#634 - Fiona Cauley

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This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von 2h 11m 3 speakers 7 chapters transcribed
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What is discussed at the start of this section?

Theo Von 0:00
Here's a question. If you walked into a stash house and found it full of $20 million, how much would you steal? That's the question Matt Damon and Ben Affleck have to answer in Netflix's new movie, The Rip. They play a team of Miami cops alongside Teyana Taylor, Steven Yeun, Catalina Sandino Moreno, Kyle Chandler, and Sasha Kaye, all trying to decide, are they the good guys or the bad guys? This movie is an edge-of-your-seat thrill ride the entire time, keeping you guessing till the very end. Don't miss the rip. Watch now only on Netflix. Today's guest is a comedian and a podcaster. You may know her from her appearances on Kill Tony. She has her own podcast called Rampin' Up, and I'm thankful that she's here today.
Theo Von 0:52
Today's guest is Miss Fiona Cawley.
Unknown 1:00
your house is beautiful by the way oh thanks yeah i feel lucky to have a place to live
Theo Von 1:19
Um, I got to get, I think a new couch or something. How many times after you sit on a couch, you have to get a new one. That's a thing. They should put like a little counter on the side that kind of goes down.
Fiona Cauley 1:28
I like that. It's like the lollipop question.
Theo Von 1:31
Yeah.
Fiona Cauley 1:32
Yeah.
Theo Von 1:33
Yeah. Like how many sits does it take?
Fiona Cauley 1:34
Oh, you're out and it catapults you out.
Theo Von 1:39
The springs just activate. Yeah.
Fiona Cauley 1:41
I like that. No nonsense.
Yeah. Yeah.
Theo Von 1:45
Yeah, that's what we need now. It's like, yeah, how many sits does it take to get to the center of your sofa?
Fiona Cauley 1:50
I would be screwed.
Theo Von 1:52
Really?
Fiona Cauley 1:52
Because all I do is sit.
Theo Von 1:54
Oh, that's true, huh? You're right here. You're what some people would consider a heavy sitter, huh?
Unknown 2:01
Yeah, I'm professional. Yeah, y'all ain't got shit on me.
Theo Von 2:08
For some of our listeners that don't know, so you live with an ailment. Do people call it a disease, an ailment, just because you're already talking about it?
Fiona Cauley 2:16
Yeah, it's a disease, a disability. It's called Friedreich's ataxia.
Theo Von 2:23
Yeah. What is it? Is it okay to ask you about it?
Fiona Cauley 2:25
Yeah. Yeah. So it's like a really rare neurological disease and it's progressive. And there are like 5,000 people in the U.S. that have it. And I'm one of them. And the only difference between us, the reason you can walk and I can't, is I don't make enough of a protein called frataxin. And that's kind of it. Like, both my parents were carriers, didn't know. And then they had kids and were screwed up.
Theo Von 3:01
And are you the only child that has it?
Fiona Cauley 3:04
No.
Theo Von 3:05
So if two parents have it and they have a child, any child they have can have it?
Fiona Cauley 3:09
Can, yeah. But also they might not, some of them. But I'm one of three. I'm the middle and we all have it. I got diagnosed first, so they can suck it, you know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Theo Von 3:23
It's like that twin that's born later.
Fiona Cauley 3:25
Yeah.
Theo Von 3:28
Did you feel like they were copying off you at any point?
Fiona Cauley 3:30
Yeah, I mean, I'm the middle child, so it's like I can't have anything to myself. My sister is even in the same wheelchair as me now. Rude.
Theo Von 3:41
No, same brand?
Fiona Cauley 3:42
Yeah.
Theo Von 3:43
Oh.
Fiona Cauley 3:44
I know.
Theo Von 3:45
But is she the younger sister?
Fiona Cauley 3:46
Older.
Theo Von 3:47
Oh, that's not good.
Fiona Cauley 3:48
Right.
Theo Von 3:49
because I noticed I noticed my nephews at Thanksgiving were dressing the same as each other but they're like two years apart and I was like oh it kind of makes sense the younger one is dressing like the older one
Fiona Cauley 3:59
Yeah. It's even, well, imagine if, like, your siblings, like, got the same car as you.
Theo Von 4:06
Yeah.
Fiona Cauley 4:06
It's the same thing.
Theo Von 4:07
Oh.
Fiona Cauley 4:08
Yeah.
Theo Von 4:08
Do you have to have a cane? How do you, because, no, you have a wheelchair.
Fiona Cauley 4:12
Well, good question. I mean, it's progressive, so I used to be an athlete before I knew. And then I walked weird, kind of like I'm drunk. I spoke still to speak that way because your tongue's a muscle. And then I went into a cane phase when I was 21 because they wouldn't serve me at bars. And I was like, I've got to find a way to show them. It's like, I'm not drunk. I was drunk, but I was, you know.
Theo Von 4:47
Did a lot of brothers hit on you when you had that cane?
Fiona Cauley 4:50
Honestly, I would go to bars, not bring the cane. And if a guy hit on me, I was like, that's a bad person. Because I look like the drunkest person in this place, right? It was a litmus test.
Theo Von 5:04
You're just reporting people. At one point, did you and your sisters have canes? Because that's almost like a black prom, I feel like.

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