do you love yourself? i do, sometimes. but sometimes i don't feel worthy of it. https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow
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No, but why is he glazing himself? You need to glaze yourself. Rewind! You need to glaze yourself. There have been so many moments in my life where I feel as if my lover-boy-ness was disregarded. And it hurt a lot. The truth of the matter, it's made me ask a really important question. Which is, am I worthy of love?
Right off the bat when I look at that, I think of everything that would make me unworthy of love. I think of how I look at myself in the mirror and how sometimes I hate how I look. And I hate the fact that I tell myself I'm going to get into shape and then I binge eat or that I'm going to stay free of watching certain things online that mess up my mental.
And I do it anyways because I disrespect myself. And the truth of the matter is I'm human. I make mistakes. I'm not perfect. I'm the last thing to perfect. I have so many faults. But that's what makes me lovable. The fact that I tell myself I'm going to wake up at 8 a.m. and I wake up at 2 p.m. It happens. It happens. That's what makes me human. I'm always trying my best.
I always want to strive to be someone that I'm proud of. But sometimes I don't feel like I'm worthy of love. And what's even worse is oftentimes things will happen in your personal life that echo this. That falsely echo this. You go on a date with someone and you're hitting it off and you guys are like elite level soulmates or something.
And then all of a sudden the person you're going out with, they start to pull back. And you ask, why are you pulling back? Why are you not... as intimate with me what's going on and they say well it's not you it's it's me and then it's like no it's me something's wrong with me you just don't you don't know you don't know and and it's it's weird And it makes you question if you're worthy of love.
I've had relationships that maybe the other person was being genuine. Maybe something was really going on in their personal life. But it made me feel unattractive, the fact that they no longer wanted to be with me. That something was wrong with me. When maybe something wasn't wrong with me. I'm very critical about my body.
I've gained weight since I was in high school and honestly I've been on a mini weight loss journey. It's been cool to get back in shape. But throughout college I would just destroy my body. Not even with drinking or anything like that. I would destroy it with food. In college, I had the unlimited dining hall pass. And when I would ask myself some nights, am I worthy of love?
And I would tell myself, no, I'm not. I'm a loser and I'm ugly and nobody's ever gonna love me. I would just go and eat like three bowls of Lucky Charms, because who cares? There's no self-respect when you're not lovable. Why would you be deserving of that? Bring on another round of fries and chicken wings until you feel sick. It's a dangerous thing and the truth is I am worthy of love.
I am worthy of it. If it comes from nobody else, it comes from me. I'm worthy of loving myself because what's the point in hating myself? I've already done that. I've done that all of my life and it's gotten me nowhere. It has gotten me literally nowhere. It has made me push people away from me way more.
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