why should we try to be ourselves? what if we aren't our crush's type? isn't life all about changing? yes, but not for other people. "just be yourself" is cliche, but it's also difficult.being genuine isn't easy. it means opening yourself up to criticism and discomfort. but the pay off is being able to live your life in a way that feels real, not like you're having to fit a mold.stop performing for your crush. a real partner will be attracted to you for the person you are. but is only put on display if you truly let it.sending you lots of love and peeeeeeaaaaaaaace!https://stan.store/thezurkieshow
Full Episode
There have been many moments in my life where I have struggled to be genuine. I've struggled to be myself because I knew somebody was watching. It didn't matter who that person was. It didn't matter if it was my crush, my hinged situationship. It didn't matter if it was a family member or someone, I don't know, I didn't even know at all. I had the feeling that somebody was watching me.
I always feel like somebody's watching me. And that's literally how I felt. Because in a good portion of my life, I feel like I have been performing for others. And I also wonder if you have been. Are you performing? Are you putting on an act? I don't know. It's easy to say that, right? But
Oftentimes, we can't even recognize that we're putting on an act because it's so deeply entrenched with who we are. We think that the act that we have put on for other people, that's us. And we get that completely served back to us as if it's a bread bowl from Panera with French onion soup. That's usually my order. Extra cheese. And people say, no, no, this is who you are.
You are the person that is always happy. You are the friend that is always good. You are just the person who makes films. You can't make music. You are just the person who's going to law school. You don't do all of this other creative stuff. You are just the person that I have decided to put in a box. And so what do we do? Like,
What do we do when we know that we are in this box, when we know that people see us a certain way? Well, some of us go against the grain, and some of us really, really rebel against it. We say, that does not define me. I define who I am. And actually, we do. We end up still performing. It's just the performance becomes combative.
It becomes dismissive of the perspective that is trying to be forced upon us or the idea of who we are. And sometimes we do that in a way that's really harmful to us. Maybe we think that we need to change physically. We need to get a certain kind of modification to our personality. or even our body in order to show that, no, I am not like the person you think I am.
But I also think, contrary to that, a lot of us just accept it. We hear that we are a certain kind of person, and we look around and say, well, so many people view me that way. I might as well perform for them. And there is comfort in performing. There is so much comfort in being the person that somebody says you should be.
I've performed more times than I can count in friendships and also in relationships. Oh my God. I have performed so much in relationships. I have felt that I needed to be a certain way to keep my partner. I have felt that I needed to be hyper-masculine and alpha and chin-line chiseled in order to keep a person that, honestly, I just kept around because I didn't want to be alone.
I didn't even like them. I just didn't want to be alone. It really makes you think about why we act the way that we do. And it makes you really ponder if there is a middle ground. Can both be true? Can you accept some of the things that people say about you because you actually believe in them too and they feel genuine and they feel like an extension of who you want to be?
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