Munoz scored the goal. No sportsmanship, but again, nothing wrong with it, really. No gallantry whatsoever. Murph, they should have had you in that IFAB room. All these different rule changes and interpretations.

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675.223 - 682.175 Ken

The one thing they couldn't make any movement on was this exact issue about how do you solve goalkeepers wasting time. You could have just cracked a few heads to get her in there.

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683.157 - 688.787 Unknown

I mean, it goes beyond the goalkeeping. I was speaking more about all...

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688.767 - 693.553 Ken

every player on the pitch, not just goalkeepers. It's been more common with goalkeepers in recent times.

693.573 - 700.943 Unknown

That's interesting. It's hilarious. Like literally the centre half goes in, says, okay, you lie down there for a minute. We'll just get sorted here tactically. And down he goes.

701.083 - 715.041 Ken

They all go for a chat and a drink. It's unbelievable. Yeah. Fark, afterwards, I spoke about it several times. But after a loss, I want to show some class. It would just be seen as excuses. I spoke about what I think should be done, what I think of the behavior, but I don't want to make it a big topic.

715.541 - 737.725 Ken

I would have said a few words about it had we turned the game, but it'll just be he's crying because he loses and I want to show class. Nicely not mentioned by Daniel Farker. It's like the way Arteta didn't mention the red card. He felt, oh, are you getting to that? Okay, Grant, sorry. We haven't forgotten about Arsenal. All right, okay. They're in the title race. Yeah, they are. Callum McFarlane.

739.055 - 761.018 Ken

afterwards. Callum McFarlane back for his second stint as Chelsea manager, Chelsea interim manager. He had a good shot afterwards with Stevie G and Joe Cole. I thought there was an interesting tension in this one actually. It's almost Stephen Gerrard, the playing legend, sort of felt the need almost to show that he was on a tactical par with Callum McFarlane and You know?

Chapter 5: What are the latest developments in the Scottish league?

979.624 - 997.746 Ken

But yeah, the idea of finding space high up the pitch is the hard thing to do. He could always, and midfielders can go back to their centre halves and take the ball and have a little bit of, time and space to whip it around, but to do it up the other end of the pitch, to find the space like that, it was like so good. It's just 10 minutes too early.

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998.366 - 1025.71 Ken

If you'd done that in the 89th minute, that might have been a chance to dream. Well, City brought on the sort of cavalry, Docu scored, Nico Gonzalez scored a great goal, absolutely hammered it in. So we ended up with the expected results. Guardiola really, he really has hit, he's peaking. He really is peaking now as we're going into the final weeks of the season.

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1025.81 - 1046.165 Ken

I mean this sideline performance from him was like up there with the, the absolute highlights of his career. Have you seen any of his? Well, there was a master's cut that I saw, right? Yeah, Reinders, I mean, genuinely, he looked more uncomfortable in that scenario than any other City player has looked.

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1046.306 - 1053.379 Unknown

And I've seen a lot of City players like gazing determinately over Pep's shoulder as he roars in his face.

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1053.399 - 1054.401 Ken

As he kind of rucks them.

1054.641 - 1054.922 Unknown

Yeah.

1054.962 - 1069.15 Ken

He's like, he's rucking these players and screaming and rubbing their face with his palm. Yeah. What is this? If someone got up on my grill to that extent and I still managed to like look over the person doing it to me's shoulder...

1069.771 - 1081.892 Unknown

You know, I wouldn't do it again. I'd be like, okay, this is genuinely making people feel extremely uncomfortable. I should possibly take my face six inches back and try and talk to him in a little bit of a more humane fashion.

1081.952 - 1094.614 Ken

Well, I don't know. It's getting the face in close. We've been talking about this all week. Sometimes it is something about a face really close to your face that makes you pay a lot of attention. You know, you can't ignore it.

Chapter 6: How did the National League title race conclude?

1094.813 - 1098.921 Unknown

Well, they certainly can't ignore it. I mean, I hate anyone who comes into my face like that.

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1099.181 - 1110.342 Ken

I mean, Lyndon Johnson has been haunting this podcast for several days now. Lyndon Johnson came up on the World Service. Ken, you brought him up on the World Service because that's something he liked to do. He liked to loom over his...

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1110.507 - 1122.558 Ken

I was going to say adversaries, just anyone he's having a meeting with, just kind of pin them back onto a table, just keep bending over, keep staring at them until they fall. He got his face right in their face. Yeah. Not to necessarily shout. Actually, you can do it two ways.

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1122.578 - 1138.033 Ken

You can shout right into their face, Ferguson style, or you can almost whisper into their face, just purr into their face, which means they have to demeaningly listen to you. They have to move even closer to you. What's that he's saying?

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1138.013 - 1167.632 Ken

his face is right there I should be able to hear Pep also did an interesting stance which obviously has attracted a lot of interest where he I mean I would I'm thinking of a goal that David Beckham scored against Chelsea in I think it was an FA Cup game and it was a 5-3 win for Manchester United like in 98-99 that kind of era Chelsea were winning and United came back and beat them am I getting mixed up with that Tottenham game no I think

1167.612 - 1169.135 Unknown

Are you thinking even Villa Park?

1169.255 - 1172.18 Ken

Remember Beckham scored... Beckham... No, that was a 95-96.

Chapter 7: What is the significance of sports amidst global challenges?

1172.28 - 1188.287 Ken

I remember that one. Beckham scored a goal in that game when Craig Burley fucked up. Unbelievably, Craig Burley made a massive mistake. You wouldn't think it to listen to him now, but he did make a massive mistake that cost Villa. It was Villa, wasn't it? No, it was... Who were they? Who was the team?

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1188.503 - 1192.554 Unknown

We're wandering far from the point here. No, no. I should know that.

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1192.574 - 1199.654 Ken

Villa were in the other quarter, the other semi-final losing to Liverpool. Manchester United beat, who was Craig Burley's team?

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1200.216 - 1200.597 Unknown

Chelsea.

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1200.777 - 1228.534 Ken

You'll figure, Chelsea. That's exactly right. But in this particular game, Beckham scored and then he kind of went down, he kind of almost, imagine he's got his legs out to the side, his knees are bent, and he's got his hands behind his ears. He's like, listen to that, listen to that, Stamford Bridge. He wouldn't say it in the Xavier Revoir accent.

1228.514 - 1258.754 Ken

but Pep does this kind of stance knees bent like he's almost sticking his arse out a bit in his cream sort of cream khaki slacks you know as though he's loosening his hips he's opening up those hips and trying to loosen them out a bit and he also stands for some time and I don't know was it a problem with the trousers yeah I mean, if you're a leader, you need to be, you need to sit right.

1259.296 - 1283.332 Ken

You know, heavy, heavy lies the head that wears the crown. Heavy, you know, the last thing you want to be thinking about is problems on the other end. Yeah. You know, I mean, Lyndon Johnson, um, Lyndon Johnson also used to urinate in the sink in front of his colleagues. Cabinet. Yeah, he used to take meetings as he sat on the jacks, I believe. So was it only number one? No, it was, no.

1283.352 - 1296.895 Ken

The whole shebang? Yeah, I mean, he... I'm sorry, he would take a shit in the middle of a meeting. Yeah, and he forced people to listen to... So listen or watch? Well, you know, oh, you've got something to say? Well, go on, say it.

1297.145 - 1297.826 Unknown

Please continue.

Chapter 8: How did the recent injuries impact the teams involved?

1507.756 - 1535.781 Unknown

Weave another. Another thing, the crotch down where your nuts hang is always a little too tight. So when you make them up, give me an inch that I can let out there because they cut me. They're just like riding a wire fence. These are almost the best that I've had anywhere in the United States. When I gain a little weight, they cut me under there. So leave me, you never do have much margin there.

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1535.801 - 1548.737 Unknown

Let's see if you can't leave me about an inch from where the zipper ends, around under my, back to my bunghole. So I can let it out there if I need to.

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1550.152 - 1552.894 Ken

That's clear communication.

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1553.135 - 1553.395 Unknown

It is.

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1553.415 - 1566.066 Ken

That is how to communicate. It is. Taylor is completely at his ease. That's Taylor's language, that is. There's no shame here. We all understand that this is... We're trying to make a pair of trousers that work.

1566.126 - 1569.849 Owen

Talk about nuts, fine. The belch in the middle of all that, I think, probably crossed the line.

1569.869 - 1579.618 Ken

Did he say bumhole or bunghole? Bumhole, I think. Bumhole, I think. I think it was. I think it was bumhole. This is important. We all know what he's referring to. But yeah, no, it's quite clear.

1579.598 - 1586.846 Unknown

I think that's some refreshingly clear-cut communication. I wouldn't belch in someone's ear on the phone.

1586.906 - 1609.854 Ken

That's just a... You wouldn't, but maybe that's because you're not cut out to be Lyndon Johnson. Maybe people enjoy that. Do you think the guy told anyone about that conversation? Do you think it became a story that he told time and time again in his life? I think it might have been. I mean, Taylor's spending all his day trying to be super nice to people and put on this front, you know?

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