Throuples (when three isn’t a crowd)
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What is a throuple and how does it differ from broader polyamory?
This is The Guardian. Today, the pain, pleasure and paranoia of life in a thruple.
You may be seated. We gather here to celebrate and bear witness to a truly unique and beautiful occasion.
By any measure, it was a textbook fairy tale wedding, set against the backdrop of a sandy beach in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. As the guests took their seats, waves gently lapped up against the shore. The groom stood waiting on the sand, dressed in a blue linen shirt, a white carnation in his pocket, and grinning from ear to ear. And then out came the brides.
Casey's dad walked the two of us down the aisle. We both had the traditional white wedding dresses and everything, for the most part, just had two brides.
Rachel, Casey, and Aaron are a throuple. That is, a three-way relationship. So when it came to the traditional wedding customs designed for two, well, it took a little imagination.
We did the vows exchanged here between Aaron and I. We exchanged it between Casey and I. They did theirs between the two of them. And then we did all three.
I couldn't have two better partners. I love you two always and forever.
It was a ridiculous amount of
votes. As three, we traveled through life exceptionally well. I promise to continue to celebrate. We decided that we were
going to do like a rope braiding thing.
Three cords of different colors represent their individuality, their love for one another, and their commitment to this union.
that no one practiced, no one, like, it was comical.
And so now, by the power vested in me by the three of you, I now pronounce you Dr., Mrs., and Mr. My Year. Give it up for the happy throuple, everybody!
But getting to this point took a lot of work and many hard conversations, not just with each other, but with family and friends too. I
think a lot of our families definitely, at least initially, thought it was weird. We dropped a big bomb. We went through drama. We're not going to in any way dismiss that it was hard and challenging and people gossiped and they had all kinds of thoughts and feelings, but I think most of it was based off of Fear, but watching and witnessing us over years build this relationship, make multiple moves, and then invite them to that ceremony, I think they finally realized, okay, this is legit. This is fine, even if we don't agree with it or we don't understand it fully. They clearly all love each other. No one's going anywhere.
From The Guardian, I'm Helen Pidd. Today in Focus. When three isn't necessarily a crowd...
Kitty Drake, welcome back to Today in Focus. Great to see you. It's great to be here. So a couple of years ago, you came on the show for actually what was one of my favourite episodes to talk about one of your jobs at The Guardian, which is to find couples for our weekly sex column, This Is How We Do It, where couples open up each week in the magazine about their sex lives. And So you perhaps, above most others at The Guardian, are very used to asking people questions about matters that would ordinarily be very private. But I think you've surpassed yourself recently with a fascinating feature about the reality of life in a thruple. Tell me, what made you interested in this particular kind of relationship?
How did Rachel, Casey and Aaron meet and decide to form a throuple?
Well, I was kind of interested because anecdotally, throuples seem to be on the rise. They used to be kind of a relationship configuration that you would only see on screen if it was being studied by Louis Theroux. But actually, 9% of people in the UK are now open to being in a polyamorous relationship. You see it on dating apps all the time, people looking for a throuple or another partner.
But what is the difference between polyamory and a throuple? So a throuple is
essentially... Like a couple, but there are just three people. Okay. So even if you're polyamorous in the more kind of traditional sense, you might have, you know, eight or nine lovers even.
But
you'll typically only be having sex with one person at a time or on a date with one person at a time. Whereas the thruple... Everyone is together and most setups are, you know, you sleep in a bed together every night as a three.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is a throuple and how does it differ from broader polyamory?
0:00–4:11
2
How did Rachel, Casey and Aaron meet and decide to form a throuple?
4:11–8:02
3
What challenges did the throuple face with family, friends and societal expectations?
8:02–11:17
4
How do throuples negotiate sleeping arrangements and daily logistics?
11:17–14:50
5
What strategies do throuples use to schedule date nights and maintain individual connections?
14:50–19:11
6
How do throuples handle jealousy, the ‘a‑hole rule’ and conflict resolution?
19:11–23:05
7
What can go wrong in a throuple – lessons from the Marseille breakup story?
23:05–26:38
8
Is the emotional intensity of a throuple worth the potential heartbreak?
26:38–30:25
Speakers
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