I apologize. I want to do better, but I need to let my actions speak. Love you guys, sending love and peaaaaaace. https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow
Full Episode
What is so good about making yourself feel worse for something that you already made a mistake on? What is the benefit of that? Today I spiraled into a rock bottom and it happened in a matter of hours, in a matter of minutes, and I am now recovering from it in thought and I am trying to figure things out, but I am convinced that this is my sign to change.
And for a lot of us, maybe we want to change. It is a thought in our minds that sounds good. Oh man, I would love to actually take my finances seriously. Oh man, I would love to get rid of that toxic partner. Oh man, that sounds great. But it sounds great. And the action of change is painful. It is so painful. But if you don't do anything about it, it will repeat.
For a while now, I've been struggling with my routine. I'm someone who really likes having routine. Even though I'm sporadic in the way that I work, I like having some kind of structure I can follow. And that structure began to slowly be destroyed when I got back home to Austin after being in Colorado for a little bit.
And what I found was instead of building my routine up and filling it with things that were interesting and things that I liked and also things I enjoy working on, what I did instead when I got back here was work became the to-do thing and I didn't build any kind of structure to support it. So the first day back, I was kind of like, oh, well, okay, I got a race to make something today.
Then the second day back, the same thing happened, and then the same thing happened, and then the same thing, same thing, same thing. I just didn't give myself any respect. And it wasn't affecting my work. I was able to pull it off. I was like a magician, you know, pulling a bunny out of a hat. Whoa, how'd he do that? But In reality, I was suffering.
In reality, I was being just very disrespectful to myself and I was waiting for the day that it would seep into what I give to you. The Zerky Show fam. Because you are very sacred to me. I care a lot about you. But my actions right now don't show that.
This chair in the corner and the shed don't show that because someone who takes pride in their show, they would make sure that the background was fire. And instead, because of my own volition and my own mismanagement, this is what I'm forced to do. And I am, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. This is not fair to you. But I have an agreement that I come and I make the show.
And I have an agreement that I'd be authentic. At the very least, I try to show that I'm human, man. And I'm going to make a change. Because this is embarrassing for me. I don't feel good about it. And maybe there's something in your life that you know you're having a struggle with, a problem with. And you're telling yourself, I really want to change. I really want to make a difference.
But you just haven't had a moment to where it has affected other people around you or it has affected you really negatively. And I'm urging you to catch yourself before that happens. But for a lot of us, we'll get away with it. So we won't want to catch ourselves because it's working. It's kind of like that habit of procrastination. For me, I could bang out a, you know, 11-page paper in a day.
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