Menu
Sign In Search Podcasts Charts People & Topics Add Podcast API Blog Pricing
Podcast Image

This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von

#634 - Fiona Cauley

16 Jan 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?

0.031 - 27.743 Theo Von

Here's a question. If you walked into a stash house and found it full of $20 million, how much would you steal? That's the question Matt Damon and Ben Affleck have to answer in Netflix's new movie, The Rip. They play a team of Miami cops alongside Teyana Taylor, Steven Yeun, Catalina Sandino Moreno, Kyle Chandler, and Sasha Kaye, all trying to decide, are they the good guys or the bad guys?

0

27.723 - 56.211 Theo Von

This movie is an edge-of-your-seat thrill ride the entire time, keeping you guessing till the very end. Don't miss the rip. Watch now only on Netflix. Today's guest is a comedian and a podcaster. You may know her from her appearances on Kill Tony. She has her own podcast called Rampin' Up, and I'm thankful that she's here today. Today's guest is Miss Fiona Cawley.

0

60.882 - 78.823 Unknown

your house is beautiful by the way oh thanks yeah i feel lucky to have a place to live

0

79.04 - 87.889 Theo Von

Um, I got to get, I think a new couch or something. How many times after you sit on a couch, you have to get a new one. That's a thing. They should put like a little counter on the side that kind of goes down.

0

88.169 - 91.072 Fiona Cauley

I like that. It's like the lollipop question.

91.572 - 91.832 Theo Von

Yeah.

92.053 - 92.353 Fiona Cauley

Yeah.

93.114 - 94.715 Theo Von

Yeah. Like how many sits does it take?

94.735 - 99.32 Fiona Cauley

Oh, you're out and it catapults you out.

Chapter 2: What challenges does Fiona face living with a disability?

367.788 - 373.615 Fiona Cauley

Once upon a time in Texas, yeah. The one that just came on Netflix.

0

373.635 - 392.858 Theo Von

That's you right there, right? Yeah. Oh. How crazy is that to see yourself on like kind of like, because stuff like this I think is kind of, it's not monumental, but it's interesting in a comic's career when they see themselves on like a Netflix poster. Something that gives us some semblance of what we deem as, a lot of us deem as success. Was that interesting for you?

0
0

393.32 - 407.44 Fiona Cauley

Yeah, I mean, I'm grateful it put me on the poster, you know what I mean? But, yeah, I mean, being on Netflix, this is actually the second time with Gil Tony I've been on the Netflix.

0

407.46 - 408.542 Theo Von

Oh, nice. I didn't know that.

408.562 - 412.307 Fiona Cauley

Yeah, the other one was at Madison Square Garden.

412.405 - 415.41 Theo Von

Dude, that's wild. And they hid your legs, too.

415.45 - 420.359 Fiona Cauley

Which was nice in them. It grosses people out. They don't want to see this.

420.86 - 429.876 Theo Von

Oh, I bet a lot of dudes. I know some dudes who would. For sure. And also, you think they could have had you sitting on his shoulder or something.

Chapter 3: How did Kill Tony impact Fiona's comedy career?

1292.521 - 1315.006 Theo Von

And people had started saying that an Asian person was living in there. It was like just a myth or whatever. Bring up that pizza roof. Bring up pizza, pizza, red roof, that one. So imagine that completely down on the ground. Now, imagine you don't know a lot of information. Now imagine somebody tells you there's an Asian living in there.

0

1317.41 - 1319.453 Unknown

You got me. I'm with you.

0

1319.874 - 1330.009 Theo Von

And that's what happened. That word traveled to us and we went over there and all it was was a burnt down pizza hut. But that's something that happened. It's like you never know what can happen if there's fire, if there's foul play.

0

1330.069 - 1336.399 Fiona Cauley

What did you think was going to happen if you found an Asian person in the hut?

0

1337.51 - 1361.048 Theo Von

We didn't know there would be a hut. We thought it would be like a place of living. We thought it would be a, I don't know, a lean-to, whatever. We had no idea what an Asian lives in or whatever, an egg. You know what I'm saying? We had no idea of what it could be. We just knew if we get there, we'll see them. And we didn't. Fool's gold. Or fool's yellow.

1361.088 - 1361.188

Yeah.

1363.058 - 1365.04 Theo Von

So that's too much.

1365.06 - 1367.022 Unknown

That's too much.

1367.042 - 1375.291 Theo Von

Um, but dude, I wonder what the bar, the Barbies, like, I wonder if the Barbies are low key, like the Simpsons where over the years they've slowly been predicting the future.

Chapter 4: What personal experiences does Fiona share about living with a disability?

3719.29 - 3719.731 Fiona Cauley

Dogs?

0

3719.751 - 3721.855 Theo Von

Sorry, that's the worst one to say.

0

3721.975 - 3722.035 Fiona Cauley

Oh!

0

3724.124 - 3745.046 Theo Von

Dude, I could have said any other one. And hold on. He wasn't like some dogster or whatever, or like a Dexter. I mean, sorry. But he was a veterinarian, and I think he was having to put these animals to sleep, and some of them they would dispose of. This wasn't a time when people would keep their dogs. This was a time when a lot of dogs weren't in inside.

0

3745.066 - 3757.635 Fiona Cauley

I feel like you're lying to me like I'm a little gay because you're like, no, no, no, they're at the farm. Oh, no, yeah, they're safe. They're all alive now, actually.

3757.655 - 3775.559 Theo Von

They're in a special area. But he would get rid of some of the carcasses and stuff in our neighborhood. And I think when I was a kid, that was like a rich guy because it was a nice car. So I think I associated like, oh, rich people are like that. Like they just throw out the junk for poor people to deal with, you know. And we're out here fucking.

3775.799 - 3780.726 Theo Von

And then we ended up throwing bones at each other and shit after it would like decay or whatever.

3780.706 - 3782.388 Unknown

That's so gross.

3782.408 - 3791.481 Theo Von

Well, we didn't know. Nobody in our neighborhood had a dog. We didn't have a dog. We had a couple of dangerous dogs that would travel around the neighborhood and attack people for no reason.

Chapter 5: How does Fiona's disability influence her perspective on relationships?

3796.068 - 3825.475 Theo Von

They had a dangerous Doberman. What? Nobody I knew had a cat growing up. There were some cats that lived outside and were up to very bad things. And obviously worked for the Satan. There's no denying that they worked for the Satan. And yeah, so yeah, people were not, nobody was anti-Animalia in our area, but that wasn't something that people had on a regular basis.

0

3825.595 - 3853.697 Theo Von

I remember the first time I went to my friend's house and they had an indoor dog and it was a golden retriever, which first of all, How nice that you have so much gold you can have an animal just go get some of it for you. Like that blew my mind when they told me what it was. I was like, this is unbelievable. Like we can't even go in our apartment two days a week because some of the gas issues.

0

3854.498 - 3875.224 Theo Von

And these people have an animal that will just run off and grab a mouthful of bouillon whenever you need it. And I remember seeing it's just long, beautiful hair, and it looked like a beautiful woman to me. I remember like, that thing is beautiful. It was better looking than most of the women in our area. It looked like Suzanne Somers. Bring up Suzanne Somers. Let's get a gander at her.

0

3876.707 - 3880.356 Theo Von

This is one of the funniest times I've had on a podcast in probably two years. Don't you think, Trevin?

0

3881.686 - 3882.287 Unknown

This is great.

3883.689 - 3884.37 Theo Von

Thank you so much.

3884.41 - 3886.734 Unknown

Oh, my God. I'm having a blast.

3886.854 - 3890.68 Theo Von

That's her when she came in right there. When I saw that golden retriever.

3890.7 - 3892.082 Fiona Cauley

A golden retriever for sure.

Chapter 6: What insights does Fiona provide about the challenges of asking for help?

3893.604 - 3897.05 Fiona Cauley

Threw some teal earrings on that dog.

0

3897.35 - 3898.512 Theo Von

Put some teal earrings.

0

3898.532 - 3901.957 Fiona Cauley

Is that what you said?

0

3901.977 - 3902.899 Theo Von

Yeah. Oh, dude.

0

3903.78 - 3903.88

Yeah.

3904.214 - 3908.42 Theo Von

That's perfect. That thing could have worked, volunteered to work in the nurse's office at our school.

3908.54 - 3909.201 Unknown

Yeah.

3909.221 - 3909.942 Theo Von

I would have been so happy.

3909.962 - 3917.814 Unknown

Been real mean to you for being a little late to class. I was burping orders, man.

Chapter 7: How does Fiona view the impact of her disability on her comedy career?

4034.865 - 4051.789 Theo Von

And we're talking about the Rene Good shooting. Let's put the ice shooting that happened. And this is this is one clip of it. We'll show this clip. I know there's different angles of clips. I'm not going to get into like a lot of the like angular stuff, that sort of thing. But I do want to cover this a little bit because we haven't talked about it on here.

0

4056.983 - 4076.643 Unknown

And this is a lady and her girlfriend who are out, and they're protesting these ICE agents.

0

4077.684 - 4086.012 Theo Von

Rene Go was involved with an activist group called Minnesota Ice Watch, acting as a legal observer, documenting what's going on, etc. Okay, play it up.

0

4086.683 - 4097.795 Unknown

I said go get yourself some lunch, big boy. Go ahead. Get out of the car. Get out of the fucking car. Get out of the car.

0

4097.815 - 4101.339 Theo Von

And then there's three shots. And the woman's deceased, right?

4101.7 - 4101.96 Fiona Cauley

Yeah.

4102.16 - 4107.186 Theo Von

Okay. I mean, this is just baffling. What are some of your first thoughts? Do you even want to talk about this?

4107.947 - 4135.486 Fiona Cauley

Yeah. No, I think it's important. Well, okay. So I found out that the defense I keep hearing for this ICE agent is that he, six months ago or so, was dragged 200 feet or something by a vehicle. And I'm like... He shouldn't have been working.

4135.726 - 4136.107 Theo Von

Yeah.

Comments

There are no comments yet.

Please log in to write the first comment.