Show notes
There was a time when I thought success had a very specific look. It came with upgrades; a bigger home, a full calendar, promotions, excess, and maybe, eventually, a kitchen island. It was a life of steady expansion, of always reaching for the next thing. That’s what we’re sold, isn’t it? That progress is linear, tangible, and measurable. That you prove you’re doing well by stacking visible achievements on top of each other like building blocks. Bigger.Better.More.But eventually, I got tired. Not in the “I need a weekend off” kind of way but in a tired in my bones, in my brain and in my soul kind of way. Because the more I chased, the more I realised there was always something else to catch. One more rung on the ladder. One more level up. And it was never enough. The finish line just kept moving.When “Success” Stops Feeling SuccessfulWhat no one really tells you is that conventional success can become its own trap. It looks good from the outside'; shiny, impressive, easy to measure. But it’s often built on a foundation of pressure, pace, and self-abandonment. You start shaping your life around an image that was never actually yours. And one day, you realise that everything you’re chasing is costing you the very things that matter most: peace, presence, clarity, joy.That’s where I found myself. Living a life that looked “on track” but didn’t feel rooted. So I did something unexpected: I stepped off the path.These days, I don’t have a five-year plan or a desire to scale. I don’t have a dream home on my vision board. We live in a small 650 sq ft split level flat and plan to stay here permanently. We grow food in containers on the balcony and out our allotment. My Husband works from home full time, I work from home when I have time, I home educate my children and I say no to things that pull me out of alignment even if they look good on paper.And strangely, in the quiet of all that notchasing, I’ve found the version of success that actually fits me.For me now, success is being able to wake up slowly with my kids. It’s sitting down to lunch without rushing through it. It’s making food from scratch and knowing exactly where it came from. It’s writing words I believe in here. It’s going to bed with a calm nervous system and a full heart. It’s living in integrity with what I value, not with what I’ve been told to value.Letting Go of the Upgrade NarrativeRedefining success has meant releasing the belief that more automatically equals better. And that process is uncomfortable. Because the world doesn’t hand out awards for opting out. People don’t always understand when you say, “We’re not moving, actually.” Or, “No, I don’t want to grow this bigger.” Or, “That’s not the kind of busy I’m interested in”. But I’m not here to live for the applause. I’m here to live a life that feels like mine. Even if it doesn’t look like anyone else’s.There’s this cultural script that tells us we have to move fast to matter and that success is built in speed and hustle. But the more I slowed down, the more I realised that everything I wanted, connection, calm, clarity, was already here. It was just buried under noise.“No”One of the hardest, and most liberating, skills I’ve learned is how to say no. No to opportunities that look shiny but feel off. No to timelines that rush me. No to business tactics that don’t sit right in my gut. No to the idea that my worth is tied to how much I can produce.And that quiet voice that sometimes whispers, shouldn’t you be doing more?I hear it. I thank it. And then I let it go.Success now looks like saying, “This is enough for today.” It looks like resting without guilt. It looks like building a life I don’t need a holiday from.What If This Is Already Enough?The irony is, once I stopped chasing more, life started to feel more abundant. Not because I had more, but because I noticed more and noticed the feeling of being exactly where I’m supposed to be. We’re taught to associate success with expansion. But sometimes the real expansion happens when we choose to stay and when we root into the life we have instead of constantly reaching for something shinier.If you’ve been feeling tired of the chase, I want you to know that you’re not alone. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just waking up to the possibility that different doesn’t mean less. That maybe the life you’re building quietly, without the noise, without the spotlight, is more successful than you think.You’re allowed to want less.You’re allowed to stay small and steady.You’re allowed to redefine success on your own terms and mean it.Because the kind of success that matters isn’t something you climb toward. It’s something you grow into. And if you’re growing slowly and gently, in a way that actually feels like you? This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theslowlivingcollective.substack.com/subscribe