Chapter 1: Why was Tony banned from LinkedIn?
Breaking news, Tony's been banned from LinkedIn.
I can't comment on anything for like 30 days or something.
Oh no.
Oh no, when I reopen LinkedIn in a year, hopefully it works.
Hey, I'm Alvin from Orange County, Southern California.
Hi, this is Shanda from Royal, Utah in the United States. Hi, I'm Allie from Banyoop and I approve this podcast.
Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. This is Dr. Author, best-selling Dr. Author, because she accidentally ticked the doctor button on a Maya One store card. This is Dr. Tony Lodge. My name is Ryan John Dunn. Thank you so much for joining us. But as pumped as we are... Have we got the Monday tireds?
Monday tireds?
Like, we've limped in from the weekend.
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Chapter 2: What does Tony think about Monday mornings?
Oh.
So I wake up on a Monday.
Oh, not dead yet. Woke up fucking hell. We're going again. We're going again.
Another spin. So I get up and I organize Pippa's breakfast and then I go to make myself a coffee. I like pour all the beans out. I pop the thing into the coffee machine. I turn it on and it goes unskippable cleaning cycle. On a Monday. Danielle is giving me a sad face. It's like, so our coffee machine.
I'll actually tell you when you're unskippable. When I say crack the motherfucking beans, what do you reckon I want?
Yeah. Oh, that was just a suggestion. If you don't want it all good, I'll just go fuck myself.
Yeah.
Bambino Breville fucking Uno Duo, whatever the fuck it's called.
Yeah. Oh, let me call my... Hey, Breville, let me call my friend DeLonghi and see if they're going to be this fucking judgy on a Monday.
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Chapter 3: How do Tony and Ryan handle annoying Monday situations?
And my whole congina is completely.
On a Monday morning.
So when I got to work, when you got to work, that was actually today, my second time.
You went back again.
I went all the way home.
I thought, because I was cutting it fine, I was surprised that you weren't already here. I actually mentally went, that is strange.
Did you guys all hear me pull in and I got out of the car and then I drove back out. Did you hear that?
No one pays attention.
Well, my chair's next to the window, so when people get here, I can't, like, not notice.
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Chapter 4: How did a coffee machine cause chaos on a Monday?
But they were like loose.
We don't use that language here.
But you know what I mean? Like, fuck, oh, yeah, well, I probably should have seen that coming.
Yeah.
But they've torn ā I'm not ā like from where the tag is all the way through to like the pussy gusset. Like, just... Can I say something? All the way around. Please. I would love it.
I don't really know what the word gusset means.
Oh, my God. I'd love to tell you.
But it just doesn't sound like a good word.
No.
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Chapter 5: What funny mishaps happened on the way to work?
People who watch our YouTube shorts, the short verticals. What do you call me? 3% of those views are consumed on a television.
Nah, eat my pussy.
Isn't that really fucking upsetting? On a fucking Monday. Yeah, sorry to tell you that on a Monday. Put this on YouTube shorts. If you're watching this on a TV, what the fuck is happening in your life to lead you to the point where you're watching shorts on a television screen? What's gone wrong there? We... What's happened in your life to this moment that got you to this place?
It's awful. You know, half a day, Charles is over.
7% is on a T on a computer.
Charles was over right the other night and we were watching this YouTube video about this camera that I want to buy and there was the... Seven new positions to try with your side piece. LAUGHTER Well, your boyfriend won't be able to tell. And we were watching all of these fucking random reviews.
Yeah.
And then I clicked on one and Charles goes, no. And I was like, oh, my God, why do you not like this creator? He goes, it's a short. And he made me turn it off.
On a TV screen.
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Chapter 6: What is the significance of the Great Escape of Hillary's Boat Harbour?
It is 2020 Twix, and we are wet for life. Don't you love to fucking see that, says Monica Perl.
Honor. Fucking Monday. That's amazing.
Monica, you and your husband have a great fucking week.
Oh, they're going to fuck in that pool. If they haven't already, they're going to.
Surprisingly harder to fuck in a pool than you'd expect, eh? Holly would lead you to believe it's quite easy.
Holly?
Would. Oh. No, like Holly would let you believe. Holly would let you believe. Holly Valance.
Holly would let you believe.
Holly Valance would let you believe.
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