The Upshot

Conor McGregor ruins St Patrick’s Day

20 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Plus: Neymar’s look-alike saves his blushes at an orgy, John Fashanu’s brush with Nigerian cops, and a cricket legend kidnapped in a cocaine deal ...

I got cucked by Biggie Smalls: basketball’s batshit ballers

18 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Basketball’s biggest names ordered gangland hits on their coaches, fought mountain lions with their bare hands, and got cucked by a gun-toting Biggi...

Olympic star named FBI’s Most Wanted

13 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Plus: Cole Palmer’s toilet trouble and something is exploding within Thibaut Courtois.Join Zach and Jack for another edition of Extra Shot, the week...

Dennis Wise: I’ve never seen anyone that drunk

11 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

The 1990s were a very different time for footballers.They chatted up barmaids at the local boozer, welcomed new teammates by torching their cars and b...

Cole Palmer’s steamy sauna revelation

06 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Plus: Kolo and Yaya Toure’s tremendously kinky escort is back and the Putin-backed Scottish chairman who threatens to disappear his captain Joi...

Gazza: dancing naked on the table

04 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

May 1998.England manager Glenn Hoddle is cowering in the wreckage of his Spanish hotel room, surrounded by broken furniture and shards of glass.As ast...

Diego Costa’s Bible bonk

27 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Plus: Jim Ratcliffe starves the youth team and Zelensky deploys Bonnie Blue in the Donbas.Join Zach and Jack for another edition of Extra Shot, the we...

David Icke: a goalkeeper gone gaga

25 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

In his 80s heyday, David Icke was the friendly face of Match of the Day and Grandstand.Then one day, everything changed.The retired goalkeeper stood u...

Mr Bean sparks a bitter sporting feud

20 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Plus: Lucas Paqueta’s miserable birthday present, Lazio’s eagle handler barricades himself in the training ground, and an NFL star sued for breaki...

Danny Cipriani: he is the Cheeky Boy

18 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

He was supposed to be rugby’s next golden boy.But Danny Cipriani’s ravenous appetite for drugs, glamour models and Cheeky Girls made him a noughti...

Iniesta’s secret gun smuggling plot

13 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Plus: Juan Bernabe and his disgraced eagle are back, Derek Chisora is popping pingers at raves and Barcelona’s secret on-pitch messages to Syrian re...

Andy van der Meyde: I craved naked women

11 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

He was the Everton flop with a penchant for £5 lapdances.And off the pitch, the drunken Dutchman was on a wild rampage through Merseyside’s seedy u...

Iker Casillas lost in f*ckland

06 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Plus: The former West Ham star’s £2m museum heist and “blood everywhere” at Nicky Butt’s birthday bash.Join Zach and Jack for another edition...

Eric Cantona: a seedier part of town (part two)

04 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

You might remember Eric Cantona as a philosopher-king with a penchant for kung fu kicks. But there's more. So much more. In 14 glorious years, Ki...

Serie A legend arrested for coke smuggling

30 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Plus: Luke Littler deluged by DMs from Insta hotties, Kyle Walker slides into Berlusconi’s lair, and Donald Trump is drooling over Coleen Rooney.Joi...

Eric Cantona: do not resist the forbidden fruit (part one)

28 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

You might remember Eric Cantona as a philosopher-king with a penchant for kung fu kicks.But there's more. So much more. In 14 glorious years, Kin...

John Terry returns to haunt Wayne Bridge

23 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Plus: Emmanuel Petit condemns his Arsenal coach to death, a Real Madrid legend caught smuggling illegal seafood and a Brazilian star’s bonking calen...

Nick Kyrgios: he banged your girlfriend bro

21 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

With guest Josh Berry (@joshberrycomedy)The world of tennis is filled with highly-strung oddballs. But no one is quite like Nick Kyrgios.The Aussie ma...

Is Jake Humphrey a bellend?

16 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Plus: Pep’s bollocking teenagers, Ray Parlour’s WW2 punditry and Lazio sack their mascot over his penis operation photoshoot.Join Zach and Jack fo...

Maradona the manager: keep on sucking (part 2)

14 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Welcome back to part two of Diego in the dugout.At the end of part one, Maradona had left football behind to wallow in a life of booze, burgers and bo...

Boca Juniors’ syphilis outbreak

09 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Plus: The FA Cup manager keeping crocodiles in his bungalow, Brazil striker Hulk finally marries his niece, and what do Adrian Mutu, Friedrich Nietszc...

Maradona the manager: all the gear but no idea (part 1)

07 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

When you unleash the pure chaos of Diego Maradona in the dugout, it's going to be a wild ride.As a manager, Diego ran over reporters, threatened to ki...

Burglars, bullseyes, and bathtubs of wine: let’s play darts!

02 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Darts was once a humble pub game where tubby punters hustled pensioners for pork scratchings.But in the 1970s, everything changed.As darts went prime ...

Jordan Henderson’s Amsterdam sauna adventures

31 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

You’ve opened your presents, polished off the miserable turkey detritus and your racist aunt has finally gone back to Tarrington St Clement.So treat...

Poison attacks and cannibal scientists: the twisted world of ballet

27 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

The word ballet conjures images of dead-eyed aristocrats peering through tiny binoculars at neurotic gymnasts.But behind the velvet curtain, lies a si...

Drug smuggling wingers and tasered England stars: 2024’s wildest stories

24 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Referees in sex tapes. Neymar slashing his teammate’s tyres. And Cole Palmer’s naked surprise.It’s been a vintage year for sporting scandal.And ...

Liverpool’s coke-fuelled Christmas bash

19 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Plus: A top flight ref drugged by an escort, why Wolves can’t trust their new manager and Hamaroaui and Diallo come face to face at last.Join Zach a...

George Best: where did it all go wrong? (part two)

17 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Welcome to part two of our George Best special.At end of part one, both Best and Man United had sunk into a spiral that would drive them apart.The yea...

Sobbing and screaming at the Pogba witch trials

12 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Plus: Club president gets his secretary pregnant at the Xmas party, Cucurella tanks Puma’s big launch and Jim Ratcliffe cancels Christmas.Join Zach ...

George Best: booze, Bond girls and bust-ups (part one)

10 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

George Best once said: “If I had to choose between scoring from 40 yards at Anfield or shagging Miss World, it’d be a hard choice. Thankfully, I’...

Mesut Ozil’s mugger speaks out

05 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Plus: The Pogba witch trials begin and the teetotal snooker star KO’d by a pre-match spliffJoin Zach and Jack for another edition of Extra Shot, our...

Hulk Hogan: sex, lies and videotape

03 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Laaaaadiiiiiies and gentleman, From Tampa, Florida. Weighing in 302lb. The fiiiiiive time WWF champion. Serial adulterer, steroid addict and sex ...

Yet another David Coote scandal

28 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Plus: Mauro Icardi's bonking his barrister, Nottingham Forest owner charged with a violent crime and the World champ boxer kidnapping nerds to carry o...

Jack Grealish: the best thing since sliced veg

27 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

It’s 8am in Tenerife. A hungover tourist is peeling his face off the street as Spanish commuters swerve to avoid him.Little do they know, the semi-c...

Conor McGregor tracks down his teenage tormentors

21 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Plus: Mo Farah hunting muggers, yet another BBC dirty dog, and the gory details of Eddie Jones’ reign of terror.Join Zach and Jack for another editi...

Mike Tyson: I’ll eat your children (part 3)

20 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

From threatening to devour Lennox Lewis’ children to coked-up Hollywood cameos, join us for the third and final part of the Mike Tyson story.With gu...

Mike Tyson: end of an eara (part two)

19 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

1991. After a shock defeat to Buster Douglas, Mike Tyson goes off the rails.And things are about to get much darker…With guest Will Richards.Links f...

Refs on the sesh and Des Lynam’s saucy past

14 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Join Zach and Jack for another edition of Extra Shot, our weekly pod spilling the funniest stories in sport this week.Links from the pod:The David Coo...

Mike Tyson: the scariest man on the planet (part one)

12 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

The year is 1977. An 11-year-old Mike Tyson is high on acid, terrorising the people of Brooklyn with a world war one bayonet.Little did they know, thi...

Jar Jar Bonks: Episode III

07 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Is Jarrell Quansah the horniest man in the Prem? An investigation.Plus: Frank Lampard is the face of crystal meth and Ruben Amorim gets his first tast...

Erik Ten Hag: the damned United

05 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Since Alex Ferguson retired, Old Trafford has been a graveyard for Europe’s top coaches.Mourinho. Van Gaal. Rangnick.But when Erik Ten Hag strapped ...

Vinicius Junior’s sad 7am sesh

31 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Plus: Liverpool youngster propositions pornstars, bent Ballon d’Or voters and Kobbie Mainoo’s miserable Megabus.Join Zach and Jack for another edi...

Hamraoui Affair: civil war at PSG (pt.2)

30 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

It’s the true crime tale that shook French football.Two midfield rivals. A vicious twilight assault. And a bitter feud that sucked in everyone from ...

Masked hitmen and flings with Eric Abidal: the Hamraoui Affair (pt.1)

29 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

It’s the true crime tale that shook French football.Two midfield rivals. A vicious twilight assault. And a bitter feud that sucked in everyone from ...

Zinchenko’s kitchen nightmares

24 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Plus: David James shatters an 11 year old’s dreams, Kevin Pietersen is barred from an exclusive golf club, and the bent ref exposed by his pet parro...

Wife swapping and pitchers on LSD: baseball’s seedy century

22 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

These days, baseball is ruled by a solemn army of laptop-wielding spreadsheet gurus.But in its glorious heyday, America’s national past-time was a s...

Thomas Tuchel moaning, groaning and barking

17 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Plus: Fergie’s banned from the United dressing room, Man City’s biggest shaggers revealed and Kyle Walker’s naughty neighbour.Join Zach and Jack...

Duncan Ferguson: I knocked the burglar’s teeth out

15 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

He was football’s most terrifying hardman.The Everton legend hospitalised burglars, terrorised German exchange students and was the first footballer...

Celtic striker’s 100 mph police chase

11 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Plus: Bielsa makes Darwin Nunez cry, Conor McGregor banned from the Emirates, and John Arne Riise’s chat-up lines.Join Zach and Jack for another edi...

Jamie Carragher: the Red who lost his head

08 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Sure, Jamie Carragher gobs on children and had a Christmas sex party with Ronald McDonald.But we all lose our heads sometimes... don't we?From hotel r...

Jens Lehmann back in cuffs

03 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Plus: Brooklyn Beckham’s latest brainwave, Glen Johnson shoplifting from B&Q, and a Man City midfielder arrested in Madrid.Join Zach and George ...

Warmongering soldiers and slum landlords: a Champions League preview

01 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

The Champions League is back, and the competition is packed with absolute wrong’uns.Slum landlords. Warmongering paramilitaries. And a man accused o...

Oleksandr Usyk’s Ryanair nightmare

26 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Plus: Jim Ratcliffe turns the axe on the boffins, Daniel Dubois’ terrifying dad, and the FA Cup winner smuggling two tonnes of cocaine.Join Zach and...

Sven-Göran Eriksson: England’s naughty national treasure

24 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Sven-Göran Eriksson.The name alone transports you to an era of WAGs, fake sheikhs, and a national fixation with Wayne Rooney's metatarsal.And today w...

Jermaine Defoe’s backseat rendezvous

19 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Plus: Eamonn Holmes sleeps on Fergie’s sofa, Katie Price scraps with beloved broadcasters, and the meth dealer doing pilates with Reece James…Join...

Kaiser: football’s greatest conman

17 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

They call him the greatest footballer who never played: Carlos Henrique Raposo, aka Kaiser.The Brazilian had a glittering career in the 1980s... witho...

Steve McClaren passes the dutchie

12 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Plus: Wayne Rooney’s on the ciders, Richard Keys is settling old scores and the Old Bill are arresting players on the pitch…Join Jack and George f...

Andre Agassi: meth, mullets and a very mental dad

10 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

**With returning guest Josh Berry.**Not many athletes can win sport’s biggest prizes while in the grips of a crystal meth addiction or weighed down ...

Quincy Promes breaks out the slammer

05 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Plus: Alan Shearer’s trapped in hell, Ben White’s off to fight the Taliban and Gordon Brown’s negotiating transfersJoin Jack and George for anot...

Thomas Gravesen: i’m going to kill you, lad

03 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

You probably remember Thomas Gravesen as a wild-eyed Dane who swapped Goodison for the Galacticos.But off the pitch, he was absolutely insane. Th...

Jermaine Jenas’ sexting scandal

29 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Plus: Remembering Sven, managers on coke and Robbie Earle’s 36 blonde modelsJoin Zach and Jack for another edition of Extra Shot, our weekly pod spi...

Ronaldo: booze, burgers and Brazilian booty

27 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Ronaldo put the naughty in noughties. The gap-toothed genius lived on a diet of booze, burgers and Brazilian booty, and still found time to win t...

Sergio Aguero’s cocaine enquiry

22 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Chelsea in chaos, Nicolas Pepe’s pornstar girlfriend and a Russian chess star poisons her rival mid-gameJoin Zach and Jack for another edition of Ex...

Tuesday Club: Arsenal’s naughty nineties

20 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

The Arsenal dressing room of the 1990s was absolutely mental. It was ruled by a riotous ring of badly-behaved boozers like Tony Adams, Paul Merso...

Mikel Arteta’s dressing room crime spree

15 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Managers caught in brothels, Wayne Rooney’s x-rated team talks, and is Vincent Kompany an absolute bastard?Join Zak Attak ‘n Coopz for another edi...

Jamie Vardy: chat shit get banged

13 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

At 20 years old, Jamie Vardy was playing eighth tier football with an ankle tag on. And at 24, he was still working at a prosthetic limbs factory.Five...

Phil Foden’s ‘out of control’ party

08 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Pole Vaulters doing porn, Neil Lennon’s Bucharest bender and the turd-riddled Seine claims its first victims. It’s another edition of Extra S...

Olive oil orgies and athletes eaten by wolves: the unhinged history of the Olympics

06 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

The year is 776BC. A naked man soaked in olive oil is being flogged senseless after false starting in the pentathlon.Two millennia later, in a sleepy ...

Lamine Yamal’s holiday heartbreak

01 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Ederson’s hissy fit. Trouble in paradise for Lamine Yamal. And “sex marathons” in the Olympic Village.It’s another edition of Extra Shot, our ...

Poolside punch ups and Usain Bolt’s ultra-slow shagging: our guide to Paris 2024

30 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

The Romans wrestled lions, the Victorians forced monkeys to fight dogs. And in the modern era, we tuck into a bit of artistic swimming and preten...

England’s sex scandal epidemic

25 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Multiple shagging rumours about England stars. Patrice Evra’s jail sentence. GB swimming turns saucy. And George debuts his Wimbledon-themed erotic ...

Narco football: cartels, kidnaps and coked-up kickabouts

23 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Colombia is known for many beautiful things. Arabica coffee. Cheap breast implants. Glorious Carribean coast.But in the 1980s, the country was infamou...

‘You’re all murderers’: the sadistic story of the Tour de France

18 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

When you think of cycling, you probably picture lycra-clad lab rats, pumped so full of steroids their blood is congealing into a thick ketchup-like go...

Southgate’s terrifying visitor and Derek Chisora decks a Deliveroo driver

16 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Sadio Mane’s wife graduates from high school. Fans stealing boats. Snack attack at the Tour de France. It’s another edition of Extra Shot, ou...

Naughty Dorty: a semi final special

11 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Love triangles in the French camp. Wife hunting at wet t-shirt competitions. Boozing with the King of Brazzers in Dortmund.Coming to you live from (ne...

Bielsa’s hand grenade and Wimbledon’s simmering sexual tension

09 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Marcelo Bielsa’s violent stand-off with fans. Wimbledon’s simmering sexual tension. Leo Messi giving a wonderkid a bath.It’s a nice, weird set o...

Andy Carroll’s restaurant scrap and Balotelli’s big night out

04 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Join Zach and Jack for the funniest stories from the Euros this week.On the pod today: footballers at Glasto, rockstars in the England camp, and someh...

Boris Becker: the most expensive 5 seconds of my life

02 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

WITH SPECIAL GUEST JOSH BERRY He was the baby-faced megastar who won Wimbledon twice as a teenager.But Boris Becker’s penchant for sex, mansion...

Erling Haaland’s party raided by police

27 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Join Zach and Jack for the funniest stories from the Euros this week.On the pod today: Bradley Wiggins attacks Mickey Mouse at Disneyland, grans gone ...

Gazza: what have you done to my ostrich?

25 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

The year is 1990. Gazzamania is sweeping the nation. And a bewildered ostrich is on the loose at Tottenham’s training ground.The culprit? Paul Gasco...

Cole Palmer’s naked scare and Ronald Koeman’s despicable deed

19 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Are you a good, funny writer who loves sport? We’re hiring a writer for our newsletter and Twitter threads. It’s a paid role - email a sample of y...

Ronaldo’s orgy and Southgate’s bender: our guide to Euro 2024

18 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Bastian Schweisteiger’s hot tub trouble, Declan Rice’s IRA sympathies, and the French star’s penis enlargement.Welcome to our alternative guide ...

PSG poison and Scotland star accidentally decks his own mother

13 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Join Zach and Jack for Extra Shot, our Thursday pod spilling the funniest stories in sport this week.On the pod: Goalkeepers accused of modern slavery...

WAGs gone wild: Baden Baden 2006

11 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

The year is 2006. Borat is breaking box office records. Hips Don’t Lie is number one in the charts. And in the sleepy German spa town of Baden ...

Neymar goes too far and Samuel Eto’o’s mafia revolution

06 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Join Zach and Jack for Extra Shot, our Thursday pod spilling the funniest stories in sport this week.On the pod: Ronaldo’s crying, Messi’s movie d...

Cocaine and chainsaws: German football’s scandalous century

04 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Lurking beneath its slick, modernising image, German football is hiding some dark secrets.In fact, its 21st century has been truly scandalous.From cha...

Phone sex in the Man United boardroom and Jamie O’Hara’s dating disaster

30 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Join Zach and Jack for Extra Shot, our Thursday pod spilling the funniest stories in sport this week.On the pod: The MLS star knocked out by a pro box...

Fergie’s Man United: the scandalous, erotic and surreal inside story

28 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

For 26 seasons, Sir Alex Ferguson was the ruddy cheeked, acid-tounged genius who ruled English football.But behind the trophies and the bollockings, t...

Scott Carson’s 4am scrap and Brazil star marries his own niece

23 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Join Zach and Jack for Extra Shot, our Thursday pod spilling the funniest stories in sport this week.Plus: this week's managerial bloodbath, Klopp com...

Jose Mourinho: one day someone will punch you

21 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Jose Mourinho is so charismatic that John Terry said "I'd leave the pitch in a coffin for him".But he's also a ruthless bastard who threatens ball boy...

Alan Shearer’s sordid surprise and Mbappe’s dressing room bust-up

16 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Join Zach and Jack for Extra Shot, our Thursday pod spilling the funniest stories in sport this week.On the pod: Chinese spies recruiting horny Englan...

Tyson Fury: ya big dosser

14 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Tyson Fury eats hedgehogs, masturbates 7 times a day and warns opponents about his tiny dick.And those are the least weird things about him.As he bids...

Davor Suker caught stealing antiques and snooker champion battered by police

09 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Join Zach and Jack for Extra Shot, our Thursday pod spilling the funniest stories in sport this week.On the pod: Emmanuel Frimpong is the housemate fr...

Dennis Rodman: she put pasta up my butt

07 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Dennis Rodman is a one of a kind, certified, gold-plated, Grade A, unadulterated nutter.He headbutted refs, went on benders with Kim Jong Un and flew ...

England star tasered in Majorca and a thirsty sheikh’s seedy bash

02 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Join Zach and Jack for Extra Shot, our Thursday pod spilling the funniest stories in sport this week.Plus: Monty Panesar in the corridors of power, a ...

Neymar: red knobs and broomsticks

30 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Surprise stabbings. Crazed stalkers. Broomsticks up bums.Neymar's life is like a Netflix drama.From punching Parisians to bankrolling his dad's orgies...

David Haye hunting for hotties and Arda Turan’s secret sex swing

25 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Join Zach and George for Extra Shot, our Thursday pod spilling the funniest stories in sport this week.On the pod: Boxers marrying porn stars, gun-wie...

Rat poison cocktails and flogging false starters: marathon madness

23 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

For most of us, marathon season is a time to hide in the stationary cupboard while Pauline from accounts shakes the tin for her local donkey sanctuary...

Messi fights Mexicans in Miami and Neymar ruins his daughter’s birthday

18 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Join Zachary Sweeney-Lynch (https://twitter.com/zachary_sl) and Jack Rivlin (https://twitter.com/jackrivlin) for Extra Shot, our Thursday pod spilling...

OJ Simpson: he definitely did it

16 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

When you hear the name OJ Simpson, you’ll no doubt recall his famous 1973 NFL season and his supporting role in Naked Gun 2.But did you know he once...