Top Flight Time Machine

Creme Eggs And Gravestones

20 May 2019

Contributed by Lukas

We plan to sponsor a football team AND launch our Cold War festival. Plus, kicking a footballer when he’s down, and calculating populations using th...

Man Man

17 May 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Cosmic ordering, Paul Rudd, filthy stupid dolphins and Andy’s toxic relationship with Sam Allardyce. Shoot for the moon, everyone… Hosted on Acast...

The Christmas Singing Lesson

14 May 2019

Contributed by Lukas

We plan a Yuletide concert, hear about George Michael’s emergency landing, swap a cheese plant in Norwich and use a Liverpool poster for ID… ...

Meet The Controller

12 May 2019

Contributed by Lukas

As the Premier League season ends, we make summer plans to visit nuclear bunkers and the National Archive. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for ...

Massive Ice Cream Bowl

11 May 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Another mailbag delve, with rogue pubes, a shed-building addict, an oddball and some crack. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more informatio...

How Tall Are You?

10 May 2019

Contributed by Lukas

We talk about actual football, look forward to Bielsa v Lampard 2, and meet history’s original stray man… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy f...

Pulp The Badges!

07 May 2019

Contributed by Lukas

We launch the TFTM VIP Experience Day, remember shooting guns, and hear about a bad digger… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more informat...

East End Grass

03 May 2019

Contributed by Lukas

An interview with a groundsman goes wrong, a summer hole is dug, and we meet Sir John YouTube…  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more...

Mant

30 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Google Baby, a non-kidnapping kidnapper, the truth about blobs, Sam’s Viagra journalism and more from the mailbag… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/...

The GIF Wizard

29 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

How the 1980 Iranian embassy siege was ended by extreme predicting, Bielsa v Terry, and Manference 2022 is launched. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/pr...

‘My Eyes Don’t Lie To Me’

26 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Reaction to Keane v Neville, the PFA PL team assessed, and some dubious parenting admissions… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more inform...

Monkey’s Blood

23 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Another delve into the mailbag including a rejected tattoo, an update from the king of Chinatown, an attack from a stray woman, and NHS Dave… Hosted...

FIPA Revealed

22 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

A plan to visit the Isle of Wight and invade Sealand, Gary Neville simmers to the point of boiling and the truth about the Windows 95 bin… Hosted on...

Sam’s Birthday Pan

19 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Teenage boozing, playground memories, speed-predicting, a boxing confession and a last-gasp dog death escape…  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/p...

Quick Quick, Come Quick!

16 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

A clown on a roof, looking around in a pub in the olden days, William Shatner humps a mountain, a confession about The Bill, and Sam vs golf… Hosted...

Can Wasps Bite?

15 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

And can ghosts upload videos of racism on to social media? Also, more Timbrell court action, Sam vs Geoff Shreeves and a rant about facts… Hosted on...

Pivoting to Terrorism

12 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Sam gets offered a job on the official Isis magazine, the tyre man comes round, and we herald the return of self-defending courtroom king John Timbrel...

Hand Cream?

09 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

A farm offer, a stray man’s robot encounter, Strike It Lucky on Ecstasy, and a homemade cannon…  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for m...

Downstairs Grooming

08 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Predicting, vasectomies, abominable male behaviour and the dark truth about morris dancers… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more informat...

Dirty Garden Crab Boy

06 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Another round-up from the TFTM mailbag, including a Disney ambulance, hole exploration, the Brazilan animal lottery and Roy Keane in a maze… Hosted ...

Dingo Stick

05 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Dog ham, parenting hell, smell blindness, and Sam comes out as a homosexual as the build-up to his birthday week begins… Hosted on Acast. See acast....

Vangelis and My Little Pony

02 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Fridge magnets, ghost stewards, the benefits of war, and a magnificent stray woman tale… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information...

A Cheeky Hamlet

29 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Illicit underage booze buying, a winding revival, ball injuries, a stray beach man and that… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more informa...

90s Bullying

26 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Fond recollections of a mugging, a short-lived stray man and why you shouldn’t interfere with Sunderland nature… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/pr...

Andorra With The Pig Men

25 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Some looking back AND ahead, assorted dog-related stuff, and an ill-fated press trip up a mountain… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more ...

Sam and the Receptionist

23 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

An emergency episode as Sam had some stuff he needed to share - a receptionist run-in, a school dog story and a superb sex fail/stray man saga... Host...

Fertile Or Infertile?

22 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Sam’s summer camp fighting memories, the launch of our podcast training course, Patrice Evra’s spunky outburst, and… space herpes? Hosted on Aca...

Raspberry Ripple Moustache

19 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

The royal penalty shoot-out decider, Wacky Races, magnets, Newton’s Blouson, ghostly hit and run and more Archie Buchanan tales… Hosted on Acast. ...

Staring At The Ocean

18 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Service station ruminations, karaoke etiquette, Harris or Gallen, and saying yes to stuff you’re too embarrassed to say no to… Hosted on Acast. Se...

Lion or Seagull?

15 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

We learn more about our random fixture generator, ResultsBot has a filings-fuelled tantrum, we hear about a road race with a German legend and why Bil...

Christopher Timothy v George Lucas

12 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

A clash of two showbiz heavyweights (and their wingmen), as well as some ingenious shoplifting and relief for the Old Trafford WAGs… Hosted on Acast...

The Perils Of Concentrating

11 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

A four-decade lie, driving alone for relaxation, the tranquiliser day experience, NASA cheese, and why you can’t burn a ghost… Hosted on Acast. Se...

Funeral Victims?

08 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Not an apocalypse special, but lots of haunting advice, some stuff about wake buffets, a stray interloper, and the weekend’s football predictions…...

Stray Birthday

05 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

A mailbag delve, including a 32-year-old stray man pretending to be a schoolboy, a confession of a theft from God and a hugely traumatic sex fail… H...

Scouse Wind

04 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Jason Cundy on period dramas, Sir John Meals, Sam’s brief steroid addiction, pre-Brexit Asda dystopia, and we urge John Inverdale to speak out again...

Bonds... Or Hurlock?

01 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Sam’s prediction downfall veers into view, we foresee a West Ham stand-unveiling ambush, plus some mailbag delving… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com...

Dads On Roofs

26 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Another mailbag delve - hoovered quad bikes, ‘hot-boxing’, distillery tours, a new deep dive candidate, a 747 loop-the-loop and some Thomas Graves...

Dismantled Millennium Falcon

25 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

The Oscars, Lysette Anthony, Cockneys, North Korea, Graeme Souness’ latest masterclass, Puel’s coin-drop future and nothing about Kepa… Hosted o...

Senor Dis ‘n’ Dat

23 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Sam v Avis Spain, and some match predictions. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Brother Penguin

19 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Mailbag time - a shoeless stray man sex fail, some cricketing lies, a senseless Koi Carp attack, a vetting stick, and we make plans to visit the Boat ...

Don’t Let Grandma Know

18 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Hiding a dog childbirth situation in your bedroom, Sam’s brother goes part-stray, and we ask if ResultsBot has a gender. Oh, and a TFTM badge update...

Dear Alan Yentob...

15 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

We plan to take over BBC’s ‘This Week, Frank Lampard heads for Brighton, and we dissect Pele’s bullshit goal… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/p...

Skittish Laminating

12 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

We dip our snouts into the correspondence trough again - includes stray men, teenage nicking, fresh bull, dad lies and a renewed attack on the charact...

The Nature of Greed

11 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

We pitch a underground disaster movie to David Lynch, look into river-on-river violence, and explore Frank Lampard's bid for automatic promotion based...

Robot Hutchence

08 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Some ants, we pitch a Radio 4 comedy, ResultsBot gets up to no good on his own, teenage shoplifting and the heat is on for one unlucky kid… Hosted o...

Confident Rich Kids

05 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

A delve into the mailbag reveals unsavoury iPod control, a shark-based TV pitch, a stray man who doesn’t stray too far, possibly the best day off sc...

Pint Of Saint Clement’s Please

04 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

We launch the Iron Filings Society, Sam gets up on a table, we hear an adoption lie story and there’s a horrifying cat story (which might upset some...

Mouse!

01 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Can newborn babies see? Can a cat talk? Can dogs work in benefits offices? Is predicting like heavyweight boxing? Can you coax a tapeworm out with fru...

RIP Mother & Cubs

31 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

A round-up of your contributions - limb removal, a trouser-removing cricket injury, beating up Paul Weller's bodyguards and loads more... Hosted on Ac...

The Benevolent Skinhead

28 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Some off-the-peg banter, plans to mess someone right up using only an iPad and a drone, plus ResultsBot flies off the handle and a man apologises to a...

You Do It!

25 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

A round-up of some of the best contributions from our magnificent listeners. Bullshits, sexual fails, hero fantasies, waking up in strange places and ...

Energy Drink, Rope and Sunglasses

24 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

A tragic real-life tree man, Gabriel Higuain let loose in Argos, and the amazing story of the British family running amok in New Zealand... Hosted on ...

Double Tap On The Helmet

21 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

More this and that, including Mr Tickle’s penis, the Top Cat lifestyle, and a bit of football stuff… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for mo...

Pochettino's Teenage Legs

18 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Some customer feedback, the joys of a random number generator and we tell you the correct opinions to have about Bielsa's spying campaign. Hosted on A...

Different Times

14 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Huge TFTM monetisation plans, a Japanese restaurant update, and our sincere attempt to be better men in the modern world. And some football stuff. Hos...

An Hour Of Loud Swearing

11 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Some football stuff, a homage to ‘Allo ‘Allo, a massive snooker table, a security guard with sexy-but-cat-killing fingers and an axe-wielding scoo...

Dog Leg Arm Transplant

07 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Some live FA Cup giant-killing reaction, stupid dreams, fresh bull and some drug-addled ride-pimpers go to work on a Mini Cooper... Hosted on Acast. S...

Whiskey Snake

04 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

We pitch our travelogue TV show which might include a trip to Tranmere. Plus more bull and a gerbil-infused romantic fail... Hosted on Acast. See acas...

Self-Defending Eyes

02 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Some eye science, dirty tricks at a Scouse card game, the stray man, Sam's hero fantasies, Andy's Blackpool death and the disgrace that is Roy Orbison...

Pub Reggae Party Spliff Baby

01 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

The mechanism moves forward, Sam's brother turns legal eagle, some 'you do it' advice, and a Keown power play... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privac...

Happy Perineum!

28 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

A job for Joe Hart in the TFTM media empire, some more looking back and ahead, the possibility of a Liverpool title win and some sexy robot thoughts.....

Alien Meeting

24 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

An inappropriate Nan Santa scene, a Likely Lads look back, predictions, and some woodland extra-terrestrial team bonding. Oh, and what REALLY happened...

Bum Ham For Tea

21 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

A look ahead to a Scouse Christmas, Souness' thoughts on the Old Trafford job vacancy, horseplay with Andrey Arshavin, some top notch bull and a visit...

Keane v Souness - The Deep Dive

18 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

A look back at Roy and Graeme's dual pundit appearance covering Liverpool v Man United at the weekend. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more...

Digging for Disneyland

14 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Ralph Rabbithutch, Tony Adams’ rugby takeover, your finest tales of liars, a look ahead to Keane v Souness, and some football stuff… Hosted on Aca...

Big Cow

10 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Robot and human racism, liars, a grandstanding handstanding ex-Marine, the weekend's football and at last, Sam's big cow story... Hosted on Acast. See...

Rag & Bone Retraction

07 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

An important correction, some prediction leaderboard movement, Alf Ramsey’s World Cup Willie and a bedtime story… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/p...

2007-2008

05 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Some eye-opening revelations about Sir David Attenborough, a limo trip to Wigan, leg-breaking on The One Show, and some football stuff… Hosted on Ac...

Jordan Penguin

03 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Advent calendar woes, festive tea tasting, kidnap, a Bobby Charlton visit, a washbag in a top hat, and the weekend's football analysed... Hosted on Ac...

Christmas Subbuteo Carnage

30 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

A heartwarming Delaney family Christmas tale, Pancho From The Flats, Arthur Fowler and some football predictions... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/pri...

2006-2007

28 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

West Ham’s rollercoaster season, Ian Holloway talks tight buns, Les Reed has a go and Sam eats a curry in his pants… Hosted on Acast. See acast.co...

Crying Hammer

26 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

A look back, a flare mule, plans for our new airport-based accent school, a power-play against Roy Keane and some other stuff. (Apologies for Sam's mi...

The Noel and Phil Show

23 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Lots of stuff about Edmonds and Collins. Plus a bit of football stuff and some stuff where Sam gets (rightly) abused by the public. Hosted on Acast. S...

Bez's Tax Tip

19 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

We plan to send ResultsBot to his Saudi doom, Dean Saunders shares a Patrick Kluivert story, plus Babybel, a courtroom self-defender and Reg Varney v ...

The Jar Boys

15 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Wayne Rooney – this is your life! Plus Sam’s toothbrush woes, ResultsBot’s love life, we come up with a surefire hit movie, and there’s a Rod ...

Passing Is Boring

12 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

A look back at the weekend’s action, Ridley Scott’s ball jet, a legally-dubious Charlie Austin story and Roy Keane on David Silva’s suit stunt…...

Garrison Keillor’s Leaf Blower

09 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Unsavoury bush-based activities, a disgraced American author, an anonymous complaint about Spurs, some bonus Keane stuff and the match predictions… ...

Predict! Predict! Predict! Predict!

04 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Andy gets knocked back by TWO celeb ladies in 24 hours, we dismiss Wayne Rooney's charity match while planning our own awards ceremony, and there's a ...

Eddie Wow, More Like

02 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

A rethink on the Bournemouth boss, Andy van der Meyde’s sex-and-zebra lifestyle, Pokemon rage and our new job editing Waitrose magazine…  Hos...

Goose Chat

29 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

A goose appears in a pram, Sam's brother becomes consumed by his growing fame, we become enraged by computer TV hosts, and there's yet more goose stuf...

‘Brian? It’s Bryan…’

26 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Sam’s brother tries a power play on Sheffield Wednesday’s owner, Ferry begs Eno to hook him up with ITV and we look ahead to the weekend’s footb...

Top Gear with Grace Jones

23 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Wenger’s lonely exile, dog seeds, Puel’s motivational floor ham, Keegan’s tea towel justice system, and our bid to be the next next Top Gear hos...

Wembley Sale Collapses

19 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Shahid Khan's bid to buy Wembley collapses, Gwyneth Paltrow turns up in the studio next door, Eddie Howe gets enraged, plus lots more (and some predic...

Reg Varney and the Stag Man

15 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Quiet international week - we discuss Robin of Sherwood, the first UK cash machine, James Bond visiting a Wetherspoons and Sam finally tells his nunne...

Clockwork Keegan

12 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

England’s new fictional squad of youngsters dissected, some insight at the Tactics Board, and will a bewigged and bobble-hatted Andy play for the Fa...

Balcony Cycling

08 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Is Leicester City an Illuminati power play? And just who is wearing Claude Puel’s face? Also, the time Sam met Jimmy Savile and a look back at the w...

Put Your Cabbage Sauce Away

05 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Some looking back AND ahead, a dash over to the tactics board, Roy Keane reports on cabbages from his spider hole, Sam shares a potato attack story, a...

2005-2006

03 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Keane is tormented by Professor Yaffle in a Portuguese villa, Souness goes on hunger strike after getting sacked, Roeder runs out of coaching tokens, ...

The Thing About Robots

01 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

A look back at the weekend as well as a call for more fun in football, the evolution of Tree Man, a glimpse into the life of ResultsBot and the time S...

Deep Dive Debut

28 Sep 2018

Contributed by Lukas

The big win that Sam missed, an introduction to our new STATS ZONE, some speed awareness course chat, and being buried alive in a German forest… Hos...

2004-2005

26 Sep 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Rupert Lowe's quest for cleanliness on the South Coast and beyond, Graeme Souness' relish at his players' on-pitch scrapping, young Wayne Rooney and a...

Glenn The Baby

24 Sep 2018

Contributed by Lukas

All the weekend's football TALKING POINTS including baby names, post-vasectomy abilities, and whether multi-culturalism will kill off the UK ladder in...

A Look Ahead With Talking Points

21 Sep 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Our first weekend preview show, including the introduction of Results Bot and Anne Diamond. Also, is a man familiar to the show actually in charge of ...

2003-2004

19 Sep 2018

Contributed by Lukas

The season of the Arsenal Invincibles… plus Saddam Hussein’s capture in a spider hole, Denis Irwin’s simple lifestyle, the demise of Leeds and t...

Harry Winks' Seabed Volcano League

17 Sep 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Marco Silva is exposed as a fraud, Tree Man's authority is undermined, Sam says a terrible word and we restate our inclusivity for everyone, including...

2002-2003

13 Sep 2018

Contributed by Lukas

The Leeds babies are dismantled, Zorro arrives in the Premiership, Alex Ferguson unleashes his squeaky bum and Graeme Souness wages war on sandwiches....

Ridley Scott’s Hand Dryer

10 Sep 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Not much football to look back at so we’re focussing on hand dryers, dressing up as posh old men, a gas mascot, and the enormous potential in Roy Ke...

Time Machine Live - Shoot! Annual 1987

09 Sep 2018

Contributed by Lukas

As part of the London Podcast Festival, we performed a live episode, looking back at the 1987 Shoot! annual and singing a song at the end (which we ha...

Big Sam's Coming Home

03 Sep 2018

Contributed by Lukas

It's time for Allardyce to return to his spiritual home of West Ham, why Ed Woodward is better than you, fond memories of hiring a nan and more love f...

BONUS: News Thing

31 Aug 2018

Contributed by Lukas

If you haven’t heard our other podcast, now’s your chance. It’s basically TFTM but with news instead of football. This latest episode includes s...