Episode Highlights With Dr. Frank AndersonWhat IFS is and how it differs from other types of therapies His personal trauma history that started at age 6 Why he isn’t a fan of differentiating “big T” and “little t” traumaWhy don’t we need to forgive in order to heal and why he calls it the F-wordHow early childhood experiences with our caregivers can have a strong, lasting impact, even if they aren’t big moments of trauma or abuseMany therapies push forgiveness too early — he recommends healing and then forgivenessNeglect is the silent wound that can be hardest to notice and heal Release the energy and the pain first and then decide about forgiveness When it is ok to choose not to forgive His own shocking experience with forgiveness and his dadForgiveness is setting a prisoner free and realizing the prisoner is yourself It is hard to forgive yourself if you are holding resentment toward another personThe four “Ts” of trauma healing: Thank, Trust, Transform, TakebackReleasing trauma vs. managing trauma How to take back your power after you release traumaOur choice: repeat the pattern, repress it, or heal from itWhen we experience trauma, we experience the feeling of being the victim but also absorb the energy of the perpetrator, and when we have kids, both can show up, so when we feel hurt, we can perpetrate in the way we were perpetrated uponWhen you have an intense reaction, it is about you and not about your kidEvery time we lose it, our kids lose a safe parentResources We MentionDr. Frank Anderson - websiteTo Be Loved: A Story of Truth, Trauma, and Transformation by Dr. Frank AndersonThe Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk M.D.

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“What did the council decide on item 42?” — answered with the speaker and the moment.

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