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This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von

#633 - Trevor Wallace

12 Jan 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?

0.031 - 26.848 Theo Von

Here's a question. If you walked into a stash house and found it full of $20 million, how much would you steal? That's the question Matt Damon and Ben Affleck have to answer in Netflix's new movie, The Rip. They play a team of Miami cops alongside Teyana Taylor, Steven Yeun, Catalina Sandino Moreno, Kyle Chandler, and Sasha Kaye, all trying to decide, are they the good guys or the bad guys?

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26.828 - 55.59 Theo Von

This movie is an edge of your seat thrill ride the entire time, keeping you guessing till the very end. Don't miss The Rip, only on Netflix on January 16th. If you missed out on any of the holiday merch, which I get it for sure. It's a busy time. We still have stuff available if you're interested. We've got the Bobby collab and the gang gang collegiate hoodies and the gang totes.

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55.65 - 82.907 Theo Von

You can check it all out and see what speaks to you, if anything, at TheoVonStore.com. And thank you so much for your support. Today's guest is a standup comedian. He's a content creator. He has his own podcast called Stiff Socks and his new tour is happening right now called Alpha Beta Male. You can go check that out. I'm grateful for his return. Today's guest is Trevor Wallace.

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98.581 - 109.904 Trevor Wallace

That's crazy. I'm going to start poaching. I don't give a fuck, dude. I've had people poach me. Mr. Beast is taking some of my guys. Has he really? Yeah, dude. No way. I'm poaching. I don't give a fuck anymore.

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109.924 - 112.45 Theo Von

Mr. Beast took some of your guys. Let's start right there. That's why.

112.49 - 127.197 Trevor Wallace

Mr. Beast. Well, I mean, he hires just the best of the best. And what he does is he'll kind of like – it's not him. It's like people who work under him. just finding all the best people in the industry. And honestly, I don't blame him. Because I've worked with some people that like, the line on the resume is so strong.

127.277 - 143.903 Trevor Wallace

Because you get them in and you're like, this is a very simple thing, this simple edit, you can do this, right? Mock this edit and this edit. And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you get it back. And you just want to be like, You know what? Fuck it. Color in the lines first. Let me see that. Spell your name alphabetically first.

144.464 - 146.589 Theo Von

Yeah, people will put trap beats and shit to your edits.

146.629 - 164.017 Trevor Wallace

But he just takes the best of the best. And like the people in that town, where's Greenville? Greensboro? Maybe. It's near ECU, wherever that one is. Okay. And they got a pirate as a mascot, which 2026, I don't know if you can do that anymore. Greenville. That's true, dude.

Chapter 2: What are the implications of Mr. Beast hiring practices?

292.353 - 297.622 Trevor Wallace

And you're like, I don't know if this is the most. I feel like this is a song for like a high school graduation.

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297.642 - 304.412 Theo Von

Dude, if you're getting kind of shanked down somewhere, I think you got to have the AC on, I feel like.

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304.453 - 308.88 Trevor Wallace

AC on and windows down or like the blinds down. It's too bright in there.

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309.3 - 316.952 Theo Von

Oh, yeah. But then some of the dark, I will say this, having been a user of pornography. You're still off, yeah? I've had some setbacks.

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317.193 - 319.517 Trevor Wallace

Yeah. And what sparked that setback?

320.278 - 339.334 Theo Von

Oh, I'll tell you. Not to trigger anything. No, dude. You triggered something that night. Frustrated, lonesome. laying there, like reading. And they've been like, oh, this book isn't enough, you know? Like, and it's just a book. It's like a good book. Is that photos or no? It's like all's quiet on the Western front or something. It's like, oh, this book isn't enough to make me spray, you know?

339.634 - 342.58 Trevor Wallace

Oh yeah. You're talking about the Dust Bowl? Yeah.

342.56 - 365.867 Theo Von

Um, there are a couple of scenes in, uh, grapes or wrath that kind of like, really? Well, there is a very, like, there's a scene where the mom at the end or a woman who's breastfeeding at the end has to breastfeed a person because like an adult, because they just don't have anything to eat. Yes. I've been hungry before though. But that's like, I mean, that's, uh, Oh, we're already on Reddit.

365.907 - 371.036 Theo Von

It's about to happen. We're two clicks away from tits. Yeah. Well, let's back out of here because I'm already.

Chapter 3: How does Trevor Wallace describe his experience with OnlyFans?

640.772 - 662.144 Trevor Wallace

Do you know her kids' names? Uh-uh. I don't know why you would. I don't know why I do, but her kids' names or something. Can you pull that up somewhere, someone? It's Elvis and Aquaman, who should be in the new Jason Momoa movie. Wow. And Malibu Barbie. Malibu Barbie, yeah. Malibu Barbie, Elvis, and Aquaman, Moses. And they're kids, so I don't want to talk shit.

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663.166 - 669.275 Theo Von

Their names follow a theme of pop culture and iconic figures, with Aquaman being a nod to his cancer water sign birth month and the movie. Wow.

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669.295 - 671.379 Trevor Wallace

And their fourth kid is Charlie Kirk.

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672.26 - 682.577 Theo Von

No. Reincarnated. Oh, dang. But this is her right here, so I never thought of, is this real? She's running for president? She's running for office, I believe, for Congress.

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683.148 - 691.682 Unknown

I never thought of myself as a political person until I started having kids and realizing like the world could be just so. And what is she eating?

691.862 - 701.799 Trevor Wallace

Is she doing a mukbang while running for office? That is crazy. That's a good way to keep attention though. Why the fuck wasn't Biden eating goddamn overnight oats while doing his campaign?

702.139 - 718.902 Theo Von

Biden was fucking eating ideas from years ago, bro. That guy was fucking eating his words. Bro, can you even imagine the pain that Biden had to go through each day when they put him back up there and they're like, okay, you're going back up there. Yeah, I feel like. And he didn't have any clue what he was doing.

718.922 - 724.348 Trevor Wallace

He was like, you've seen people. He's like Aaron Rodgers. He's like, he's still playing, but he just wants to be on a beach on ayahuasca.

724.488 - 724.889 Unknown

Yeah.

Chapter 4: What are the highlights of Trevor's trip to Africa?

3555.671 - 3558.715 Theo Von

Let's see this. Let's see this whose house part. Is it in here?

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3559.256 - 3572.513 Trevor Wallace

I can throw 40 yards. Who's house? Who's house? It's so awkward just seeing it. They got to cut to it. You got to try to sneak a quick joke in there.

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3573.435 - 3586.105 Theo Von

Oh, you do look like a Seahawks logo from the side right there. Yes, sir. And you had your own celebration too. I saw the, uh, what was the, what was that cell that he had? Oh, this is, this is dumb.

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3586.365 - 3596.384 Trevor Wallace

This is insane. Sometimes I just post something and I'm like, man, fuck it. Cause those are the ones that like, that'll either flop or do like whatever. But. I saw this.

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3596.404 - 3598.287 Theo Von

That's an insane touchdown celebration.

Chapter 5: What is the concept of Cognify in the future of incarceration?

3598.327 - 3602.272 Trevor Wallace

Yeah, it's crazy. Dude, Ja Morant. Can we pull up his buckets? You know Ja Morant?

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3602.472 - 3602.853 Theo Von

Yeah.

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3602.873 - 3611.945 Trevor Wallace

For the Grizzlies? Oh, yeah. We're in Tennessee. His celebrations. I can't stop talking about how, dude, they're the funniest things in the world. The grenade.

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3612.325 - 3613.627 Theo Von

I haven't even noticed a lot of them.

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3613.727 - 3624.155 Trevor Wallace

Have you seen them? Dude, when he makes like a three, he does the grenade, throws it, and then covers his ears. I mean, you have to get them on the pod. The grenade covers the ears.

3626.758 - 3628.18 Theo Von

That is pretty clutch, bro.

3628.2 - 3644.139 Trevor Wallace

And then he started doing one that's like a rocket launcher. But then he gets fined for every single one of these. He did a rocket launcher. So now his new one is he'll pull out a gun and then put it down like this. He holds it and goes, like, no fines here. Dude, it's so funny to me.

3644.579 - 3646.362 Theo Von

He doesn't give a fuck, huh?

3646.662 - 3646.722

No.

Chapter 6: How do comedy and creativity intersect in Trevor's work?

3646.702 - 3659.76 Trevor Wallace

And he's going to find probably like 10 or 30K for this. But when you're making that much, I just don't know. He puts a gun away, holsters it, puts it down. There we go. And that's protecting gun violence.

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3659.78 - 3672.178 Theo Von

It's legendary, dude. It's just funny, man. I think that even the players are getting scared of being over there. So he may need that weapon when he leaves a facility. It's kind of crazy. The one place that should be allowed to actually have weapons in the cellies is there.

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3672.358 - 3685.075 Trevor Wallace

Right, right, right. Yeah, it depends on the team. If you're on the Warriors, okay, that's enough. Yeah. You just tweet about it, you know, just hit up Zuck and be like, this guy's bullying me online. But if you're in Memphis, yeah, you need at least like a bow and arrow or the RPG.

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3685.155 - 3686.176 Theo Von

Yeah, I think you deserve that.

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3686.456 - 3687.978 Trevor Wallace

What is Memphis like? I'm going there on my tour.

3687.998 - 3702.62 Theo Von

Memphis is awesome, dude. It has so much history. It's just gotten this kind of, it's gotten like a lot of, it's got a lot of danger downtown at night. and in just different areas. And it makes it kind of a bummer because you can't go enjoy like the vibes that are there. Graceland is really great if you get to go see Elvis's house.

3702.72 - 3703.201 Trevor Wallace

Okay.

3703.221 - 3704.423 Theo Von

It's great. I've heard about that. It's great.

Chapter 7: What is Trevor's upcoming special about?

3704.443 - 3705.084 Theo Von

It's worth going to see.

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3705.104 - 3710.813 Trevor Wallace

And that's where, wait, hold on. I'm really dumb. Elvis lived in Memphis or Graceland is on the outskirts of Memphis?

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3710.86 - 3713.283 Theo Von

Elvis, it's in Memphis, and Elvis lived there.

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3713.724 - 3715.526 Trevor Wallace

Elvis lived in Memphis? Mm-hmm.

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3715.546 - 3733.89 Theo Von

Oh, he was probably clapping BBWs. I mean, I don't know what it was like back then, man, but I bet it was a great mix of music and sound and culture and everything. I mean, Memphis used to be so great. Dude, if you get to stay at the hotel downtown where they have the ducks and the ducks come in, like, every day at, like, I think 4 p.m., the duck master brings in the ducks.

3734.691 - 3756.392 Theo Von

Is this a military thing? No, it's like these ducks that come in and they swim in the pond up there. The famous Peabody Ducks at the Peabody Hotel. No, I've never heard of this. Yeah. The Peabody Ducks are the resident mallards at the Peabody Memphis Hotel, known for their daily march down a red carpet into the lobby fountain at 11 a.m. and back to their rooftop duck palace at 5 p.m.,

3756.372 - 3768.195 Theo Von

The tradition began in 1933 when the hotel's general manager and a friend, after some whiskey, put their live duck decoys in the lobby fountain, delighting guests.

3769.077 - 3773.385 Trevor Wallace

Hmm. Okay. What's crazy is ducks are called ducks because they literally duck.

3774.53 - 3784.463 Theo Von

Yeah. Oh, it could be a couple brothers named Doug. But these are the actual ducks. Yeah, people come in, and the duck master walks them in, and the duck master lived in the hotel up top.

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