Fifty Cent Sniffs | This Past Weekend #224
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What happened when Theo’s car door was hit on the way to the studio?
Yeah, I'm on the way to work, I stop, okay? And I get me a coffee, one of them cafe cups, you know? And I've been pining for it all morning. I mean, I've been pining like a damn forest. You know, and I hadn't had any cafe all morning. And then I'm just, you know, I know, okay, when I head into the studio, I'm going to stop. I'm going to get me that frothy brown hitter. That, you know, that sipper full of just brackish. And I like that coffee dirty, bro. You know what I'm saying? I like just a little bit, like just a scoop of the dang, like somebody just scooped some of the Mississippi River into a cafe cup and presented it at me. That's how I like it. I like my shit got a little bit of sweat in it, you know?
I like that dirty cup. You know, I like that cup of coffee that might test positive for a little something, bruh, you know? The kind of stuff, if you mailed a couple drops in the Ancestry's internet thing or whatever, they come back at you like, damn, this shit, you know? This shit's got tomato base in it. This stuff got a little bit of caffeine. You know, this shit's 9% Savannah Heron African. I like that coffee. I like that dirty cup. But I'm at the place. I park. I get out of my vehicle. And bam, right as I open the door, actually, I'm opening the door. And pow, car hits my door. Boom.
Boom.
Just lit it up. I mean, I didn't know what it was at first. I thought it was like a damn, just like a rhinoceros, bro. It was loud. And I thought, damn, where'd I park, you know, in Jumanji? Because I thought just a rhino just nosed that door down. But I get out and it is a, it's a Toyota, it's a Toyota Camry. And a Toyota Camry, that's a popular car usually for a stepmother. A lot of strippers drive them too. You know, you'll see a lot of dancers at night time. You know, ladies who got those legs working at night. They drive a Camry sometimes. And a lot of the logos have been stolen off of the back of it. And anyway, the guy hit me. This beautiful Chinaman hit me, dude. I mean, this guy... And when I saw him, bro, first of all, he comes up, give me a hug, two-arm hug.
And I'll say this, it did diffuse the situation because I was a little, man, I just got a vehicle. I've been in an Uber for four months. Sitting in the, just in little, I mean, sitting in, usually there's a couple little chips. You know, a little sour cream and onion residue on the back seat. And I've been just sitting in that in other people's cars for four months. And then finally, I got this vehicle. And bam, this beautiful Chinaman runs up both arms. That's what he said out of the gate. He double, double so sorry me. And it softened my heart a little, you know. And this guy, we shop, we swap names. And he was, look. I'm all about different ethnicities and everything. I'm all about beige power. But this guy was extremely Chinese.
Okay? This guy was... I don't even know. Look, we've all got different things about us. You know? I got them girthy hips. I got that DS booty. You know, if you see me getting onto a short school bus from the rear, you wouldn't think anything of it. And that's how much DS I got in these sweet cheeks back here. But this man should not have been driving. This man was probably about 700% Chinese. His eyes were not open. And I don't mean that. He also could have been on antihistamines. He would have tested positive, I think, for definitely some heavy claritin because his eyes were not open. And his car looked like it had hit maybe 100 cars. I mean, everywhere there could be a little ding or a bong or a b-ding, there was one.
In his rearview mirror, that's what caught my door. And put like a dent in like the edge of it. And everything's fine. It's all good. But man, that thing. It just kind of rattled my day. And here's what I'm saying is not everybody should be doing everything. This guy... should not be driving. This guy's not driving. This guy is basically just bouncing around Los Angeles. I mean, there's no way he could see stuff. I think he hugged me in hindsight because he was just trying to get a notion of where I was at physically so that way he could direct his voice in my direction.
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